Thoughts at 3am

• Homo sapiens are a social species. indeed we are. we need ppl around us. to interact and to live our daily lives. those individuals that can live without the human interactions that the rest of the species so deep craves are truly commendable. namely the monks, nuns and hermit that shun human interactions to pursue their spiritual peace. one wonders how they do it.
• we need to be in a pack. like wolves. to be different or to be an individual would be social suicide. we all want to be the same. we feel safety in numbers of like minded ppl.
• Are you allowing ur self to be ostracized by putting ur foot down or believing in ur own beliefs or having an opinion? sure feels that way.
• life's not fair i get it.
  
• just coz i understand it does mean i can feel the way i feel.
• am i pushing ppl away?
• must i always have a smile all the time? do i need to be funny all the time?
• its nvr about me. its always about someone else. and when it is about me. nobody gives a shit. why can't i be selfish?
  
• ppl sometimes avoid me like the plague when i'm feeling all emo. and the ppl i expect to give a shit... well they dun. refer to point above.
  
• yeah this is my selfish moment. yes it is. although some ppl would think that i jsut want some attention. most probably i do. but i need a place to vent. an outlet if u please.
  
• i need to stop having conversations with myself. but hey i only have myself.
• although it does work out some of my anxieties and worries by having a conversation with myself. bizzare.
• my neck hurts.
• feeling peckish.
  
• this is so frustrating
• is such a thing as caring too much? i dun think so.
  
• someone told me to think about myself more. well if i did that. i won't have anymore frens.
• its all a delicate balance i guess. of being selfish and selfless.
  
• people are capable of great compassion and also great atrocities.
  
• people are also capable of alot of things? should i live in fear?
  
• i guess the only time ppl will appreciate me is when i'm gone.
  
• i can't please everybody.
• this feels like 2007
• ur thinking i'm crazy and depressive and have some issues.
• guess what. everyone has issues. but nobody listens.
• i need a hug. i really do :(
  

Well

So i haven't been updating as i should.... i better get to it... but i'm just really lazy... nothing exciting... even my hater has gone underground. maybe he's too busy... who knows...

aiyah...

till i'm not so lazy...

Its Been Ages

So its been ages since i blogged and since i'm just sitting aroudn at home i tot why not pen my thought down.

so many things have happened when since i last blogged. first of all i completed all my studies and finally said goodbye to my second home, Brisbane. it was bittersweet. ok la. it was just bitter. coming back to Singapore didn't feel good. i left behind a good life. i really did. i was happy. with my life, myself and in general i was happy back in brisbane.

but coming back here. its all so depressing. as much as i love Singapore where my family and frens are, i feel that i dun belong. i'm not comfortable here. i'm happy but not truly happy and content. if u read all my blog posts from when i was in Sg. its all so gloomy and depressing. but when i was in Brissy all my blog post seem abit more cheery and happier.

i guess the hectic and busy conformist lifestyle of singapore is not for me. i've said it countless times that u cannot be an individual in singapore. those taht do are shoved into the counter culture of singapore always potrayed as rebelling against the status quo. i commend these ppl who dare be themselves.

the view up someones nose muahahaha...

i yearn to go back. to finish up my Masters and to be happy i guess. but there are ties that bind me here to this little island. i can't just leave. haiz. dilemma. so i have come up wit a 5 year plan!! yes a five year plan!

• Work for a year and half or so in hopefully a museum. if not whatever i can find.
• go back to Brissy hopefully in 2011 to complete my Masters
• get a job in aussie in a museum or sumthing.

ok i realised that its only 3 points but its in the works... basically my main aim is to get back into uni in 2011. i feel that its abit wasted that i only did a Grad Cert. so masters it is!

i guess the only thing i can do now is to look forward and work on my goals. move forward kooky!! thats the only way u can go! i shall remember the fond memories i had of brisbane and hopefully that would give me the strength to carry on in this city i call home.

Hey Party People..

hey there, its been like what? almost a month since i last blogged. i dunno i seem to have lost the drive. its like the tide it comes and goes. so what has been going on my life since the last post? basically same ole same ole.

interesting fact taht all u see there are carrots, in various shades. originally carrots were white and purple and it was because of the House Of Orange-Nassau carrots became orange. just an interesting fact.

anyho back to me. hmm so far i've finished my studies and now just hanging around for the next couple of weeks before i go back to Singapore :(

i've started to like the love life here and the lifestyle and the freedom you enjoy. an one of the most important things i like about Brisbane (and maybe Australia in general) is the ability to express ur own individuality and just be urself. u could have tattoos and dreadlocks and still be working most jobs here. but not in singapore, where such forms of individual expression is frowned upon. even in dressing, people in singapore just wants to be like everyone else. which is fine but somehow gets abit boring. and i'm sure i've written about this soo many times but in Singapore people judge u more. people stare and makes comments about you secretly and sometimes not so secretly just coz u dare to be different, just coz u have a neck tattoo or just coz u dare to wear mismatched pair of socks. i'm sure it happens here in Brissy too but in Sg i feel it more. haiz. maybe its not such a good place to live after all.

but its where most of my frens are. and of course me family. i'll go back and see where the road leads me. well its back to the same feeling i had 1 and half years ago when i was leaving Sg to come here. the same sad bittersweet feling that i'm feeling now. i know i have to go but part of me doesn't. haiz. thats life i guess. every few years my life takes a complete new direction. it seems to be getting abit tiring. why can't i just stay and be comfortable and be happy for a long period of time? settle down? nice comfortable job that i like to do and that pays well. surrounded by people i love and whose company i enjoy. i'll be contented with that. but well... know how life is.. i'm sure that wouldn't happen or at least wun come so easily.

it will be a big step for me into the unknown. like stepping into the fog. oooh see how i made a pictoral reference!! *giggles* indeed i'll be finally be hopefully working. being an adult. voting. waking up at a set time in the morning everyday!! thats crazy. god, the very thought of joining the daily grid is frightening enough but i guess i need to grow up and be a responsible adult. i'll be honest. i'm scared. of not knowing what lies ahead especially at this point in my life. but hey gotta take the first step.

so far i'm optimistic. and so far things have been slowly falling into place. so yeah its looking good so far. hopefully the plans i have set out for myself will come to fruition. with a little help from me of course.

but for now i'm sayng my goodbyes to brisbane. a place and that i have come to love and where i have made some good frens. see ya in abit.

