We bid adieu to 2006 and Welcome 2007

Well here we are on the threshhold of 2007. 2006 was a bitch but i expect 2007 to be bitchier (as poignantly pointed out by my fren, Minz) ... some good and wonderful memories and some bad ones. but alas they remain memories and are buried in the past. well if 2007 is gonna bitchier i have to keep up.

time for a change.

i wouldn't call them resolutions and i hate to call them that. to me these are decisions (well as oprah calls them)

• ok, next year i have to look fabulous. well. better skin and better body. better clothes. this may take alot of effort but hey image is everything.
• to be bitchier. well this takes no effort watsoever. if ppl piss you off. be a bitch.
• Find love. hhahaa, ok this one is hilarious but to please the inner romantic in me.
• To be more open. i've realised and someone has kindly pointed out that i'm numb. i numb myself from everything. so i don't get hurt or involved emotionally. which is so true. well to get hurt is part of life which i shall embrace.
• To stick to the above points. too many is not good.

hah, as i type this we have officially crossed over to 2007.

HAPPIE NEU YEAH!!!

TO A WORSE YEAR YET!!!

Last Day of 2006

tomolo is the last day of 2006. going to go to my Grandma house. tomolo is also coincidentally Hari Raya Haji. so the whole clan is gonna be there. that how i'll spend my new years eve. countdown's at home.as it has always been.

anyways, i learned a new skill. ahah! i learned knitting! how old and depressing. but it kinda therapeutic. the constant tiwsting and turning of the yarn ins claming and hypnotic. i'm making myself a scarf which i have no need for but it seems fun. of course its green.

other than that just wasting my time away... slowly...

oh wait for my new year post then.. that will be fun..

Ends on a Low Note... Very Low....

well 2006 had to end on the lowest possible note ever.....

let me first explain again if i haven't already, why this blog exists. this blog exist as an outlet for me to express myself. where else can i talk out loud about the thing i like or don't like. i don't bitch around, much anyways, in real life so i do it here. just that i let the world read my stuff and an insight to my disturbed soul. this blog is my diary of sorts and it keeps me sane to a certain extent. that why my blog exists. things i may type here are not to be discussed out in the real world. i have a public persona and pernal one too and wen in public i behave differently to wat i write here. you have to be very close to me for me to open up to you. don't i maybe smiling but rest assured taht there is something i feel like crap about. i just don't want to ruin your day talking to you about it.

and also let me first apologize in advance. if you happen to read this, which i think you will, i have to say I'M SORRY. things that i am going to write next will hurt your feelings but it has hurt me more. there is nothing wrong with you. you are who you are as i am who i am. you are wonderful person. great and i mean it. i'm not trying to attack you or anything. its just the things people say and their actions and behaviour that irks me. its not you. PLEASE don't be offended. really once again. i'm sorry if i offend you or hurt your feelings. you know who you are.

with that i shall start my blog proper.

you can tease me and taunt me. i'm not the most butch or macho man in the world. i can take it. i have putting up with it for the most part of my life. you can tell me i'm a weakling and not strong that i know very well. lets just say i can't take alot of shit and not take it personally. but there somethings that people say that will hit me where it hurts. even in the strongest walls there are weak spots. this happened the other day.

"eh why you become sergeant? why cannot (insert name here) become sergeant?" wah wen he said that to me, i was stunned for awhile. tried to do some damage control and FYI its not education level that determines if you can go and be a spec. First of all, i'm not from the MONO, i'm from Tekong and it just so happened that i was posted at the wrong time and maybe at the wrong place. you think i want to be in that godforsaken place? it was quite hurt by that comment.

but too late the seeds was planted. correction, the seed has already been planted this was just the water to nourish it. for things have happened before similiar to this. people have to go thru other people wen i'm in the bloody vicinity. i was there. yet, nobody asks me. i could be standing in the same room but oh ho nooo, lets call up somebody else and ask. wen i am freaking in the room.

some people have no trust in me. they have no confidence in me. and these people are important figures in my work. how can i work if they have very little confidence in me. they prefer others to take my job. if you have little confidence in me why not post me out and find someone else to take over? although they never say it but can see it in the way they talk to me and the general feeling i get wen i'm around them. you prefer someone else, i know but your stuck with me. how am i supposed to work properly if i know there is little support behind me? maybe i'm insecure i dunno. its just how i feel.

but how can you compare both of us? we are both different people. we have our strengths and weakness. i know i don't deserve the rank. i was promoted on the fact taht i had to be promoted. how could i be right?

i have no physical fitness to speak of.
i can't command, ppl don't listen to me.
i'm "soft" not macho.
wen you look at me you don't see authority or power.
my medical skills are a mess.
i have no organizational skills.
i'm silly and illogical.

my weaknesses outweigh my strengths. i'm not perfect, i will never be, but at least have some confidence in me. and don't compare me with others. i'm trying hard to do my job, i am fucked up i noe but i am who i am.

once again don't take this the wrong way, i don't mean to hurt people's feelings or make enemies. i just want to let it out, if i keep it in i'll most probably die. the only person hurt here is me. my confidence has died. i feel so depressed and down right now. wat a way to start the new year.

Hopefully a Rest... i Think Not....

Ok got back from Ward duty and was kinda tired, ok i lie was very tired. spent the whole night sleeping on chairs so i think my neck abit sore. heh. anyways.

ya went to Singapore Garden Festival with Sam. I think they should hav in more often. its wonderful. like its a Botanical wonderland. but i think they overdid it on the orchid part. ya i know singapore is a major producer of orchids but they didn't have to dedicated a quarter of the Festival space to orchids. ok fine that the OSSEA had a awards thing but they could have competitions for other plants like fruits and vegetables or largest flower or best specimen for different catergory of plants to get the public involved in gardening and plants. thats just me. anyways being there i just had to buy something so here the stuff i bought. coincidentally or not the stuff i bought are all tiny things. tiny plants that is.

Psygmorchis pusilla: oh my god its the tiniest orchid you have ever seen. really really tiny. half the size of ur thumb. so cute. click here for pic. and here so cute.

Neoregelia pauciflora: a small bromeliad nothing special. just that its the size of ur palm and has spot which my fren thought were diseased spots. Pics here and here

Guzmania "Tipi" : tiniest Guzmania i've ever seen. same palm sized thing. hope it pups for me. Pic scroll down to Tipi.

i feel contented and happy. i have went and i have seen and i have interacted. and i feel fucking tired. such a hectic week but somehow i wokup this morning at the hospital and looked in the mirror and said "WOW!" i looked fabulous. (no really i looked great. laugh all you want.) but the crap part of it was i was not going out today. looking great and nowhere to go. irony of the century. haha.

i can't wait for the new year. things will change for the new year. for one i will leave the army and all the wonderful and colorful ppl it contains. that includes the Fucked up ones as well. all life experiences. i have made a list in my mind of all the new years resolutions for the next year. one of them is to try and keep to my resolutions. heh. i'm sure this week will be as hectic as the past one. crap.

Retrospect 2006

ah yes, its time for the much expected and very very very cliched Retrospect 2006. everybody does it. i decided to do it now, a week before the new year, coz for one i'm at home and its raining and there is nothing much to do. and well i fear i won't be free on new years to type it out. umm. on second thought i will be free for the lack of a social life but anyways.

2006 wat do i think of thee? for one it was an eventful year. a year of growth for myself and self exploration. which i have never done before. meeting some wonderful people who have touched my life in more ways than they will ever noe. so shall we begin? on a journey that spans 12 months and wat each months means to me... travel back in time to......

January to March: Nothing much happened here. trying to fit in and learning new stuff. preparing to go to Brunei. Physical training and stuff like that. aand the workload hah! Personally i've been some sort of a mouse. Shying away at stuff and people.

