apologies for the random and unstructured format of this post.. i was just writing from the top of my mind.
so when was the last time i actually posted sumthing? a week ago? maybe who cares. time is irrelevant to me anyways. after griping and groaning about ppl not free to meet up wit me. i went out for 3 days straight although. it was just for a few hours between lunch and dinner. most of the time i was a time filler for ppl between appointments. its ok can't complain rite.
first of all my thoughts for the first part of the week was centered around how shallow the world is. especially in singapore. like i was raised wit the thinking that inner beauty is more important that outer beauty. u know being kind and considerate and stuff like that. but apparently that all bullshit. how u look plays a more important role than how nice u are.
so forget about being kind and considerate, wise and helpful, insightful and a good listener. all this is just bullshit. if u look good people will like u anyways. so wat if u spit on the roadside. if u ahve rock hard abs, it doesn't matter. so wat if u make fun of the disabled people, if u have a gorgeous face it doesn't seem so mean to make fun of them. like seriously it has been proven that goodlooking people are get jobs easier and make more frens than normal or ugly ppl.
so like kids, don't make the same mistake i did thinking growing up that ur skills and ur winsome personality is gonna get u noticed coz its not. please be vain and shallow. excercise not to keep fit but just to get a nice body. so what if u can't run 2.4km in 9mins. as long as u have bulging biceps tahts all that matters. it will be better for u in the long run and u will be like by more ppl and happier.
sad but true my dear readers. thats my conclusion in the beginning of the week, thats my awful realisation of the social fabric of young singapore especially in my section of society. but then i had a great AHA! moment before i went out on fri.
i was talking to mom or rather mom was talking to me about getting a driving license. i told i dun want to drive. i don't really need to know how to drive. and she said that everybody is taking it. but i replied "why must i be like everybody else." and that stuck wit me for the whole day.
like really why msut i be like everybody else? according to Elizabeth Gilbert( author of Eat, Pray, Love), u are ur own best person. you are u. i am me. we shouldn't be like everybody else, we should be ourselves and sing our own song. but the shit fuck thing is rite... society wants us to conform. especially sg society. in australia, individuality is celebrated and at worst tolerated. but there is NVR a pressure to change and conform, never. but in sg its the feeling that u need to conform, that u need to have 6 pack abs and a tan. like how?
i was having a chat wit benjo a few weeks back. and he said "those that conform to how society wants them to look like are weak" or sumthing to that effect lol. (it was a few weeks ago lol) well yeah its kinda true no? but these ppl who changed and conformed seem happier. they get picked up at clubs and generally look happier. so how!!!???
i went clubbing last night, with the good feeling of being myself. but i ended up feeling worse after. dun get me wrong it was a fun night, i enjoyed myself. but i was bummed that nobody pick me up, nobody ask for my number etc etc.... basically i was just ignored. well just have to drown my sorrows aye. well being myself clearly didn't work. its ok i guess. i'm starting to be resigned at the fact taht i'm not a very attractive person. even to drunks. to drunks u know!! drunks!!!! that just shows how not attractive i am. haiz. its ok kooky its ok....
so then after i had another chat wit benjo. lol. i told him about how outer beauty is more important than inner beauty. but he begged to differ. he said that outer beauty is the inititial attraction and then u get to know that person. so i guess there needs to be a balance in looking good inside and out... but its hard to preserve ur individuality and not become just another gym toned person. i guess now my quest is to find that balance.
so should i change and join the ranks? or just be myself and be alone forever? haiz.... the quest goes on.