Ultimate Super Mega Post!

or maybe not.. lol... so people of the blogosphere... what have i been up too? its been 3 weeks since i posted anything substantial to this blog. so umm been busy with skool and life.

so basically nothing much to say anymore.. its a phase i guess when suddenly u have nothing much to say abou anything and just let go with the flow. so yeah.

so i'll entertain you wit pictures of pretty clouds. and that by the way is Ah Lee's hand. although i have to say that this dratted hot and then cold weather is causing my respitory tract some major discomfort. like its cold at night then freaksihly hot in the day. its making me catch a cold or flu or whatever it is that makes ur snot drip down like leaking faucet and makes u sneeze ur brains out.

and i've noticed that once my internet is throttled (yes internet throttling is a concept unknown to singaporeans ) when loading pictures, my computer somehow deliberately loads the pictures i do not want to see and hangs the loading of those i want to see. its strange. like loading facebook thumbnails. my com only shows half of the photos that i want to see but fully loads the rest. is it just me? or is my computer really selectively loading and depriving me of the ones i want to see? hmmm... interesting no?

well laa dee daa..

for a moment there i thought i had the flu... thank god i dun.. coz i have no fever only a really really runny nose... i had a good search over the internet over the differences between the flu and the common cold. quite interesting actually.

anyhoo i better be resting. in the cold. under my doona. only to wke up really warm coz the weather is FREEEKAY....

Hallo

so i haven't been updating my blog for quite abit... like anyone cares lol.. but yeah for those who follow me... no this not twittter... i'll update it soon.. see ya..kkthnxbye...

halloween!!!! HALLOWEEN!!!!

oh yeah i know its months away till halloween... but i'm just blasting Marilyn Manson's This Is Halloween... i love that song... all versions of it... u know that song from Nightmare before Christmas?

this one lol.... this is the original not the manson version.

so whats been going on for the past week? nothing much... oh wait.. been killing myself over assignments lol.. and i'm yet again... or maybe its jsut the sniffles. its not a full blown flu episode just my nose is stuffed and abit weak. oh and the sneezing. alas its not swine flu. i blame it on the weather. it is getting chilly...

so had a very busy weekend wit dinners and projects and assignments... thus too much fun makes kookyplum a sick boy... and i hate it coz its like the type where u are sick and not sick at the same time... well pic of the week...

its a persimmon. yes. i know =D

there is not much to share on this tuesday blog. i just feel like curling up in bed and just sleeping. although i know i have a bazillion assignments to do and stuff. bleargh.

went to Paddy again this week but nah somehow the things didn't seems so interesting. and i went to Annerly..some how i dunno what the hype is about. kinda lack luster in the oppt shops. i think maybe coz ppl already took all the kool stuff and left the not so kool stuff behind. next stop is Salvos Warehouse at Glenrosa Rd. gotta ask sleepy to take me there, lol.

sorry dudes and dudettes. here ends my tuesday post for this week. feeling shit as.

till next time.

Winters Coming

its been getting colder the past few days here in good ole Brissy. means winter is coming and its time to whip out all those sweaters and scarves and cardigans. and its also time to stop eating. goddammit!!! i've been like eating non stop man. i think its the cold =(

pretty lanterns at Buddha's Birthday celebrations

so whats been happening for the past week. well alot of things taht i will not mention. lol. but there was alot of studying i must say and hanging out wit frens and wasting alot of money so yeah so now i'm technically broke. yeap yeap. broke i am. so no going out this week. or shopping. or eating out. ok i'll make concessions on eating out. lol.

anyways other news. Sleepy said i was balding. which i think is true. gggrrr.... sad fact of life la. the top of my head is thinning. how? is it coz i colored my hair? balding at 25..terrible isn't it.. i'm liek Prince William. well at least he's a prince. and my hair is suddenly super limp and weak. why? tell me why? oh the horror. of my thinning hair.

anyways for those Brissians and former students studying in Brisbane here's abit of new for you. the whole GreenFlea Markets has ended with the markets now being managed by the same ppl that manage SouthBank Markets. its not that SouthBank market is not good. its jsut that GreenFlea at WestEnd has a whole different feel to it. like its rough and hippie and relaxed and happy and bohemian. SouthBank markets are overpriced and touristy and clean and sanitized. like totally different.

and the company thats taking over is a Sydney based company. i dunno there is alot of controversy over it. for one, why change something when its already running so well and peopel like it the way it is?
is it coz its not wheel chair accesible?
is it coz its not pram friendly?
too much ppl traffic is killing the grass?

but if u were there u would know that the space does not allow for such things and people make do. we give way to moms with prams and people in wheelchairs. and the grass issue is just bullshit. its a public park for gods sake. oh well. the issue is closed and done. Green Flea is no more. and its sanitized. i wonder how much of the multicultural diversity the new management will preserve as they have stated in the papers. we will see.

and speaking fo takeovers. the silly AWARE saga has reached my ears over here in Brissyland. and all i can say is.