April: i guess this where it all began. when we went to Brunei. it was trying physically and mentally to walk as much as we did and to carry as much i did. it was a challenge and i grew from it. wen ur in the jungle far from any help and the only medical help for your guys is you. you sort of realise the gravity of the situation. this is where it all started to change.

May: this was a relaxed month since we just came back from Brunei and was in the middle of preparing for NDP. i started my quest of self eploration. all thanks to this one person.

June and July: Prep for NDP. had the time of my life. it was fun doing aNDP and also quite tiring. I had 3 appointments or rather 3 jobs at 3 different places. sheesh.

August & September & October : NDP was an experience. And also started my Paramedic level 2 course. Hah! BEst time of my Life! Met the most wonderful ppl. made new frens.

November: Was away for OPS. sHush! i can't say wat it is. which was fun. other than that nothing happened.

December: and so we are here in December. was that fast or wat. of course i left out alot of bits but then if i did den it would a million miles long wouldn't it? also i can't possibly remember all the stuff that happened to me.

i started my self exploration all thanks to you. if ur reading this anyways which i think you won't but who knows eh? you work in mysterious ways. i started to think about myself to see wat was going on with me because of you. you came into my life and well left quite an impression and affected me deeply more than you'll ever know. you still do. oh well. can't go any further or not i'll open a huge can of worms.

anyways next post will be on my new years resolutions. tadah!

The Unknown surrounds us at any given moment.

That is where we seek knowledge.

Bene Gesserit, Dune

Singapore Garden Festival

ok first of all it has been one fucking hectic week. monday got range cover, tuesday and wednesday got duty, thursday i had to conduct tests and friday got duty again. sat went out the whole day, and sunday got duty again. gosh its a wonder that i even manage to post this post. but i have stuff to tell and say.

I WENT TO THE SINGAPORE GARDEN FESTIVAL!!!!!

finally i'm so happy. it was quite an experience, so many beautiful plants and so many beautiful ppl too. and am very very tired now. anyways bought a few plants and will give you a breakdown of them k? as for now i shall sleep and go duty tomolo. fuck.

Gloomy Sunday

Woke up this Sunday morning to find it raining and gloomy. This drop in temperature has lead to me having a drippy nose and me sneezing every few seconds. damn weather. anyways....

there has been much hype about sex education in the news and in the blogging world. sorry it took me quite some time to think about it. apparently there is a debate (if i'm not wrong, sorry haven't been up to date lately) wether anot to revamp sex education in skool or something like that. add to that the recent molest thing going on, people are giving serious thought or rather just creatinga big woo hah! about it. let me tell you why.......

kids or rather teenagers are exploring their sexuality at a very early age. lets face the fact. i personally know a few people who lost their viriginity at a young age of 13! while i was happily watch Days of Lives and listening to Spice Girls. urgh imagine that? (why you looking at me like that? please ah i was a very innocent teen ok) so anyways Sex Ed in secondary skool is kinda redudndant and if they did it in Pri skool it would be tarnishing the innocnet image of childhood. so there lies the conundrum.

its kinda the iceberg effect, here are a few ppl i know who have "fun" on a regular basis while in lower sec, i know for sure there are many more ppl out there. wat i'm trying to say is Sex Ed should be scrapped in skool anyway. wit the internet they could do a portal for kids to go to by themselves to check it out. i mean they have frens and internet wat else do they need? we are still living in an conservative asian culture, lets not kids ourselves with trying to be sexually open. please if we cannot handle such adult issues like oral sex ( which for now has been approved for heteros) and homosexuality (which has not) we are trying to openly educate our youngster about sex? do not make me laugh. we will learn about sex like all good asian kids. BY OURSELVES.

we must been doing it right coz the number of teen pregnancy are not in the thousands and STDs are not rampant. i might be wrong don't quote me on this. its has been going on for generations, the self exploration bits it has since our parents generations and it shall continue on for many generations to come. ok may be not so many, maybe a few more.

well enuff this weeks rants. hah! here's a nice video of a Sarangi. forgice me for mixing classical indian music wit the topic of today's rant. but i love the Sarangi, its the musical instrument that can imitate a person voice. and it has the most wonderful tone. but i'm playing the sitar coz there aren't many Sarangi teachers here. but it is a wonderful instrument. enjoy.

toodles

A Lonely Weekend

Singapore Garden Festival has started and i wanna go!!!! oh but this time i am going, next sat so i really hope nothing goes wrong. Any body want to join me? ummm... ok i was running thru my mind of who would go and it sorta drew a blank.. besides those who are already going on an earlier date, i can't think of anyone else that would want to go.. without much persuasion that is... but why don't you suprise me? will u join me in the Botanical World?

anyways... my skin is fucked up.. officially fucked up... like i looked in the mirror this morning and my face was so shiny i was almost blinded my the reflection of sunlight against it. and pimples have been popping up in many places. and pores are the size of... oh i can't bear to say it... the horror of my skin... i shall not say anymore... genetics a bitch....

ok very very tired... need to sleep... only got 3 hours of sleep ok... so toodles...

The Problem With Me

The Problem With Me a short essay by KookyPlum

the problem with me is i try to understand the world i live in. instead of actually living it. i'm endlessly breaking down ppl's actions and behaviour to find out why they do it and wat is its place in the whole grand design of the universe. i try to analyse weather , cloud and winds to predict wether it will rain. i observe ppl to see their behaviour. but i must say it has not gone in vain. i can and have achieve some things from these silly doings of mine. i can't tell you wat they are. its a secret. bottom line i think too much.

the problem with me is a psychoanalyse myself too much. the harshest judge of me is me. i try to analyse wat i do and wat i think too much. maybe i should just start to pretend everything is happie yappie like everyone else. the truth is just too painful to confront and we all should just pretend and go on with our lives like nothing happened. it seems to work for most people, it could work for me. pretending. putting on a smile wen i feel like crap. wait i do that already.

the problem with me is just me. i have to get over it. or rather shove my issues in the back of my mind where it will lead to some weird behaviour or bite me in the ass in the near future. oh well. thus ends my essay.

anyways i've decided to brush up on my plant knowledge and have decided to revise my plant biology. thats should keep me busy and also i plan to read up on my paramedic stuff also and too add to that i need to train for my silver and add to that all the shit that happens in camp. that should keep me occupied and happily pretending.

well it was good while it lasted. block leave i mean. back to camp soon.

KERMALAK LYRICS!!!!

Oh My God! some kind soul has given me the translation for the song Kermalak which i had posterd a few post down!! i'm soo happie to finally know wat it means.

Kermalak (For You)

You dont want us to stay lovers

And never stay away from each other

You want me to be ur freind

And lie to my melting heart

you are unfair and u know

The pain i feel when your're far away from me

Tell me my love And i'll accept my fate

If you let me know what you wish for

Because of you i started to hiding

The love i have in my heart

Pretending that i'm indifferent

Not caring not concerned

Acting like a friend to you

Constantly asking how you are doing

Feeling secure that you are near

And not troubling you with my love

Your love had me running after you

And made me lose my sel

fIt made me follow you everywhere

But it did not take me,

nor did it let me go

You are so selfish

Oh my love try to forget me

My heart hardens

And it can forget

The days we were lovers.

