Thoughts at 3am

• Homo sapiens are a social species. indeed we are. we need ppl around us. to interact and to live our daily lives. those individuals that can live without the human interactions that the rest of the species so deep craves are truly commendable. namely the monks, nuns and hermit that shun human interactions to pursue their spiritual peace. one wonders how they do it.
• we need to be in a pack. like wolves. to be different or to be an individual would be social suicide. we all want to be the same. we feel safety in numbers of like minded ppl.
• Are you allowing ur self to be ostracized by putting ur foot down or believing in ur own beliefs or having an opinion? sure feels that way.
• life's not fair i get it.
  
• just coz i understand it does mean i can feel the way i feel.
• am i pushing ppl away?
• must i always have a smile all the time? do i need to be funny all the time?
• its nvr about me. its always about someone else. and when it is about me. nobody gives a shit. why can't i be selfish?
  
• ppl sometimes avoid me like the plague when i'm feeling all emo. and the ppl i expect to give a shit... well they dun. refer to point above.
  
• yeah this is my selfish moment. yes it is. although some ppl would think that i jsut want some attention. most probably i do. but i need a place to vent. an outlet if u please.
  
• i need to stop having conversations with myself. but hey i only have myself.
• although it does work out some of my anxieties and worries by having a conversation with myself. bizzare.
• my neck hurts.
• feeling peckish.
  
• this is so frustrating
• is such a thing as caring too much? i dun think so.
  
• someone told me to think about myself more. well if i did that. i won't have anymore frens.
• its all a delicate balance i guess. of being selfish and selfless.
  
• people are capable of great compassion and also great atrocities.
  
• people are also capable of alot of things? should i live in fear?
  
• i guess the only time ppl will appreciate me is when i'm gone.
  
• i can't please everybody.
• this feels like 2007
• ur thinking i'm crazy and depressive and have some issues.
• guess what. everyone has issues. but nobody listens.
• i need a hug. i really do :(
  

Well

So i haven't been updating as i should.... i better get to it... but i'm just really lazy... nothing exciting... even my hater has gone underground. maybe he's too busy... who knows...

aiyah...

till i'm not so lazy...

Its Been Ages

So its been ages since i blogged and since i'm just sitting aroudn at home i tot why not pen my thought down.

so many things have happened when since i last blogged. first of all i completed all my studies and finally said goodbye to my second home, Brisbane. it was bittersweet. ok la. it was just bitter. coming back to Singapore didn't feel good. i left behind a good life. i really did. i was happy. with my life, myself and in general i was happy back in brisbane.

but coming back here. its all so depressing. as much as i love Singapore where my family and frens are, i feel that i dun belong. i'm not comfortable here. i'm happy but not truly happy and content. if u read all my blog posts from when i was in Sg. its all so gloomy and depressing. but when i was in Brissy all my blog post seem abit more cheery and happier.

i guess the hectic and busy conformist lifestyle of singapore is not for me. i've said it countless times that u cannot be an individual in singapore. those taht do are shoved into the counter culture of singapore always potrayed as rebelling against the status quo. i commend these ppl who dare be themselves.

the view up someones nose muahahaha...

i yearn to go back. to finish up my Masters and to be happy i guess. but there are ties that bind me here to this little island. i can't just leave. haiz. dilemma. so i have come up wit a 5 year plan!! yes a five year plan!

• Work for a year and half or so in hopefully a museum. if not whatever i can find.
• go back to Brissy hopefully in 2011 to complete my Masters
• get a job in aussie in a museum or sumthing.

ok i realised that its only 3 points but its in the works... basically my main aim is to get back into uni in 2011. i feel that its abit wasted that i only did a Grad Cert. so masters it is!

i guess the only thing i can do now is to look forward and work on my goals. move forward kooky!! thats the only way u can go! i shall remember the fond memories i had of brisbane and hopefully that would give me the strength to carry on in this city i call home.