Josie and her gang are for a lack of a better word. twats.

like come on. if u want to take over sumthing, the best way is to infiltrate it slowly and weasel ur way to the top. its an NGO leh nota buisness. such coporate takeover will fail for sure. and wit the Dr? Prof? Thio mentoring the takeover. WTH. when she came clean wit that statement, it all fell apart. and saying tat AWARE was promoting homosexuality. like she's a lawyer. doesn't she know that tolerating homosexuality and promoting hmosexuality are 2 different matters.

just coz AWARE accepts and helps women of all backgrounds including lesbians means they are promoting homosexuality? thats kinda narrow minded way of thinking no? AWARE is a womens group, means they help all women of all races, religion and sexual orientation irregardless. as long as ur a women AWARE is there for you. silly Josie and her pussycats. and firing the centre manager? WTH was that for? i'm glad they stepped down.

i'm not saying i have a problem wit pro family christians. but if u feel so strongly about pro family values why not start ur own christian womens group? its very unethical to take over a secular organization and wanting it to be christian pro family with the thinking taht everything is gonna be fine and dandy. thats just silly. so at the end of the day i have no problem wit their values of profamily and chritian-ness. all views are welcome and yeah pro family is good in some contexts. but the problem i have or had is the manner in which they took over AWARE and how they tried to mould it to their agenda. thats all. but its all settled now. go Old Guard. ok thats my 2 cents lol.

after that amazing rant.

well i did go to Paddington this week to explore further up the street and apparently its more high end vintage stuff up there. kool really kool stuff but, i can't afford it lol. maybewhen i have more money i will come back =D but i did but a cardigan for 3 dollars lol. but i never take picture la. instead here's some picture of bugs in jars.

namely spiders and centipedes =D

i love preserved bugs and animals. i really hope though that i could liek work in a museum with the dead bugs and animals. that would the coolest. well tahts all for this week's tuesday blog. till next time. toodles

Bad Kooky Bad....

the weekly post comes late today. well as if anyone cares but yeah its late. coz i had issue wit my internet connection (which i still have) and being distracted by books. more on that later but ok weekly recap. let see what did i do for the week besides umm stuff.... nothing much i guess. i dunno all i can remember about the past week is. rainbows and museums. which technically what it was all about. first up rainbows!!!

i forgot which day it was but i saw the most amazing rainbow. its was the most beautiful thing i've seen so far in my life. like so totally in awe at it. i almost let my meat burn on the stove. coz i was too busy snapping pictures. lol. it was like a complete rainbow, from one end to one end. like where it started and where in end. and after awhile there was a double rainbow. so magical. too bad i got no one to share it with. so i shared it on facebook lol.

well that made me think that the world is not so bad after all. i felt really happy seeing the rainbow. happy happy!! don't rainbows make u feel really happy? or at least feel good about urself?

well anyways. then the rest of the week happened. lol. i really can't remember much of what happened. like time and memories get abit hazy when u got nothign to do. its true. but i think friday i went out to Ipswich City. oh yes Ipswich. for those of you in the know, u know what i mean. went to the train museum and the art gallery. and i must say both were very good cultural institutions. but the city was very different from Brisbane city. it was more.... its just different la... dunno hwo t describe it. although i can say one thing. there were no freaking asians. none. ok. fine, there was maybe one out of 50 white ppl. very few lol.

anyho. its seems every week for the past weeks i have been buying something. ok fine somethingssss vintage or antique. well this week it came in the form of books. vintage books. the uni has a book fair that occurs once every 2 years. ONCE EVERY 2 YEARS GODDAMMIT!!! the Alumni Book Fair is a book lover's dream come true. i almost cummed in my pants. like most books go for just one dollar!!! JUST ONE DOLLAR!!!!!! like OMG LAAAAAAAAA can die or not. and they have such a good selection of books. wide range but u have to be focused.

like i mainly buy old botany and entomology texts. i'm starting a collection. i'm not gonna describe each and every book but mostly the books i bought were from the 1920s, 30s and 40s. there is one from 1890s i think. but nothing after 1960. i also picked books taht i though had interesting titles or looked good like this red velvet bound book. which looks so kool. and 2 Alice in Wonderland books. and some various trivia books. but my prized possesion is this. The Arabian Nights Entertainment printed in 1885.

the Arabian Nights Entertainment is also known as 1001 Arabian Nights. its where u get Sindbad and Aladdin. as told by Sheriazade(?) to the Sultan. u know taht book? the collection of stories? u know u know? yunho?

yeah u wish it was this u-know rite? fat chance!!!

anyhoooo... tomorrow which is wednesday is box day. where the books are really really cheap. i need to go and get more books!!! more books i tell you!!! its a very bad thing to do like spending moeny on all these books but the way i think of it is that by buying these books i actually can prolong their life. like really i'm sure these books will be thrown out eventually. so at least by me having them they can be enjoyed for a longer time? i could go on about soem cultural and intagible significance these books hold but i shan't... i'll leave that to my museum class lol.

anyways frens, countrymen, romans..... i shall leave thee here. coz i need to sleep early. too go to the book fair again lol.... taaaa...