I Don't Get It

Ok there are somethings in life that remain a mystery. Here are somethings that will remain a mystery to me. I just don't get it. first on the list ( and i do like to make lists)

• ppl going for a tan. if ur naturally tan thats ok. if ur a fisherman its ok. if ur a life guard its ok. if you play lotsa beach sports like beach volley ball and swimming then its ok. i don't get ppl who go to the beach to get tan. i means its ok but i just don't get it. if ur fair just remain fair. fair is good. i like fair. i am fair. if ur tanning to get the illusion of being sporty den umm i dunno wat to say. asians are either of two colors. fair or dark. tann is not a natural skin color. its wat you get wen you fry skin under the sun. but then thats just me.
• ppl who dye their hair blonde or red. i mean the whole head blond. go ahead dye your hair dark brown or highlight your hair. but i don't get why ppl dye their hair blond. i mean ur asian. we have black hair at most brown hair (for those lucky few) we don't have blond hair. if your whole head blond why never dye your eyebrows blond too and ur pubes. muz match mah. den again its just me.
• boxers. i personally like briefs. coz i like how it hugs my ass and support my assets (haha!) we all have preferences. but i don't get why guys wear boxers and then wear running shorts? the boxers stick out and are ugly. and don't running shorts have those little inner lining/underwear things? if you want ur balls to hang then don't wear underwear. strange.

ok that my observations for the past day or so. its nice observe ppl. its been a totally boring days thats wat i do on boring days. also wats nice to do on borings days wen ur at home is. well if there is a thunderstorm going on while ur home, is to lightning watch. i just love the way the lightning streaks across the sky with their silver white veins. appearing in an instant against the grey sky. waiting for the thunder to come and vibrate your whole being. its nice to lightning watch. indoors of course.

hopefully tomolo is a better day. is there still nobody who wants to go Singapore Garden Fest with me? i can't make it Monday coz well i'm in camp (and its always Monday) and well nobody wants to go. i could go alone but then that would suck.

A Quote

"IT IS ASTONISHING HOW FOOLISH HUMANS CAN BE IN GROUPS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY FOLLOW THEIR LEADERS

WITHOUT QUESTION"

a quote from the Bene Gesserit (Frank Herbert's Dune)

You can find more here

Lethargy

you would think that 2 days of rest would like rejuvenate you but no it didn't... i slept like really early for the past 2 days and it didn't help. i feel more tired than before and my muscles are damn sore. my shoulders feel very tired. my back hurts. my neck is stiff. so much for getting alot of rest. but the upside is i had alot of funny dreams. dreaming is fun. coz i'll wake up after a particular dream and go back to sleep and change the story or continue it. i can do that and its fun. but the bummer thing about dreams is that you forget then during the day and as time goes by you forget them altogether. but at least i know i had fun.

ok anyhoo, to combat this lethargy i have been drinking shitloads of water and eating alot of fruits. like here i am sitting here typing, at the same time eating a bowl of fruit salad. which by the way consists of bananas, grapes, bluberries and a handful of almonds. hmm goodness. also had a cup of hot chocolate. ok on hindsight that might hav been a bit too much but at least i feel happy. and full. happy and full. and fat. sigh. such are the ironies of life.

ok so i have wasted 3 days of block leave already doing nothing but stay at home and going to singapore expo. with the expectations of going to see the Sacred Buddhist Relics but after seeing the Q i'm beggining to change my mind. maybe i'll let the Buddhist people go see it and let them take my place. its more important to them anyways.

so there goes one thing i wanna do for block leave. ok other things to do is for block leave.

1. Go to Ikea Tampines and buy lotsa nonsense things
2. Go for a run. keep fit darlings keep fit!
3. go on a shopping spree. maybe
4. get a haircut. must must
5. go to a museum. again who would wanna go?

is that to much to ask? most probably yes. (i feel a wave of nonsensical ranting about myself spiralling into a depressing emotional blackhole coming!) like who would go out with me for all these things. i can count them with one hand. here's the deal with me. correct me if i'm wrong.

• i'm malay with chinese blood. so i look chinese.
• i'm not your typical malay so bugger off
• i eat with chopsticks
• i listen to bollywood/arab music
• i'm learning the sitar
• i have wavy hair and fair skin
• not fat and also not thin
• not drop dead gorgeous but also not fuck ugly (some ppl might beg to differ on this point)
• i don't play soccer or any sports for that matter
• i like frogs and the colour green
• my interest concern plants and nature instead of cars and bikes
• i read alot. who read nowadays anyways?

my point is i'm just different from alot of people. and i guess you know it already you ppl reading this. ok lah. just wen this blog was getting happie!

your filthy but i'm gorgeous!

Kermalak By Elissa

i've tried posting this clip from Youtube several times but it doesn't come out.. oh well.. had to do it the old fashioned way... with success i might add.

anyway this song is really has lotsa meaning for me.. revealing to much aren't we now? i've searched and searched for the translation for this song and this is all i can find...

"Because of you I started hiding the love I have in my heart"

"Pretending that I’m indifferent, not caring, not concerned"

"Acting like a friend to you constantly asking how you are doing"

"Feeling secure that you are near and not troubling you with my love"

"Your love had me running after you and made me lose myself"

Kermalak means Because of You. so i guess that the above lyrics are the chorus. Once again read into this as much as you want. i'm not telling.

Mary Cherry!!!

All hail the goddess that is Mary Cherry.... These clips are from a now deufnct Tv show called POPULAR... i'm sure some of you remember it. any hoo i love mary cherry!!!!!!!

MARY CHERRY ROCKS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iah0u9LfyY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpUFyAk0IOo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hEdaZ2M8Cw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sr4GN2zlQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jrNxEq-E3E

I *heart* Scissor Sisters

I'm beginning to like Scissor Sisters. go listen. this is a totally pointless post.

Reflections

was reading back my post from 2004 and it struck how much this blog has changed. back in the day it was blog to blog about everyday things. funny things i saw on the way to skool. my apparent obsession with Singapore Idol (that so over now).. i mean normal things nothing like wat i write now. non personal, very non personal.

now wat i blog about is stuff that concerns me. my self worth and where i stand on this little blue planet. personal stuff. it seems my blog has become a blog of self exploration. delving into the dark corners of my persona and try to be balanced (well let me add that light cannot exist without dark and day needs its night).

i think i found the reason why i've been questioning myself alot these days. and its not pretty or least it seems silly. i shall not write it here i need time to think this through. this may be the answer to everything!

Jealousy

Jealousy.... its wat strives us onwards, makes us do better and better ourselves. isn't it true? we push ourselves further just so we can be better than the other person. and that coz we are are jealous of wat he/she posseses so we must prove ourselves better and get better stuff than he/she. lets not lie to ourselves darlings, we don't do things to better ourselves, we do things coz we are jealous of others and we want ppl to be jealous of us. think about it.

the reason for this lil entry is bcoz it seems my jealously of somebody has sort of converted itself to hate. i really don't want to hate this person but well my jealousy has gotten the better of me. well my fav colour is green, so naturally i would sooner or later let envy to take over me (kidding lah). who am i talking about i shall not speak of the name. but noe this i don't mean to act cold to you or anything like that. i'm just jealous. sorry.

i'm jealous of many things. but before i go on as you all have known by now i have issues. lots. i may seem dysfunctional or watnot but we all have issues. its just that we don't really wanna talk about it or we pretend all is well. come on, nobody is really really content with themselves. if we were we would all attain enlightenment and become buddhas. so ppl stop pretending. face the truth, only then can we be truly content.

so i got a little sidetracked.

ok the thing i'm most jealous about is how easily ppl fall in love. how wonderful it is to feel the pains of love. the ache of longing and call of desire. wouldn't it wonderful to have your heart broken? silly it may seem. but for once i wish to feel alive. to feel wat its like to love and be loved. to really live. and have your heart crushed into a million pieces. i want to feel human. to feel the pain and heart ache. not this unfulfilled emptiness.

ah so i've side tracked again. i tend to go into these depression modes wen i'm off "work". camp keeps me distracted for some reason. coz maybe there is woke to be done or the lack of it. i dunno it distracts me from my issues. wonderful stuff this "work" is. den again it has it downsides. with a new promotion. well, comes more expectations and responsibility.

oh well... every cloud has its silver lining they say...