Hey Party People..

hey there, its been like what? almost a month since i last blogged. i dunno i seem to have lost the drive. its like the tide it comes and goes. so what has been going on my life since the last post? basically same ole same ole.

interesting fact taht all u see there are carrots, in various shades. originally carrots were white and purple and it was because of the House Of Orange-Nassau carrots became orange. just an interesting fact.

anyho back to me. hmm so far i've finished my studies and now just hanging around for the next couple of weeks before i go back to Singapore :(

i've started to like the love life here and the lifestyle and the freedom you enjoy. an one of the most important things i like about Brisbane (and maybe Australia in general) is the ability to express ur own individuality and just be urself. u could have tattoos and dreadlocks and still be working most jobs here. but not in singapore, where such forms of individual expression is frowned upon. even in dressing, people in singapore just wants to be like everyone else. which is fine but somehow gets abit boring. and i'm sure i've written about this soo many times but in Singapore people judge u more. people stare and makes comments about you secretly and sometimes not so secretly just coz u dare to be different, just coz u have a neck tattoo or just coz u dare to wear mismatched pair of socks. i'm sure it happens here in Brissy too but in Sg i feel it more. haiz. maybe its not such a good place to live after all.

but its where most of my frens are. and of course me family. i'll go back and see where the road leads me. well its back to the same feeling i had 1 and half years ago when i was leaving Sg to come here. the same sad bittersweet feling that i'm feeling now. i know i have to go but part of me doesn't. haiz. thats life i guess. every few years my life takes a complete new direction. it seems to be getting abit tiring. why can't i just stay and be comfortable and be happy for a long period of time? settle down? nice comfortable job that i like to do and that pays well. surrounded by people i love and whose company i enjoy. i'll be contented with that. but well... know how life is.. i'm sure that wouldn't happen or at least wun come so easily.

it will be a big step for me into the unknown. like stepping into the fog. oooh see how i made a pictoral reference!! *giggles* indeed i'll be finally be hopefully working. being an adult. voting. waking up at a set time in the morning everyday!! thats crazy. god, the very thought of joining the daily grid is frightening enough but i guess i need to grow up and be a responsible adult. i'll be honest. i'm scared. of not knowing what lies ahead especially at this point in my life. but hey gotta take the first step.

so far i'm optimistic. and so far things have been slowly falling into place. so yeah its looking good so far. hopefully the plans i have set out for myself will come to fruition. with a little help from me of course.

but for now i'm sayng my goodbyes to brisbane. a place and that i have come to love and where i have made some good frens. see ya in abit.

Ultimate Super Mega Post!

or maybe not.. lol... so people of the blogosphere... what have i been up too? its been 3 weeks since i posted anything substantial to this blog. so umm been busy with skool and life.

so basically nothing much to say anymore.. its a phase i guess when suddenly u have nothing much to say abou anything and just let go with the flow. so yeah.

so i'll entertain you wit pictures of pretty clouds. and that by the way is Ah Lee's hand. although i have to say that this dratted hot and then cold weather is causing my respitory tract some major discomfort. like its cold at night then freaksihly hot in the day. its making me catch a cold or flu or whatever it is that makes ur snot drip down like leaking faucet and makes u sneeze ur brains out.

and i've noticed that once my internet is throttled (yes internet throttling is a concept unknown to singaporeans ) when loading pictures, my computer somehow deliberately loads the pictures i do not want to see and hangs the loading of those i want to see. its strange. like loading facebook thumbnails. my com only shows half of the photos that i want to see but fully loads the rest. is it just me? or is my computer really selectively loading and depriving me of the ones i want to see? hmmm... interesting no?

well laa dee daa..

for a moment there i thought i had the flu... thank god i dun.. coz i have no fever only a really really runny nose... i had a good search over the internet over the differences between the flu and the common cold. quite interesting actually.

anyhoo i better be resting. in the cold. under my doona. only to wke up really warm coz the weather is FREEEKAY....