Change

its tuesday again my frens. i'm still slightly sick. i might even have pneumonia! yes sadly taht thought flashed across my mind as i was having stabbing chest pains while walking back home from skool in the morning. and speaking of walking and skool. on my way to skool yesterday evening i met no less my frens, no less than 7 people. 7 people!! luckily i left early for class. anyho and ha. pretty picture time.

pretty rainbow that visits me every morning on my wall. so purty.

anyways watching Sex and the City always gets me in the mood to blog and to blog ala Carrie. which is to say lets jsut blog about things that ppl don't really talk about. u know singaporeans are such an uptight wound up bunch. so lets throw caution to the wind and my fingers and my heart do the talking.

i've been thinking about when our frens, our close frens get attached, do they change? or it is us, the single ppl that change?

i've been thru this alot. when ur frens get attached to someone some how i feel, personally that i've been kicked aside. the person whom u spent a considerable amount of time wit hanging out talking or wateva suddenly has no time for you anymore. thats all fair. i understand it completely. its love, who am i to get in the way. well just coz i understand it doesn't mean i can't feel abit hurt and dumped. it is safe to say that for one relationship to start, another has to somehow end or change?

its nice that people get together and i wish all of you well. but its human nature to get jealous and defensive. we might not want to admit it but to some extent, deep down inside the recesses of our hearts, we do. especially when ur a single 20 sumthing relationship virgin. ah yes it sad. now stop giving me that look. so we start to dislike (i wun use the word hate) the bf/gf, we give fake smiles when we hear about the awesome time u had at sumwhere sumwhere and how funny he/she is. not that i don't wanna hear about it but not too much. one can only take so much love talk.

maybe its all entirely me. feeling resentful to not be in a relationship but instead watching countless others unfold and end, right before my every eyes. its like looking into a garden but i'm being locked out. i need to find my key. and everybody keeps saying u'll find someone soon. i'm so over that phrase lol.

but back to my point or question or watever. which was do the ones getting attached change? well they most definitely do. u become ur partner, taking up their habits and nuances. u behave and talk like them and dress similiar to them. sometimes annoyingly so. and us the single people change as well. we change to accomodate the new dynamics of the relationship we once had wit you because if we don't change and adapt, we get left behind (thats from Greys i think).

its interesting once u think about it. most people don't. most people have a life. and i'm not most people. lol. but yeah part and parcel of life i guess. well since i dun have anyone to share my life with, i choose instead to share my life with shopping!

this week i didn't go to Paddington. thank god. if i did i would have spent alot of money again. but instead i went to the WestEnd Markets and still manage to pick up some vintage finds. so *drumrolls* introducing my collection of stuff to add to my already bulging collection of stuff.

a cute hand mirror, apparently from an old lady estate sale. which means she's dead. which is kool. most vintage stuff are from dead ppl. i don't think its weird. its like inheriting ur great grandmas diamond ring or sumthing. just that in this case. i dun know the person lol. and a feather brooch which i assume came from another lil old lady. i think it great that i have in my posession the mirror. its so sweet and pretty. at least another generation will cherish it as much she had i would imagine.

on a side note: some chick said that my man satchel (the big folder bag thing, see pastpost) looked hot. so by default i look hot? lol :)

so that sums up my weekly tuesday post. really wanna oppt shop shopping. maybe Annerly or somewhere? any takers? lol till next time. see ya.

Tell me why....

it all started last night and it hit me like a ton of bricks or rather more like being hit by a train. i suddenly came down with the flu. its jsut came all snot and mucus and stuff. it was terrible. dripping dripping dripping down my face. and the sneezing. and the general feeling of crap. i took a pill but to no avail. i dunno how i manage to go to sleep but i guess it was the piriton pill lol.

BEING SICK SUCKS.

especially when ur all alone in a foreign land. and by urself with nobody to take care of you. oh the perils of my life :P and i woke up this morning feelign shittier than i did last night. great!!! and a looked like i was run over by a train. it was worse than having a hangover. how can rite? one of the tubes in my throat was bone dry and no amount of water drinking could reach it. and my head felt so full of fucking mucus that i sure it would explode in a gooey mess. after a few more pills and copious amounts of water later, we've reached this point. blasting Kylie's can't Get You Out Of My Head. the mucus that is. still stuffed but feeling slightly better.

but the qn i wanted to ask is.. does being sick make u eat more?

i've went thru, in no particular order:

1. a slice of carrot cake wit icing
2. a steak with grilled mushrooms and tomatoes
3. 5 rice crispies
4. a cup of yogurt
5. a slice of banana & pineapple cake with cream
6. beef soup wit frozen veges and noodles
7. a plum
8. a springroll
9. coffee
10. 2 cups of green tea
11. a cup of chamomile tea
12. a couple of squares of chocolate.
13. lots of water

all within a span of 8 hours. that alot for me actually. i dunno why i ate so much. is it coz my body was fighting the flu? and it needed energy to fight fight fight? its amazing. i fear for my waistline. i haven't been doing any excercise coz i hurt my shoulder and the rain jsut fucks everything up and now the flu. dammit.

its like life is soooo opposed to me excercising. it always happens. when i want to run or do some workout. i will get sick or injure myself or be suddenly finding myself really busy. is it really life thats against me trying to keep fit? or is it just my mind that subconciously against it and manifesting in terms of sickness but i'm not acually sick. ahah. but this time i am really sick. and the rain is really beyond my control. so i guess this time i would have to go wit the universe that is against me doing anything that would keep me fit.

oh the throat is hurting again.

but i hunger. i hunger godammit. i am not full!!!!!!! this is a very strange blog post. truly it is. its the flu talking i guess and the medication. ok i shall be off. and go find soem food.