Retail Therapy

ok went out today and got some retail therapy. it good to spend money wen you are stressed. especially wen you are with your best who makes you buy nonsense things. things you don't need. but i'm grateful.

bought a green t shirt with a tree with it. well wat other colour can it be? and with a tree on it makes it extra special.

bought a Neil Gaiman Book. it has a green leaf on the cover. partly why i was attracted to it in the first place. i am such a book slut right? ppl say i buy nonsense books but thats wat spend moeny on. instead of you know phones or clothes. thats just me.

bought beads or rather those charms on charm bracelets... i don't even have a charm bracelet but who cares! they were in the shape of FROGS!!!! and also the symbol of medicine you know the snakes intertwined around the sword thing. i love it.

but have to go back to "work" i shall call it. you work hard and do your stuff. but you never get recognition or a payrise or a promotion. all you get is more work or get fucked (not really get fucked but you get wat i mean). going back tomolo. aaarrrggghhh!!!!!

oh well life's like taht.

Please Please Please

Please do not bug me in the early morning. i hate ppl buggin me in the early morning. also i like to be quiet in the morning. i don't like to talk much in the morning until warm up. after getting sunshine on my skin. then you can bug me. that would be around 9.30? maybe. before that please do not bug me, i haven't wake up yet. I NEED MY MORNING QUIET.

besides that i realised wat people perceive me to be and wat i believe i potray to the world is totally different. people see me as well... i don't really want to say wat people really see me as but its not very nice. its crap wat people think of me. you have to set yourself on a higher pedestal and even that people ridicule you and not accept that this who you are. i don't want to be a bitch, i behave the way i behave so that i can bring a smile to ppl's face. brighten up their day with my antics but... lets just say thats not beggining to go very well...

it not good to be silly and perky all the time. ppl tend to blame you for things that are not even in your jobscope. i get blamed for almost everything.

• you lose your stationery. blame me i'm supposed to know where it is.
• misplaced your file? i'm supposed to know where it is even though i didn't see it in the first place
• how many cup noodles are there? not enuff? my fault again
• where's the aircon remote? my fault for not looking after it. even though its put in a place where i need eyes at the back of my head to see it.
• why not faxed? my fault again
• why not filed? oopps me again
• why ppl falling sick? my fault supposed to ensure that bunks are clean
• not enough copies. well it my job again. you see
• why is the room in a mess? ya i'm the cleaner wat. no need to clean up after yourself coz there's me
• bunk dusty and stuffy? no problem i'll sweep it and mop it coz everybody complains bout it but nobody gives a FUCK SHIT to do anything about it
• why not signed or issued? its my fault. i'm supposed to go chase them down and beg them to sign the book.

thsi is wat you get for caring. excuse me but my job is to take care of the company not LITREALLY TAKE CARE OF THE COMPANY.

also ppl have such great expectations of me. like i'm supposed to be this super medic that can handle everything and anything. i'm supposed to defend the weak and be perfect and have ippt gold and clear my soc in 5 mins flat. but i'm not that kind of person can't they see that? people makes mistakes, i'm not perfect.sometimes i wish i could break my legs or have some skin condition. then maybe i could have a better life. an easier life. but i don't think so. coz life is unfair everywhere.

did any of you watch Devil Wears Prada? See how that to be good at your job your personal life suffers? i don't want to be like that. i don't want to be a bitch and nasty bossing ppl around. granted that i am already bitchy but i'm not mean. i want be nice. seems that i have to be like that to get the job done basically.

i hate myself sometimes.

ok scrap that. most of the time.

The Title Is No Title

Seriously i don't have a title for this post.. like i usually come up withe some the most interesting post titles ever (well really its true, go read the previous post to see) but alas today i have no idea of wat the title shall be so i came up withe no title. how original (yes i know thanks)

so anyways i don't have good intro for todays post so i'm just gonna jump straight into it.

was reading Sutff magazine or somthing like that (it had a laydee clad in a bikini/thong thing on the cover, i dunno its a gadget magazine for crying out loud!) ok so i was amazed at the amount of gadget there were just for.. umm... lets say mp3! like the way they reviewed each gadget was so tempting i wanted to buy them all!!! but hey i'll just stick to my Creative.... ok i dunno wat model it is but its orange(so not my colour of choice) and i love it (it not the orange but the player itself). it serves its purpose of giving me music to hear and giving people the impression that i'm listening to music when in actual fact i'm listening to their conversation. ok i do that sometimes just for fun. i'm happy with it.

i don't get peoples obsession with new and improved technology wen the present one that they have suits them just fine. like a phone is for calling and/or messaging. and maybe sending mms. why do you need it to be able to surf the net or have msn? its kinda silly. call me old fashion. i take to technology as how a cat takes to water. not that i never, it just takes me along time.

also i dunn ohow ppl can be so obsessed with fashion and following trends in Milan or Paris but hello! we have aonly rain and heat. no winter fall or spring summer. okay i do enjoy a good fashion show and enjoy looking at pretty dresses but i don't get spending tons or money on clothes you only wear a few times and them not wear them coz its not in fashion or it "worn " out. beats me. for me comfort and price makes up a big part of wat i buy to wear. also it must be in shades or green, brown or dark blue. and it must make me look thin and slender. very important. i do have a fashion sense okay just that i'm short and curvy tahts all bitch. wearing a polo tee and board shorts and flip flops (which were all wonderfully colour coordinated in green and brown with a splash of khaki) so much put together compared to wearing a red checkered long sleeve shirt and a green tee inside and jeans and slippers looking like its christmas. sorry i was a bit pissed off. i had to get it off my oh so flat chest.

so anyhoo moving on.

just got bac kfrom a secret duty on a secret island. so i'm really fucking tired ( ok i'm gonna start liberally sprinkling vulgarities in my post from now on coz i fucking think this place needs some yeah. but not alot just a bit). so anyways fucking tired but not really wanting to sleep. coz i have so many things to do like watch tv, explore the net, update my blog, watch youtube, check on my plants, strum my sitar, EAT! and so on and so on. i can't be sleeeping now!!!!!!!

actually i'm really really tired so maybe i'mm just go lie down for awhile.

Umm Kalthoum

This is a classic from Umm Kalthoum... i love her.. too bad she no longer here with us..

The Fundamental Rule of Nature

the most fundamental rule of nature is:

CHANGE OR DIE

well that is to say that you have to change to adapt to your surroundings or well.. die. isn't it such a nice rule? i shall try to live by this rule. it applies very well to both jungles. the real jungle and the concrete one. you have to change or fail in your life.

Tired

do you know how tiring it is to do duties for 4 twelve hour duties? straight? it is very tiring especially when you don't have much rest in between and the sleeping quarter are dusty and not very well ventilated. thus i am very tired now but still went wif my fren to go walk walk right after i cam back from duty... isn't that silly? but i have accomplished two things.

first i went to eat at Carl Juniors ( or was it Carl's Junior? oh wateva) but anyways it was nice burgers but ok i don't get wat ppl say about the huge proportions coz to me it was just nice (thats coz i ate quite abit before that, if i didn't i would be just fine not too full and not hungry). its not that big of a burger. i was cheated. but nice burgers though.

Went to DAISO ( everthing there is $2!!!!!) at Plaza Singapura. even though it not as big as the one at IMM it is still bargain heaven. ok not really bargain heaven but wen everything irregardless wether its big or small, shiny or dull, spoon or tissue everything is $2!!! and most things are from Japan. TWO DOLLARS people!!!! TWO FREAKING DOLLARS!!!! needless to say i was a very happy man. oh i also found a pair of NINJA socks.. you know the one where it spilts into 2.. one for the big toe and the other for the rest of the toes. i've always wanted those. and also a black and green striped socks! so happy so happy. alsoa green mat and a small shovel ( i am a horticulturist..) 2 pars of green chopsticks and a green pouch!!!

but i was so tired i didn't even bathe wen i came back and crashed on the sofa... which den i proceed into my room, which by the way i do not remember doing and awoke today! still tired...