Hallo

so i haven't been updating my blog for quite abit... like anyone cares lol.. but yeah for those who follow me... no this not twittter... i'll update it soon.. see ya..kkthnxbye...

halloween!!!! HALLOWEEN!!!!

oh yeah i know its months away till halloween... but i'm just blasting Marilyn Manson's This Is Halloween... i love that song... all versions of it... u know that song from Nightmare before Christmas?

this one lol.... this is the original not the manson version.

so whats been going on for the past week? nothing much... oh wait.. been killing myself over assignments lol.. and i'm yet again... or maybe its jsut the sniffles. its not a full blown flu episode just my nose is stuffed and abit weak. oh and the sneezing. alas its not swine flu. i blame it on the weather. it is getting chilly...

so had a very busy weekend wit dinners and projects and assignments... thus too much fun makes kookyplum a sick boy... and i hate it coz its like the type where u are sick and not sick at the same time... well pic of the week...

its a persimmon. yes. i know =D

there is not much to share on this tuesday blog. i just feel like curling up in bed and just sleeping. although i know i have a bazillion assignments to do and stuff. bleargh.

went to Paddy again this week but nah somehow the things didn't seems so interesting. and i went to Annerly..some how i dunno what the hype is about. kinda lack luster in the oppt shops. i think maybe coz ppl already took all the kool stuff and left the not so kool stuff behind. next stop is Salvos Warehouse at Glenrosa Rd. gotta ask sleepy to take me there, lol.

sorry dudes and dudettes. here ends my tuesday post for this week. feeling shit as.

till next time.

Winters Coming

its been getting colder the past few days here in good ole Brissy. means winter is coming and its time to whip out all those sweaters and scarves and cardigans. and its also time to stop eating. goddammit!!! i've been like eating non stop man. i think its the cold =(

pretty lanterns at Buddha's Birthday celebrations

so whats been happening for the past week. well alot of things taht i will not mention. lol. but there was alot of studying i must say and hanging out wit frens and wasting alot of money so yeah so now i'm technically broke. yeap yeap. broke i am. so no going out this week. or shopping. or eating out. ok i'll make concessions on eating out. lol.

anyways other news. Sleepy said i was balding. which i think is true. gggrrr.... sad fact of life la. the top of my head is thinning. how? is it coz i colored my hair? balding at 25..terrible isn't it.. i'm liek Prince William. well at least he's a prince. and my hair is suddenly super limp and weak. why? tell me why? oh the horror. of my thinning hair.

anyways for those Brissians and former students studying in Brisbane here's abit of new for you. the whole GreenFlea Markets has ended with the markets now being managed by the same ppl that manage SouthBank Markets. its not that SouthBank market is not good. its jsut that GreenFlea at WestEnd has a whole different feel to it. like its rough and hippie and relaxed and happy and bohemian. SouthBank markets are overpriced and touristy and clean and sanitized. like totally different.

and the company thats taking over is a Sydney based company. i dunno there is alot of controversy over it. for one, why change something when its already running so well and peopel like it the way it is?
is it coz its not wheel chair accesible?
is it coz its not pram friendly?
too much ppl traffic is killing the grass?

but if u were there u would know that the space does not allow for such things and people make do. we give way to moms with prams and people in wheelchairs. and the grass issue is just bullshit. its a public park for gods sake. oh well. the issue is closed and done. Green Flea is no more. and its sanitized. i wonder how much of the multicultural diversity the new management will preserve as they have stated in the papers. we will see.

and speaking fo takeovers. the silly AWARE saga has reached my ears over here in Brissyland. and all i can say is.