*food monsters stomps off*

La Petit Mort

well its monday today. and tuesdays weekly blog post has moved to...well... monday... coz today is Easter Monday and i have no class and its a public holiday. whooppppeeee!! as if that mattered to me :P

oh guess wat my dear reader, its raining again in brissy. NO SHITTE. i woke up today to the gentle pitter patter of raindrops on my face. yes the window was open and yes it was raining that heavily. its been raining ever since with the same intensity for 2 hours now. i wonder if somewhere in the suburbs some man named Noah is building an ark. dammit. i can't get on the ark. u have to go 2 by 2 u know. blah. singledom.

oh gosh i need chocolate. its Easter!

strange purple building in the gabba + papa alden

ok so i'm back from a chocolate break. the rain is making like i said before many kinds of hungry and its also making me sleep like Sleeping Beauty. srsrly i could go on sleeping for 12hr straight coz its so nice just to cuddle in bed in the cool cool night and morning under the doona. although it would be better if there was someone there to cuddle with but i have to make do wit wat i have. lol. terrible this rain. can't get any work done.

i really should stop shopping, i should. but i can't help it. its just too good a bargain to pass up. especially when it comes to shopping at Paddy. i'm terrible. but in defense of myself and to validate my shopping, i have one thing to say. i didn't spend that much money. yeah i bought alot of things but it didn't exactly burned a great big hole in my wallet. so i shall have to restrain myself. just have too. but anyways this weeks buys from paddy!!

a man satchel for skool & another pair of vintage shorts zomg!

a leather belt & a faux fur scarf just coz i think its fun.lol.


and best buy!!! a leather wallet for 5 bucks!!! looks brand new and in good condition.

see so cheap rite? i love Paddington. love love love to death. i guess i should go to Paddy more and enjoy it while it lasts, since i only have around 3 months left an most prolly not coming back here for long time. yeah excuses excuses. but its Paddington!! oh my god. i'm in love.

so anyways i'm sure some of you are wondering wat does the title of my blog post means. well. go google it. but i know some of you are such lazy buggers so i'll give u a wiki link. i won't ruin the suprise for you. CLICK HERE. i love it how the french come out with such expressions. like menage a trois or c'est la vie. or even carpe diem. oh wait. thats latin. but ah the french so romantic & poetic.

as much as the rain is good for sleeping and stuff like that. my nose gets runny everytime the weather gets cold. ok not just the normal cold. its the rainy wet kinda cold. that terrible isn't it. there isn't anything pressing to blog or anything interesting to say. its been laa dee daa so far and lazy coz of the rain. i need me some action. lol

till next time. see ya!

Good Friday

so today is Good Friday. which in Australia means nothing is open and nobody works. period. so everybody is forced to be stuck at home and basically do nothing. thank god today was a rainy day. i woke up after a massive night which ended early. so i dunno it is considered massive or not since it ended early. but anyways..... woke up at 2pm in the afternoon and spent the whole day till now, watching Sex and the City. how exciting.

which made me realise a few things. such as how much i like the sound of my fingers on a keyboard. the click clack of the keys as i type sumthing out. and to that extent the written word, or in this case the typed word. its just very calming and peaceful to write and make sentences in my head. in the sumwhat silence of my own room.

its wonderful. i'm feelign very Carrie bradshaw now. sorry i tend to be carried away in the shows that i watch. at one time i was feeling all Gilmore Girls, all giggly and witty and talkign really fast. but that didn't appeal to the masses. boo!

actually i dun know why i'm blogging, just for the fact that i wanted to hear the click clack of the keys as i type them out. but i had soem fantabulous ideas taht i wanted to type out lol. well maybe after i toy wit them after a few days. its like wine and men. its get better with age ;)

so anyways this blog post has no purpose watsoever besides the fact that! i just had to write sumthing. and sumthing i did write. lol. ok fien lets make it have a purpose. lets see. let throw caution to the wind.

ok actually the inspirration has left me lol. till next time then hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Rain toooo Much Rain....

its been rainy here in Brissy.... its been raining for a week or so, i think maybe more... everyday.... like its just raining... too much way too much... i mean rain is good dun get me wrong...

good kind of Rain =P

but its just waaaay too much rain... its just damp and bogged down... and muddy...and wet... and rain makes me all kinds of hungry! not good... although its really good for sleeping. but.BUT i've been taking so many naps and sleep for so many hours that its screwing up my body clock. ok i lie. its not but i've been sleeping to much. waaaay to much. i can't even do that much laundry coz everything is gonna smell kinda damp. bleargh. is this how living in London is like?

anyways
the rainy weather is conducive for thinking. and i've been thinking alot as i often am prone to do. and had many an ahah! moment. you know the moments where u go ahah! and a little lightbulb lights up in ur head. well yeah i had a few of those.

but i guess what i've been thinking about most is the way i react to certain topics taht are sorta sensitive to me. yeah that. i know whenever it/they come up i totally get myself into a corner and shoot myself with a shotgun. its not good and always makes it weird and there is sort of always an awkward silence. and i get slightly upset about it. gotta change that. i have to be more concious about it. i know i'm worth it and i'm fine and all that but maybe i need support? encouragement? hah even maybe pity? maybe i just need some love =(

see what i'm doing? lol aaaaarrrrggghhhh.... need to change, need to change... slowly but surely. haiz. have to change! nobody wants a low self esteem, self depreciating whiner. even if i'm not thats what people see and its not good not good.

GOOD VIBES KOOKY, GOOD VIBES.

in the spirit of good vibes, i did some retail therapy. at my favourite shopping place as of now lol. Paddington! whoop dee doo. actually i just like a few of the shops there coz they have a good range of vintage and 2nd hand shops there. all conviniently place along one street. and i only have 3 months left here!! lol. so recent purchases!

top row: blue/grey vintage shorts and i mean shorts. lol. the pocket detail that i really liked.
bottom row: plain red checkered shirt (smells musty, needs to be washed). and the best one of all, mint condition vinyl mens zori for only $5!!!! yeah bebe.

anyways i'm loving Paddington and vintage/thrift store shopping. u spend very little and u get alot of stuff. like feels very good. lol. and its nice stuff. unlike singapore which always wants new new new. sometimes old can be good too. thus the lack of affordable vintage shops in SG. its just too way over priced sometimes.

anyways that ends my week tuesday blog post. its beggining to sound like a week column. oh how Carrie Bradshaw of me lol. i should blog more. till next time! sees ya.

He Pulled me In i Was Disgusted With Myself.....