Assala & Baha - Ya Magnoon Live at Star Academy

ok i have to say the Assala lady has a power voice, she's the straight hair one... power sia...

DREAMY EYES by Christina Aguilera

I'm reaching out to touch you
In the middle of the night
And I don't know if I've been sleeping
But I hold my pillow tight

Are you real or are you my
Imagination playing games?
I can set you free, you'll always be
My one eternal flame

Your dreamy eyes,
They just won't say goodbye
Well, it must be my fate
'Cause I just can't escape
And the passion never dies...

Oh, dreamy eyes
o matter how I cry
I just can't reach you
Dreamy eyes

You're a vision of tomorrow
And a ghost from yesterday
And I've been trying not to let you
Take my breath away

You're a summer breeze that comes and goes
But somehow lingers on
Tell me how can I forget you
If you've never really gone?

Your dreamy eyes
They just won't say goodbye
Well, it must be my fate
'Cause I just can't escape
And the passion never dies...

Oh, dreamy eyes
No matter how I cry
I just can't reach you
Dreamy eyes

What do I have to do
To get that close to you and your...

Your dreamy eyes
They just won't say goodbye
Well, it must be my fate
'cause I just can't escape
And the passion never dies...

Oh, I tried so hard to release you
But no matter how I cry
I just keep seeing through
Dreamy eyes

This is so my theme song for this part of my life.... read into in all you want.... i'm not saying anything... scroll down for the song its a few post down...

Today

Today is an off day thats why i can sit here and type at a leisurely pleasure. i hope. but anyways was supposed to be on off tomolo also but it was utterly wasted. thus wat else is new (u guys know wat i mean).. anyways here i am typing listening to music. wasting my life away (that is also my frens is not new) sigh...

anyways, i found a magical word, this word will shut most people yakkking... the magic word is OKAY. really try it... if someone is talking incessantly about something taht you don't want to hear or ur just tired of listening to it. just say okay and nod ur head. usually they stop talking. give taht "yeah i agree with you face". works for me. thats said now people will thinki nvr listen to them wen i say okay. yes i do but i disagree with you or think wat ur saying is silly. but i don't want to get in a quarrel with so i say okay to shut u up. i sound so mean. but then i am a bitch. so there. haha. Magic Word :Okay or Ok whichever you prefer.

This magic word came about from the conclusions that People are selfish creatures and there is nobody to help you but urself. let me explain.

People are selfish creatures
tihs a general observation of the human population. but i think this is true of all of us. we have our agenda and things to do. its all about us. we work is for us to spend money on us. or if you spend money on ur gf/bf its is to get them to show you their affection. we have sex for our own pleasure, to release our own sexual needs. we eat so we can live. we do things for other so that they may one day return the favour to help us. we dress up to get a nice mate so taht we are happy. i can go on and on about this and also i maybe wrong about this too.. its a gray area. i know not all of you are this way and also not all of you want to admit it but hey think about it. its stangely true that most things we do in life are for our own selfish needs. or i might be talking crap.

No one to help you expect yourself
except maybe NAtasha Bedingfield. her songs move me. at least she's kind enuff to lend her songs. and christina. ppl find help in the weirdest places.

you know ppl go one with life pretending. life is all about pretending. we pretend to be happy. we pretend to like our work. we pretend to like ourselves. we pretend when we know we would be happier with other things. we pretend because the truth hurts alot and takes too much time to set right. thus we go one with our lives pretending taht everything is alright. pretend pretend pretend.

with taht in mind i shall go on with my life pretending is happie yappie. really its much better taht way. don't have to stres yourself about things just pretend that all will be well and have blind optimism.

it seems i have just related the Buddhist teaching to my life. of the ego, the I, and how it rules our life. where everything is I I I, me, me,me. how we do not live in the real world but the world of illusion, of Maya. sad really taht nobody sees the truth. coz we are all busy pretending.

People Who Should Be Shot

In my spirit my making list i have here a little list o f people who deserve to be shot. Not literally lah but it kinda irritates me.

• Couples who wear matching clothes. like please u like each other alot now but wait till you get married. den you see u wann wear matching t shirts or not. i'm just saying and also it looks weird lah.
• The person who said leggings were in. it looks weird and fugly especially those leggings with lace trims...
• The person started the trend of wearing jeans with dresses. if you didn't shave ur legs den just wear jeans not the damn dress. that trend should just stay in japan.
• People (okay laydees) who wear make up to chalet or bbq. why wear so much make up to a place where its gonna be hot and sweaty and hot and sweaty? it will just melt.

okay thats all.... that was wat peeved me the past 2 days. it amazing wat things irritate you wen you go out. that is to VIVO City!!!!!

which is soo overated ( see how i managed to jump from topic to topic with such ease.. haha).. ok back here back here... like yesterday went to Vivo city. there were a gadzillion ppl there! granted its a new mall and the biggest but i don't wat the hype is all about. its just big and confusing (due to the fact that there was alot off ppl and there weren't enuff sign which by the ways were a ll classified into wat type of things they were like shoes this way or books thataway.. silly really) anyways shopping or rather window shopping has given a list of things to buy (see how i love making lists?)

• cardigan: from topman. i just need one. but alas they don't really hav one in my size. which is by the is SMALL read that SMALL. fuck you u think i'm fat right? they ran out of small coz all the skinny chi guys bought it already (sorry i have issues not the chi part but the skinny part)
• this green (squeals!) long sleeve/sweater thing also frm top man. just coz it s green and long sleeve
• random polo Ts
• Shoes!
• Underwear
• A bag

Umm thats all i guess for now.. alot rite? crazy i'll so over spend... wait i take that back... i'll so not buy all those things.... ok tahts all darlings for this week toodles...

Christina Aguilera - Dreamy Eyes ( Nancy Ajram)

oh my god! i love this song... i so identify with song.. i love it.. did i say love this song.. so meaningful..

Random Thoughts

I was quite irritated by wat i watched the other day on MTV Pop10.. Apparently on it Tata Young was interviewed saying that her video Zoom was about how ppl see her as a sex kitten/symbol/bombshell (wateva) instead of a laydee with a mind. this is wat i have to say....

if you don't want ppl to see you as a sex symbol stop behaving in that way in your videos... like please, wearing lingerie and crawling around a hotel room is well pretty self explanatory isn't it? if you don't like it stop behaving that way... moving on...

Also being in relationship does equal being in love.. (ok here i go again.. but i can't help it)... so far i've never heard ppl say they are in love... instead they always say they're in a relationship or they're with someone... i've noticed something in the LRT the other day.. it was this young couple.. the girl was yakkin yakking constantly and the guy was just standing listening and looking soo bored... at the same time his hand in the girls bum. and the girls hands constantly wandering his shoulders and ass (ok i was bored okay? and the LRt was small place. i could help but notice) ok that lead me to conclude: first, girls just some one to take care of them and listen to them talk besides their own girlfrens. not that you gurls talk alot just that particular gurl was really talking alot. secondly, guys just want someone to take care of and well, maybe the possibility of sex or a make out session. face it guys sex is always on ur mind. ok i'm not trying to be sexist or anything just an observation and wat do i know about relationships eh? so you can just take wat i have written as crap. thank you very much.

ok sent my sitar for re stringing... yay! i'll get it back on monday... yay yay! i'm on off that day bloody hell if they call me back.... ppl ask me to restring it myself but i've always had this fear of the string snapping and cuttting me really badly.. haha.. which almost actually happened. which lead me to restring it in the first place...was happily strumming strumming and it just snapped... granted i have not changed the strings since i got her i was not suprised...

ok gotta go... maybe i'll blog tonight....