Josie and her gang are for a lack of a better word. twats.

like come on. if u want to take over sumthing, the best way is to infiltrate it slowly and weasel ur way to the top. its an NGO leh nota buisness. such coporate takeover will fail for sure. and wit the Dr? Prof? Thio mentoring the takeover. WTH. when she came clean wit that statement, it all fell apart. and saying tat AWARE was promoting homosexuality. like she's a lawyer. doesn't she know that tolerating homosexuality and promoting hmosexuality are 2 different matters.

just coz AWARE accepts and helps women of all backgrounds including lesbians means they are promoting homosexuality? thats kinda narrow minded way of thinking no? AWARE is a womens group, means they help all women of all races, religion and sexual orientation irregardless. as long as ur a women AWARE is there for you. silly Josie and her pussycats. and firing the centre manager? WTH was that for? i'm glad they stepped down.

i'm not saying i have a problem wit pro family christians. but if u feel so strongly about pro family values why not start ur own christian womens group? its very unethical to take over a secular organization and wanting it to be christian pro family with the thinking taht everything is gonna be fine and dandy. thats just silly. so at the end of the day i have no problem wit their values of profamily and chritian-ness. all views are welcome and yeah pro family is good in some contexts. but the problem i have or had is the manner in which they took over AWARE and how they tried to mould it to their agenda. thats all. but its all settled now. go Old Guard. ok thats my 2 cents lol.

after that amazing rant.

well i did go to Paddington this week to explore further up the street and apparently its more high end vintage stuff up there. kool really kool stuff but, i can't afford it lol. maybewhen i have more money i will come back =D but i did but a cardigan for 3 dollars lol. but i never take picture la. instead here's some picture of bugs in jars.

namely spiders and centipedes =D

i love preserved bugs and animals. i really hope though that i could liek work in a museum with the dead bugs and animals. that would the coolest. well tahts all for this week's tuesday blog. till next time. toodles

Bad Kooky Bad....

the weekly post comes late today. well as if anyone cares but yeah its late. coz i had issue wit my internet connection (which i still have) and being distracted by books. more on that later but ok weekly recap. let see what did i do for the week besides umm stuff.... nothing much i guess. i dunno all i can remember about the past week is. rainbows and museums. which technically what it was all about. first up rainbows!!!

i forgot which day it was but i saw the most amazing rainbow. its was the most beautiful thing i've seen so far in my life. like so totally in awe at it. i almost let my meat burn on the stove. coz i was too busy snapping pictures. lol. it was like a complete rainbow, from one end to one end. like where it started and where in end. and after awhile there was a double rainbow. so magical. too bad i got no one to share it with. so i shared it on facebook lol.

well that made me think that the world is not so bad after all. i felt really happy seeing the rainbow. happy happy!! don't rainbows make u feel really happy? or at least feel good about urself?

well anyways. then the rest of the week happened. lol. i really can't remember much of what happened. like time and memories get abit hazy when u got nothign to do. its true. but i think friday i went out to Ipswich City. oh yes Ipswich. for those of you in the know, u know what i mean. went to the train museum and the art gallery. and i must say both were very good cultural institutions. but the city was very different from Brisbane city. it was more.... its just different la... dunno hwo t describe it. although i can say one thing. there were no freaking asians. none. ok. fine, there was maybe one out of 50 white ppl. very few lol.

anyho. its seems every week for the past weeks i have been buying something. ok fine somethingssss vintage or antique. well this week it came in the form of books. vintage books. the uni has a book fair that occurs once every 2 years. ONCE EVERY 2 YEARS GODDAMMIT!!! the Alumni Book Fair is a book lover's dream come true. i almost cummed in my pants. like most books go for just one dollar!!! JUST ONE DOLLAR!!!!!! like OMG LAAAAAAAAA can die or not. and they have such a good selection of books. wide range but u have to be focused.

like i mainly buy old botany and entomology texts. i'm starting a collection. i'm not gonna describe each and every book but mostly the books i bought were from the 1920s, 30s and 40s. there is one from 1890s i think. but nothing after 1960. i also picked books taht i though had interesting titles or looked good like this red velvet bound book. which looks so kool. and 2 Alice in Wonderland books. and some various trivia books. but my prized possesion is this. The Arabian Nights Entertainment printed in 1885.

the Arabian Nights Entertainment is also known as 1001 Arabian Nights. its where u get Sindbad and Aladdin. as told by Sheriazade(?) to the Sultan. u know taht book? the collection of stories? u know u know? yunho?