Damn that Katy perry song.... i guess it strikes a chord with everyone wether or not u've been in a relationship or not. u must have liked someone and sort of keeps thinking and regretting taht u let them go or didn't tell them that u liked them sorta thing. nice song.

anyways i realised that for the pst few posts or so its been very dull coz got no peektures. so i will give u some pictures! lalalalala here goes!

so this my frens is a shot of old books. yes old journals to be exact and the Uni of Qld library has tons of these just lying about on the shelves.the oldest i found was dated 1852. like super old rite? and they are just lying around and nobody reads them anymore just crumbling away. and they are not even conserved or anything. these are very old things! and nobody really cares! lol

and i was walkign to skool as i often do. and this girl caught my attention. look at her "backpack". its actually a slingbag that she has cleverly strung up wit the strap and made it into a back pack. clever innit? so kool.

ok so i could tell you whats been going but the same thing has been going on so i see no point in blogging about it. but i can tell u about this magical place called Paddington.its a suburb just beside Milton in Brisbane and its magical. truly it is magical. it has so many kool shops. has Retro Metro which is zomg so magical. i wasn't a big fan of vintage wear but now i'm converted. CONVERTED i tell you. oh and there was Endos this thrift store which has 5 rooms of magic vintage clothes, homewear, old books and accesories. went wit JX and Bryan on sat afternoon. not much time coz Paddington needs to be explored for one whole day!! i tell you one whole day!!!

didn't take much pictures coz we were too busy criss crossing the road and trying not to get hit by the cars and exploring the shops. too kool la that place. burned alot of cash but considering i got 3 items of clothing for around 50 bucks i would consider taht a bargain. and its vintage!! look look.

Left: some long sleeve shirt thing which i assume is from the 70s. it has that old smell. needs to wash it. Right: purple vest from the 70s aswell. gorgeousness.

Left: checkered? blue/green/purple vest from 80s with gold buttons. tree brooch blogger's own. Right: not from Paddos but from WestEnd. i figured its vintage too, so why not include it in here.

so theres my shopping trip to Paddington. not to be confused wtih Paddington in London or Paddington in Sydney. or even Paddington the bear. Paddington, Brisbane is the SHITZ. wow. amazing. on after thought the vest should look better with a body in them aye. well not my body lol. but nvm.

well my frens thats about it. i think i should excercise more before winter comes and it will be too cold to run or sumthing. but i'm just a lazy asshole. lol ok we'll see. taa...

No, No, No....

Currently listening to Amy Winehouse's Rehab. that song is so catchy.

so tues again. well i guess taht tues is the only day i really decided for myself that i will not do anything. lol. yes a day of rest and doing nothing productive. coz the rest of the week i'll be trying to do my work or going out or stuff like that. and yes i pondered this last post but i was thinking about it again jsut now.

so in riveting news. i realised that my keyboard is oily. and sticky. i guess its time for me to clean it. and no don't think naughty things. its just coz i like to eat and use my computer at the same time. and my grubby fingers although as much as i use a tissue to wipe my hands, still touch the keyboard. lol. so i'll clean it later. after this post. riveting isn't.

well i've been really out of touch for the past week. i dunno why. its like i've been feeling blah the whole week. i need to focus and i need a reason to go on? i'm not suicidal but u get what i mean. i need that drive to do work and live. haiz i dunno. it seems gone. i was so pysched about it then somehow its gone. poof jsut like that.

i think not having internet didn't help. like the modem died and we didn't have internet for like 3 to 4 days. it was terrible. felt terribly cut off from the rest of the world. well thats fixed now lol.

oh i went for my tarot card reading the other day wit the old lady at West End. and voila lo and behold she said i need to focus in my life to attain my goals. which is represented by the Star card. there was some things about rebirth and new beginnings which is true coz its the new semester which was in the fool and death cards. and there was a moon card which represents someone hiding the truth from me. which i think i know who that is. interesting this reading coz it reflected wat i was feeling at the moment. i like this old tarot lady wit her purple and maroon curtains, her crystals and her old deck of cards. compared to the other tarot card readers which talk about angels and light and white curtains. pish posh. the future is unknown and mysterious. not all fluffy white angels.

well life so far in good ole brissy is fine i guess. its simple. but i dunno. seems different. i wasn't meant to come back. maybe i'm testing fate? who knew. or knows.

I realised sumthing

i realised for the past few weeks i have been blogging on a tues. how interesting. maybe coz i dun blog on a monday coz i'm in skool on monday. and i dun blog on the weekends coz i'm out and about and rushing reports and presentations that are due on monday. and the rest of the days of the week i can't be bothered about. coz i'm just lying in bed and watching Gilmore Girls. yes that my week for ya.

i need to do sumthing about it.

well anyho. i spent 12hours in skool yesterday. how crazy. yes very crazy. didn't get much sleep in sunday night coz iwas preparing for a presenation on monday but in the end didn't get to present it after all coz FREAKING PPL TALK TO MUCH AND GO OVER THE 15MINS ALLOCATED FOR THEM. so freakign annoying. so yes i prepared for a presentation that i didn't get to do. but later on in the day had to do a presentation that i wasn't prepared for at all. it was terrrible. WTF. srsly WTF.

so i decided to walk home in the rain. well it wasn't planned and it was already raining and i didn't wanna stay in skool to wait for it to stop. so i walked home in the rain. it was kool. there were tons of toads hopping all over the paths. and it felt good. the pitter patter of raindrops on ur head. thank god it wasn't winter though lol.

umm thats about it. my life is pretty uninteresting. its shit actually but i make do. there are people out there with shittier lives than me. so i guess i can't complain. ah well.