For A Short While

ok just here for a short while... i dunno why i'm even blogging.. i have nothing to blog... haha crazy...

Shahd - Oum kalthoum (1000 leila)

i love this version of the song. compare it to this by nancy ajram. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCoXIZB4JrM
i prefer this one

A Really Long Post.. i hope...

ok today i shall attempt to blog a really really long post.. for a few reasons.. first i have nothing to do.. second, i'll not be around for the next 2 weeks and also.. okay only 2 reason.... blah!

actually i wanted to talk of many things, of cabbages and kings but then i tot who would actually talk about cabbages and kings? really who would.... speaking of cabbages lets do a little ditty about comfort food (heh i know no relation watsoever to cabbages but hey...)

comfort food... ah yes... i love comfort food.. the food you eat to make you comfy and safe.. to give a sense of satisfaction and feel really guilty about it afterwards...everyone has their own fav food to eat wen htey are feeling abit down and about.. so heres my list of my fav comfort foods.. so that you can make them at home (there is a satisfaction that comes with making it yourself. i could be quoting Nigella there) and thank me for making you fat and ugly...

• Banana & Mayo: trsut me on this one. it may seem weird but the sourness of the mayo and the sweetness of the banana is well very nice in ur mouth (hmm... abit sexual dontcha think?)... also the textures aree divine... you could be real lazy and just dip the banana into the jar of mayo or you could, if your feelin all rah rah restaurant, slice the banana and scoop lil' blobs of mayo on them. but don't overdo the mayo.
• Banana Toast: take a slice of bread. smother a shit load of butter. put aside. take a banana and mash it up. add cinnamon sugar (can get at cold storage its very nice). spread ur mashed up banans on the bread. toast in a toaster oven. makes sure its a little bit burnt but not really burnt. get me? makes two.
• Tuna in OIL: i love this one.. just get tuna in oil and whack it on a slice of bread. the dripping oils is soo nice... it gets on ur finger and so you have to lick ur fingers.. mmm good... and tuna is good for you remember that. and remember get your tuna from a renewable source and is dolphin safe!
• Hot Chocolate: Explains itself doen't it? use milk for better results.
• ICe Cream: Agai nself explainatory but do psend money on quality ice cream. but too much money... it all becomes shit in the end...
• Mash: ok i do this every sunday monring if i have the time. get an egg boil it. get 2 sausages boil those too. get some fries, oven roast them. (yes yes i know it seems like a sad sttempt to make everything seem healthy, i could fry everything but then i hav a huge guilt trip.) okay to prepare mash the egg up in a bowl. slice the sausagse up into bits and add the fries(salted to taste of course). add a dollop of mayo and sage and lotsa pepper. also don't forget the ketchup. chilli don't do too well with this. mix em all together and you get the most satisfying mouthfuls of fatty potatoey goodness ever.

ahh makes me hungry. but i shall not.. thats all i have been doing lately, eating that is and also cooking to a certain extent. i don't go out anymore and i just practically stay at home. all day. sad really. the thing with me is, i know wat my problem and i know wat i need to do but i am powerless to do anything about it. i can't or would not. Cassandra syndrome. sad really. i didn't even wanna go out to Botainc G today for the plant sale. waste of my time compared to sitting here at home... wasting my time. urgh irony or maybe contradiction. i dunno.

ok so sitting athome here and looking thru frenster and all i find it amusing wen ppl put on their profiles that they hate hypocrites. funny really, if you really think about it all of us are hypocrites and the world ruled by hypocrisy. it would not rotate on its axis otherwise. Face the facts darling your a hypocrite and i'm one too. now lets all dance naked around the fire in the moonlight. woop pee doo bee doo!

Sigh. i'm feeling kind a blah. as usual. ok this time even more so. you know how termite eat at a piece of wood bit by bit until the wood rots and falls apart?i'm the wood and life is the bloody termites. it has not been kind. ok in terms of my personal (non existent social life).. like i've said before, i know wats wrong but i can't do anything about it or rather stubbornly won't. thats sucks. i would like to remain the same me thank you very much. i'll most probably end up like Ally Mcbeal just that i don't see dancing babies and i would be wearing rubber gardening boots instead of stilettos or like Miranda Priestly or Devil Wears Prada good at wat she does but has no human relationship.

ok fine. we humans are very much visual ppl, i'm the same but i have a rather interesting observation to add. so you like this gurl, she is all ur LOOKING for. so you talk to her and clearly your smitten by her. you like wat she likes. ok here's wat i'm getting at. everybody is a nice person really everyone is. have you met a really rotten person? maybe he or she is rotten to you but to other ppl they might be wuite endearing. so the only reason why you like someone is because you are attacted to them? am i right? so looks is everything right? i sound so anti love right now.. silly.... actually i dunno wat i'm writing, i need to think about it more before i publish my theory. and to answer the question of why i will never ever fall in love. no really but i think i would never never fall in love. i'll buy you an ice cream if i do. ( no promises hahaha)

ok all off to join a convent or a monastery... be back in 2 weeks time hopefully haha.. if i don't die in the jungle....

I realised Something...

that i have been blogging for 3 freaking years already... gosh... amazing isn't it? maybe i can continue for another 3 years? i should be nominated for some oldest blog award or something... wat a bitch isn't to be blogging for 3 years... hahaha...

and wen you read back on wat you have w ritten for the past 3 years you realised how little things in my life has changed... bitches.. haiz.. thats life i guess...

I feel so alone...

How would you feel if you got home and ppl said that they forgot that you were soming home today and didn't get for you any dinner? forgot that you were coming home... forgot...

How would you feel, if you ppl didn't tell you your own grand aunt landed in hospital..?

well thats that wat happened wen i got home... and yeah and someone installed this new internet explorer 7 which is supposed to make surf the net more fun and secure but its making mine a pain in the ass... bitch...

sometiems i feel i'm becoming invisible.. cliche i know but that how i feel sometimes.. only seen wen needed... speak wen spoken to...

i just feel really down now... hopefully i'll be better tomolo.. but who the heck care right?

sometimes i wonder why i evne bother to blog.. it seem ridiculous doesn't it? to blog about how you feel and wat you did wen nobody realy gives a fuck? ok before i get myself into abit of trouble i better stop right here and not let my emotions get the better of me....

Alanis Morisette - Uninvited (Live)

One of my most favourite song by Alanis... Happie Halloween...

Shirley Bassey - LOVE STORY

i love this song.. had been waiting ages to find it.. finally....

Ponderings...

i have no topic to write about at this present moment... no gripes about work.. no whining about my emotional life... no complaining about my looks... no bitching about the jock and the rest of the beautiful people... okay come to think of it.. that will come along later but at he present moment thats not the case we'll see ok?

so just now was channel surfing on cable (i seem to be doing this alot these few months.. sigh...) and happened to be watching the show One Tree Hill.. so here's the deal, there was this scene wen this blonde gurl was in bed (i duno who, i don't follow this show much) and i think she was aboutto have the night of her life with the hot dude man person.. instead of paying attention to the show i was FREAKING MORE INTERESTED WITH HER BEDSHEETS!!! which were in a wonderful shade of green with lovely paisley prints in pinks and purples... very very pretty... but any ways how shocked was i wen i realised that i was looking at the bedsheets! hah! oh by the way they didn't do it coz the gurl or guy had a baby and the baby cried so he attended to the baby... if you wanna know...

"Being sexy is not about how you look, its about how you carry yourself..." blah blah... i'm sure you have heard of this before...but have you noticed that all those people that say the abovementioned sentences are all goodlooking people? like Justin Timberlake and all that.. well its easy for them to say innit? they llok fab so they don't have to worry bout how they llok and can concentrate on other things... but enuff berating on the unfairness of life...