yeah u wish it was this u-know rite? fat chance!!!

anyhoooo... tomorrow which is wednesday is box day. where the books are really really cheap. i need to go and get more books!!! more books i tell you!!! its a very bad thing to do like spending moeny on all these books but the way i think of it is that by buying these books i actually can prolong their life. like really i'm sure these books will be thrown out eventually. so at least by me having them they can be enjoyed for a longer time? i could go on about soem cultural and intagible significance these books hold but i shan't... i'll leave that to my museum class lol.

anyways frens, countrymen, romans..... i shall leave thee here. coz i need to sleep early. too go to the book fair again lol.... taaaa...

Change

its tuesday again my frens. i'm still slightly sick. i might even have pneumonia! yes sadly taht thought flashed across my mind as i was having stabbing chest pains while walking back home from skool in the morning. and speaking of walking and skool. on my way to skool yesterday evening i met no less my frens, no less than 7 people. 7 people!! luckily i left early for class. anyho and ha. pretty picture time.

pretty rainbow that visits me every morning on my wall. so purty.

anyways watching Sex and the City always gets me in the mood to blog and to blog ala Carrie. which is to say lets jsut blog about things that ppl don't really talk about. u know singaporeans are such an uptight wound up bunch. so lets throw caution to the wind and my fingers and my heart do the talking.

i've been thinking about when our frens, our close frens get attached, do they change? or it is us, the single ppl that change?

i've been thru this alot. when ur frens get attached to someone some how i feel, personally that i've been kicked aside. the person whom u spent a considerable amount of time wit hanging out talking or wateva suddenly has no time for you anymore. thats all fair. i understand it completely. its love, who am i to get in the way. well just coz i understand it doesn't mean i can't feel abit hurt and dumped. it is safe to say that for one relationship to start, another has to somehow end or change?

its nice that people get together and i wish all of you well. but its human nature to get jealous and defensive. we might not want to admit it but to some extent, deep down inside the recesses of our hearts, we do. especially when ur a single 20 sumthing relationship virgin. ah yes it sad. now stop giving me that look. so we start to dislike (i wun use the word hate) the bf/gf, we give fake smiles when we hear about the awesome time u had at sumwhere sumwhere and how funny he/she is. not that i don't wanna hear about it but not too much. one can only take so much love talk.

maybe its all entirely me. feeling resentful to not be in a relationship but instead watching countless others unfold and end, right before my every eyes. its like looking into a garden but i'm being locked out. i need to find my key. and everybody keeps saying u'll find someone soon. i'm so over that phrase lol.

but back to my point or question or watever. which was do the ones getting attached change? well they most definitely do. u become ur partner, taking up their habits and nuances. u behave and talk like them and dress similiar to them. sometimes annoyingly so. and us the single people change as well. we change to accomodate the new dynamics of the relationship we once had wit you because if we don't change and adapt, we get left behind (thats from Greys i think).

its interesting once u think about it. most people don't. most people have a life. and i'm not most people. lol. but yeah part and parcel of life i guess. well since i dun have anyone to share my life with, i choose instead to share my life with shopping!

this week i didn't go to Paddington. thank god. if i did i would have spent alot of money again. but instead i went to the WestEnd Markets and still manage to pick up some vintage finds. so *drumrolls* introducing my collection of stuff to add to my already bulging collection of stuff.

a cute hand mirror, apparently from an old lady estate sale. which means she's dead. which is kool. most vintage stuff are from dead ppl. i don't think its weird. its like inheriting ur great grandmas diamond ring or sumthing. just that in this case. i dun know the person lol. and a feather brooch which i assume came from another lil old lady. i think it great that i have in my posession the mirror. its so sweet and pretty. at least another generation will cherish it as much she had i would imagine.

on a side note: some chick said that my man satchel (the big folder bag thing, see pastpost) looked hot. so by default i look hot? lol :)

so that sums up my weekly tuesday post. really wanna oppt shop shopping. maybe Annerly or somewhere? any takers? lol till next time. see ya.