Hallowed Halls

its really quiet in UQ at night. really quiet and peaceful. except for the odd security dudes taht walk around. but it makes u feel safer that there are security ppl around. but yeah quiet and peaceful. especially last night, when the wind was blowing and the night was cool. the rain had just stopped and the ground was damp and the air was moist. its just one of those nights.



one of those nights that good for thinking about stuff. u know...stuff.

i'm gonna start whinging now. about skool. the pressure is mounting and the workload increasing. but i'm not complaining...much. i think i'm finally getting the hang of things in the arts faculty. i guess arts handles words and ideas in comparison to science which handles facts and things or stuff. but its all good. getting better. just have to be more focus-ed. likes siriously. i just need to be more disciplined. unlike now. ok i'll do my readings after i blog okay!!! i nvr did so much reading in my undergrad lol.

so far wat has been going on.... besides school....

well had a night out at the quintessential brisbane asian uni student party.... .Reiji.... lol. if ur an asian student studying in brisbane, u need to go there at least once. its where all the asians are.word. lol. but yeah had a blast. it was good to see familiar faces. and new faces as well....

and i set up my volunteering work at the Insect Collection. yay pinning bugs!! all the pretty pretty bugs.....

so yeah i'm updating u on all the boring stuff lol. wat about the scandals and gossip!! umm dun have lor. if have also i cannot tell you. hee hee hee.

thats all folks for now.

So Far

So far i have had classes and seminars for my new course. and well i've nvr felt more dumb. lol i'm serious. its like i go into class and go "wat the fuck" is going on. i mean i was expecting this. like i'm moving from a science background to a totally different arts program.

but hey use such big words like didatic and provenance and such. i dun even know if i spelt them correctly. gah!

i guess i have to change my way of thinking and get into the flow of the course. like wateva happened to "there is only talent and hard work" ? so yeah i better get my ass off and start working. hard.

other than feling in adequate in skool lol. life's pretty ok. its just hot. very hot. and sweaty. which is good kinda if u had a partner but just annoying if ur alone lol. oh yeah kinky thoughts please.

i'm just rambling. i better get my ass out of the house to go to skool tomorrow and get some work done coz even though i dun have that many classes. i sure as hell have alot of things to do. lol

So I'm Back.

so i'm back in Brissy. feels good to be back to familiar surroundings. but new people. oh don't get me started on the hot young things strutting thier stuff on campus. partly the reason i wanted to continue studying lol. but thats not the point.

the point is i'm back. and things seem the same but somehow not. somehow i feel that there has been a fair bit of gossip about me going on while i was away. interesting no? i can tell. lol. but anyways gossip is a part of life. but come on. make it less obvious next time? muahahahaha.

oh current update: i was deleted as a fren from someones facebook. not that i mind but interesting. i've nvr had that before. hhmmm....throws up so many reasons and speculations on why and how. which is interesting fodder for another post. damn. next post next post lol.

so back to the matters at hand. like today i had my first intensive day of Museum Context. and wow i'm amazed and the breadth and range of knowledge present in that room. like i felt abit stupid.

but i like it. it works my mind to the max. and thus i was very tired at the end of the day. although we only had 2 discussions the whole day lol. like seriously very tired. 4 more days to go.

yes i'm PSYCHED about skool. yes i am.

There is no fluke, There is no luck. Only Talent and Hard Work.

Alas it is time to leave.

the winds have changed direction. no more does it come from my bedroom window gently blowing at my curtains. alas it has changed direction. this signals one thing. it is time for me to leave yet again.

yes it is time for me to leave this cruel judgmental country where even the slightly longer hair is frowned upon. goodbye singapore, the land i love and hate all at once. by this time next week, i would be in brisbane. to a much simpler life, to a more accepting and open society.

how naive of me to think that things will change.

to think that having a worldy view is worth anything. sadly it does not. not much anyways. short hair and fitted berms are worth much more.

much has been revealed to me during my short stay here. truths about people. sad painful truths, as all truths often are. haiz.

so i guess it will do me well to go back to the sunshine state. back to a simple life. back to a pursuit of knowledge where ur mind is worth more than ur bulging biceps.

Violence

its amazes me with much amusement on how much anger courses thru my veins nowadays. usually i'm a very reserved person. well thing change don't they wit such interesting effects.

now i'm in the mood for beating sumthing up and i'm loving this song.

Advice from a fren: Just Don't Care la.....

i guess caring too much does bring one much grief....



.....That I dug my key into the side of his Pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all four tires......

Again

i sit here on my bed in the middle of the night. when the world has wound down for the night and the only sounds i hear are the odd rumblings of a car as it whizzes down the street.

the wind blows softly into my room, gently swaying the windchime, creating a melodic tinkling so strangely contrasting against the din of the engines roaring by.

as always i sit in my bedroom alone. on my bed alone. by myself alone.

how i often wish this wasn't the case. wouldn't it be nice to have some one else? if not wit me in bed (think wat u will) at least to waste the night away in endless conversations into the early hours of the morning.

all these remain but wishful thinking, lonely whispers sent to the night, fading away into the darkness. who hears my silent pleas? only the moon and the stars.

i tire of this life. this life of being alone. but i foresee it will be going on for a very long time. it must take alot of strength to forge ones way in life all by oneself. truly it does.

but alas i am not that strong. hope is diminishing that maybe one day something magical will happen, some spark, some passion. but the reality is that it won't happen.

love in this day and age is but a myth. a relationship now is more of a game than the meeting of 2 souls. oh well call me a old fashioned romantic.

how long can i ramble on, fending off my own dark thoughts from engaging me in battle?

for tonight and every night. i am alone.

ARGH

this song is fucking catchy. i want nobody, nobody but chu!!!!



this one should have subtitles. so u know wat they are singing about.