Below is a an excerpt of George Harrison (you know from the Beatles) song, Inner Light, which was taken from the Tao De Ching (you know, ancient chinese book of wisdom), think about it.. its kinda interesting if you think about it.... but i know most of you won't lah.. but do try...

Without going out of your door

You can know all things on earth

Without looking out of your window

You could know the ways of heaven

The farther one travels

The less one knows

Arrive without traveling

See all without looking

Do all without doing

Well have a nice week end all.. or wats left of it anyways...

Anoushka Shankar - Concert for George (2003)

If i could play one tenth as good as her than i would be a happy man...

Its Funny...

Its funny really that all of you read my blog and then when you meeet me outside in the real world we all pertend to be laa dee daa whoop pee doo alright... its weird lah.. i do mind that wat i write here is not discussed out in the real world unless absolutely necessary.... if you have too pls test the waters before you jump right in.. there might be crocs.. anyways...

wat i write here is a form of release, an escape, a place to vent my frustrations and an outlet for all those whirring ideas that i have in my head.. if i don't express myself here i would burst into a million globs of fats (thats wat basically constitutes Kookyplum)... this blog is not my whole life, its just a facet of my very non interesting existence.... thats why wen you see me outside i'm all smiles unicorns rule the world kinda person... in general i'm alright but its just a part of me that is how to say... missing or incomplete... like an apple with a worm... like a can of fruit cocktail with a dent.. like a shirt with a button missing.. like.. ok you get the picture right? good, if not then well ur slow... we all are imperfect, its just that some are more aware of their imperfections than others... then again nobody cares.. hah ah who am i kidding...

that said pls do not share your happiness with me.. it will just make me feel worse about myself... my silly pitiful sad self... heh.... i dunno i rather not know about it... ok i know about it but lets not discuss it... its a silent acknowledgement.. you know how bad it makes me feel... so i take wat i said in the previous post back... okay... (ps: no... i'm not refering to you.. if you must know)....

ok tomolo is Hari Raya (yay!)... cleaned my room, vacuum/dusted/tidied my room! (not so yay!)... going out visiting tomolo (yay yay!)... meeting all the cuzzins (yay!) den book in weds morning (totally not yay!)... help cook and arrange the kuihs (ummm yay! me thinks.. ok the cooking part but the arranging kuih thing gave my arm cramps).. Raya clothes ready, in green no less( yay!)... but less raya money if any this year (not so yay! coz i'm old.. i feel wrinkles setting in.. gasp!)...

urrghh... off to sleep to hopefully dream of nice things... i love dreaming.. that my frenz is a tale for another day... speaking of tails.. do not eat canned ox tail soup, its disgusting..

So Selamat Hari Raya to one and all.... Maaf Zahir Batin....

Plumz

christina aguilera - hurt

general mood of the moment

The Most Depressive Blog Ever

Each day i feel i am turning into Daria or some other angst ridden teenage character.. my heart is turning to stone or ice... slowly.... slowly the hope is leaving... jealous? maybe.... but i still hang on to the stupid thought that my time will come... but for now i try to pour myslef into my work... thanks god my work involves having a heart, if not i would be long gone...

as Raya comes it seems that its the season for love.... people are getting wat they want, getting their happiness...

its sad really, wen they are hurt emotionally or physically, they come to me for solace and comfort... to find the solution to their problems, for a ear to listen to their problems... but wen they are happy nobody shares their happiness with me... well i've said it many times over i know... well let me share this story wif you..

in Greek Mythology there was a princess, she was named Cassandra, she was so beautiful that the god Apollo granted to her the power of prophecy.... Apollo loved her but she did not return his love.. thus he cursed her. Her curse was taht her prophecies would all come true and see the light of day BUT no one would ever listen to her, no one would ever believe her... thus her gift has now become her constant source of pain.. as she would predict tragedies in her life that she could not prevent or change as nobody would believe her...

Nobody listens..... Nobody really sees...

Confessions

i have a confession to make...

for the past 3 months or so i haven't been going out... out to town to walk walk and talk cock.. enjoy myself wif frenz (hmm..)....

i've been recluse, a hermit.... i have this strong urge to get a bunch of cats and be a spinster... i dunno i just don't have the mood to go out and ppl nvr ask me out (unless they have a personal crisis or they just broke up, just so happens to be a recurring theme in my life)... most of the time i end up going to Cold Storage and spend crazy amounts of money on groceries... note to self: stop buying groceries.. moving on... or books buying books!

wat exactly have i turned into? i have become such an anti social bitch.. am i really? a bitch that is... really i think i am...thats not the way to rise up the social rank is it? or maybe i'm not outgoing enuff.. lotsa ppl have asked me to go clubbing but nah i said... clubbing is so noisy and crowded.. why would i want to go there and get drunk in public? wen i could do it the comfort of my own home (not that i drink but if i should drink that is wat i would do).. instead of making a fool of myself in public... Clubbing just not my cup of tea.. by tea i mean Ginger tea please, it releases internal gas which is not for you. farting and all that....

bah actually i wanted to write summore but then the stuff that i was about to write about would paint me as a desperate attention seeking whore... okay a more desperate attention seeking whore than i already am.. and also it would offend quite number of ppl.. so there...

go sleep already...

Changes

All Things Change, sister. Its sad but Heaven, Hell and the World move on. Its fate.

The Lady of the Lake to her sister Queen Mab

(i posted the video in august go see!)

My course has finished. i miss it greatly. i miss all the people there i miss you guys if you read this! i think the very fact that we didn't have any entertainment like tv or things like that meant that we spent alot of time talking to each other. which was good. i miss it so bad. the colourful people and all that studying. darn.

CAmp.... back to camp this week, to find tha many things have changed. fot the better or for the worse i do not know. i do not wish it to change. i wish it could have the way it was before i left. things were much happier then and much simpler. the responsibilities that i have still remain but the expectations that people have of me has been greatly increased.

i feel way more lonely now than i ever was. maybe it's because i was away for 2 months and need to reconnect back or maybe i have now officially stepped out of the ranks of men nad have crossed over to the commanders? my heart is still with the men but the 3 stripes will force me to change to something i do not. because of my work and my duties i have to change into something that i would not want to. i dunno and kinda confused and lost at the moment. i need to give myself to absorb all this fully.

anyways this week people have said the strangest things to me. so i'm gonna share it with you guys. for the sake of.... oh just for the sake of it.... and it shall be in list form for i love making lists (colour me virgo)

• Somebody told me that i changed since i came back from course. he said i was more quiet, less the noisy person that i used to be. my reply to him was. well... i didn't coz i was being quiet you see. but in my mind i was thinking: "its not me who is quiet, it is you who is making much more noise." and also i was quite stressed at that time.
• another one told me i was handsome and i had the face that girls would like. in the middle of a conversation about ghosts. it was a guy. i said thank you and moved on to other topics.
• this conversation happened a few week ago but its worth mentioning. someone (it seems that someone seems to be the operative word to use to protect someones oops! indentity but hat besides the point. back topic please) told me taht truly intelligent people do not fall in love. coz they would see the illogical things that being in love makes you do and not fall for it. and yes love makes you do silly things, i'm sure any of you can vouch for that. the doing silly things part. but it struck a cord with me. that his reasoning that really clever people do not fall in love. interesting innit?

on the emotional non existent love life front (which i do not know why i keep blogging about), okay lets just say this, the less you know the btter you feel. ignorance is bliss i guess. thats all for now folks. it gonna be raya soon and happie deepavali to all hindus out there...!

Sorry if this post seem squished. i dunno, blogger's acting weird.

Sabah & Rola~yana yana

SAbah is an 90+ year old entertainer extraordinaire from lebanon. she's the blond one. 90 odd years still singing! god bless plastic surgery! check her out on wikipedia...