Lets See

i realised the other day that alot of the things that i post in my blog are either sad or depressing or me being annoyed at sumthing or all at once.

this lead me to think that some readers out there ,especially those who never met me before, might think i'm a nut case. like a depressed nut case. but i'm not. i'm actually a well adjusted young man. hah i know some of u are snickering there behind ur screens lol. well just stay wit me here.

i know everyone feels sad and depressed but most people just don't bother blogging about it. most people blog about happy things, the clubs they go to, dinners they had, cam whoring sessions and blah blah. well i'm not most people. as u very well know by now.

but i realised that blogging about sad depressing things is not good for my image. and my dears, image is everything. so i have decided to blog more about happy things and how hip and kewl i am. if i can manage to be hip and kewl that is lol.

and i realised this post is quite redundant. i jsut blogged coz i got nothing to do. blah. no cannot! must have positive image! its not that i ahve nothing to do. i'm just resting from my hectic schedule. sounds better no? lol.

ok la lame.better stop.

I Blog. Thats Wat I Do....

ok so i am sitting here wit nothing to do. here's my story so far. spent the whole CNY holidays at home. yay for me. and also i was sick wit the flu. its gone now except for this cough. which i would expect not to go away anytime soon. haiz. thats life.

well going back Brissy soon ( in 3 weeks) and well i meet my uni frens more than the people i came back here to meet lol. its not suprising. too busy. blah blah.

anyways......

We tend to become like the worst in those we oppose

that came from the Bene Gesserit, in the Dune series... if any of you are geeky enuff to know the Dunes Series well then good for you! lol.

so basically it dawned on me that i am becoming the worst in those that i oppose. or rather i foresee it. i foresee that i'm going to be just like one of them. just one of them. is that bad?

something i sooo violently oppose.. and somehow i will become just one of them. weird eh? i'm still trying to get my mind around it. its just mind boggling.

Serious Thinking...again

apologies for the random and unstructured format of this post.. i was just writing from the top of my mind.

so when was the last time i actually posted sumthing? a week ago? maybe who cares. time is irrelevant to me anyways. after griping and groaning about ppl not free to meet up wit me. i went out for 3 days straight although. it was just for a few hours between lunch and dinner. most of the time i was a time filler for ppl between appointments. its ok can't complain rite.

first of all my thoughts for the first part of the week was centered around how shallow the world is. especially in singapore. like i was raised wit the thinking that inner beauty is more important that outer beauty. u know being kind and considerate and stuff like that. but apparently that all bullshit. how u look plays a more important role than how nice u are.

so forget about being kind and considerate, wise and helpful, insightful and a good listener. all this is just bullshit. if u look good people will like u anyways. so wat if u spit on the roadside. if u ahve rock hard abs, it doesn't matter. so wat if u make fun of the disabled people, if u have a gorgeous face it doesn't seem so mean to make fun of them. like seriously it has been proven that goodlooking people are get jobs easier and make more frens than normal or ugly ppl.

so like kids, don't make the same mistake i did thinking growing up that ur skills and ur winsome personality is gonna get u noticed coz its not. please be vain and shallow. excercise not to keep fit but just to get a nice body. so what if u can't run 2.4km in 9mins. as long as u have bulging biceps tahts all that matters. it will be better for u in the long run and u will be like by more ppl and happier.

sad but true my dear readers. thats my conclusion in the beginning of the week, thats my awful realisation of the social fabric of young singapore especially in my section of society. but then i had a great AHA! moment before i went out on fri.

i was talking to mom or rather mom was talking to me about getting a driving license. i told i dun want to drive. i don't really need to know how to drive. and she said that everybody is taking it. but i replied "why must i be like everybody else." and that stuck wit me for the whole day.

like really why msut i be like everybody else? according to Elizabeth Gilbert( author of Eat, Pray, Love), u are ur own best person. you are u. i am me. we shouldn't be like everybody else, we should be ourselves and sing our own song. but the shit fuck thing is rite... society wants us to conform. especially sg society. in australia, individuality is celebrated and at worst tolerated. but there is NVR a pressure to change and conform, never. but in sg its the feeling that u need to conform, that u need to have 6 pack abs and a tan. like how?

i was having a chat wit benjo a few weeks back. and he said "those that conform to how society wants them to look like are weak" or sumthing to that effect lol. (it was a few weeks ago lol) well yeah its kinda true no? but these ppl who changed and conformed seem happier. they get picked up at clubs and generally look happier. so how!!!???

i went clubbing last night, with the good feeling of being myself. but i ended up feeling worse after. dun get me wrong it was a fun night, i enjoyed myself. but i was bummed that nobody pick me up, nobody ask for my number etc etc.... basically i was just ignored. well just have to drown my sorrows aye. well being myself clearly didn't work. its ok i guess. i'm starting to be resigned at the fact taht i'm not a very attractive person. even to drunks. to drunks u know!! drunks!!!! that just shows how not attractive i am. haiz. its ok kooky its ok....

so then after i had another chat wit benjo. lol. i told him about how outer beauty is more important than inner beauty. but he begged to differ. he said that outer beauty is the inititial attraction and then u get to know that person. so i guess there needs to be a balance in looking good inside and out... but its hard to preserve ur individuality and not become just another gym toned person. i guess now my quest is to find that balance.

so should i change and join the ranks? or just be myself and be alone forever? haiz.... the quest goes on.

Haifa Wehbe

been trawling youtube and revisited one of my favourite arab singers. Haifa Wehbe. the lebanese sex kitten. stunning beauty but its fake lol. plastic surgery. but who cares she's nice to look at. lol.

my favourite song so far - Amar El Wadi (Moon Valley) loves it. its about a girl asking the moon to look for her lover. along those lines. lol.



next up is Fakerni (Thinking) its about a break up and how the guys wants her back but its not gonna happen lol.



last one is Naughty. its well about being naughty. oh yeah.






well its time to go. blog later. enjoy the songs ;)