People

i'm not 3rd sergeant ppl.. not yet.. anyways... don't come up to me calling that... other than that nothing much to talk about... another week has passed... Paramedic lvl course is coming to a close... and back to camp it is for me..... rrggh... another 7 more months for me....

Random Thoughts

• I didn't have a 21st birthdae celebration. how pathetic.
• My plants are all dying on me.
• I have no social life to speak of.
• You spend so much time to improve your body. To get that six pack/bulging biceps/nice pecs. To get that dream girl of yours but for wat? When you get married it will go to waste. Think about it men usually lose their looks wen they get married.
• I have a fat fuzzy tummy.
• I need to re-string my sitar.
• I don't have time/lazy to practice on my sitar.
• I need new shoes.
• The haze makes my neighbourhood look like a scene from Jack the Ripper. All foggy and mysterious at night.
• The haze is a pain in the ass.
• I should get drunk or be on an acid trip.
• My life is an acid trip.
• I don't have such an interesting life.
• I lie alot.
• That was a lie.

Its just one of those days....

It gets very lonely being me.

Um Kulthoum - Enta 3omree

A Legend in the arab world.. apparently she can sing for hours and hours just for one song.. amazing!

Ashtiko mino-nancy ajram

i guess the arab world isn't as conservative as we would like to think it is...

Nothing muCh to Say

okay, heard thru the grapevine that All Saints are making a return to the music... whoop dee doo.... All SAints were the girl group of the nineties.. i like their style... tank tops and baggy pants and all... can't wait or rather can wait (coz i really can't be bothered with all these CD launches) for their new album..

the world is such a superficial place.... and i'm fat... nuff said need to excercise...

anyways i', having a case of Lake House Syndrome again... like i wanna go see the Cartier Exhibition at the National Museum... Pretty pretty diamonds and jewels.. its not a sappy love story people... my usual museum buddy has exams... sigh...but alas coz i have leprosy or SARS or some infectious flesh eating, ball rotting, pimple inducing disease only found in the remote mountains of South America or some really bad restaurants.. people do i smell? really wat is it with me that people don't want ot go out with me... rarely people go out wit me or ask me out.. i noe i'm silly and weird and loud but do i really embaress you in public? really do i? if i do then by all means tell me... i'm sorry i was ranting... dismiss that, oh wait i'm sure you already did...

i am so unstable...

It kinda sucks

ok firstof all it kinda sucks that i can't spend as much as i want to.. coz i have to save for my future and all... it sucks.. i wanna buy so many things!!!!! it sucks... and add to taht i slept wif my specs on and guess wat happened? it snapped thus i had to spend 100 plus dollars on a new pair of specs... gone just like that eh....

oh also ends my attachment at the hospital and fire station... i'll miss all the old ladies who poop in their pants and all the drunks.... i'll miss the nurses and PCA the most.. and the abangs (lepak bang) and paramedics and medics too.. it was an eyeopener and interesting time spent there... i'll miss it... thus we end up back to army life which sucks...

have to book in today which sucks too...

aiyah...

la wn 3younak

don't ask me about the strange title.. it supposed to mean.... wen i first saw your eyes or sumthing like that.. its nice.. i'm into arab songs now.. ;P

Arab Music Video - 4 Cats - Ya Antar

i don't noe nuts about wat they are singing about but i luuurrvve!!! this song....

OF Bjork And Bones

I've been listening to alot of Bjork recently, she's weird, eccentric and i would like to say visionary here are some of my fav videos.. and for the safety of the general public they have been linked.. instead of posted straight here.. some of it are quite disturbing to some....

Pagan Poetry: Tis one is musical porn literally... watch it at ur own risk ;)
Hunter: she turns into a bear... a metallic bear...
Bachelorette: one day i found a big book... cutesy cutesy voice....
Oceania: my fav line is: your sweat is salty, i am why (instead of i am brine which would be cool too)....
Where Is The Line?: she gives birth to a slime creature and gets attacked by hay....

anyways.. went for hospital attachment which was fun and very interesting... talked to some interesting nurse and nice nurses... and some fun doctors and medical students... chatted with some patients and security... oh in the spirit of list making, i shall now make a list! of the cases i saw...

• An open fracture (bone was sticking out) of the tibula... i think it was communited also..
• a shoulder dislocation... and how it was put back.. Pop!
• Some penis inflammation.. bad penis infection.. bad...
• Had to wipe someones pee and put that person on diapers
• Some drunk dude who broke his leg
• Re-aligning of broken bones.. traction they call it, on an old lady..
• an old person with very loud wheezing.. i mean really loud..
• alot alot chest pain people...

of course this is medical in confidence, i can only give you the cases not the names or divulge further... of well got to go.. tonight there is Ambulance Attachment!!!! which ppl say is more fun but i dunno we'll see....

I Ask Why?

people always ask me why i don't have gurlfren.. heck some even ask me why i don't have a boyfren... my answer to them is always the same ole stuff....

• I Dunno
• Who would like me?
• I rather have someone chase after me than me doing the chasing

actually i go by the saying " before you love someone, you have to love yourself"... it took a long time and it is still going on but... i'm getting there... finding myself and realising things that i never realised before ( like how bitchy i am).. if it happens it shall...

that is why i don't quite understand why people keep coming to me for comfort when they relationship troubles or when they break up.. i have nvr loved or had another loving touch.. wat do i know about loving or being loved eh?

i am complaining BUT i don't mind actually... i said it before, i seem to be destined, it is my fate, to comfort those hurt by things beyond their control... its ok keep it coming... i have nobody to devote my time too so why not... i will listen and help you the best i can...

on less emotionla fronts.. but quite close to my heart...

my plants are sort of protesting to me... wtf... they are giving a wake up call! all of them seem to be in some state of infection or decay... they all look quite bad... its coz i nvr take care of them well enuff... negelcted things tend to do that, even though they are watered and tended.. i guess its the personal touch thats missing... my room did the same thing.. i'm not around to sleep in it thus there is no life in it... it becomes empty... so that day to my suprised a really beeg wasp was buzzing around in my room, dunno looking for paper to make its nest or actually looking for a place to make its nest... kool and suprised at the same time...

any ways.... time to mug for my medical paper (no i'm not a doctor but a paramedic wannabe).. but ambulance and hospital attachment is coming up! that would be fun...

also... mustafa has really cheap spices.. heeng powder and kalojire for 1 dollar!!! quite alot also whoop dee doo.... if ya dunno wat i am talking bout go read MIstress of Spices....

Bjork - French and Saunders

this is hilarious

It's Oh So Quiet by Bjork

Bjork...silly and eccentric.. u can't just not love her...

I Have Geisha Powers

this just have to be the weirdest thing ever.... okay yesterday last night after watching movie.... i was walking home.... laa dee dah... walking walking by the side of the road... and coming my way were two guys on bicycles... okay fine continue walking.. as they passed by me i looked at them.. laa dee daa... then i heard a shout and i turned back... ahah to my suprise one of them crashed and was on the road.. okay he wasn't hurt i guess he just lost control and 'buang' his bicycle... creepy.. how very geisha.. "A geisha can ctop a man with a single look" creepy....

werid you noe.. okay the guy wasn't hurt or anything he just got up and rode away but it was kinda strange to have a deja movie experience...

anyways i must recommend Devil Wears Prada for the storyline and also the fabulous clothes that they have... amazing clothes, abit gaudy but hey who to comment on runway fashion eh? but i like the storyline too... go watch it....

I'm So Pretty... Oh So Pretty....

so last ngiht went to watch the Devil Wear Prada which i didn't wanna watch but in the end found it quite enjoyable...

makes me wanna shop alot... they wear such pretty pretty clothes on the movie... and i love Miranda Priestly.. she sucha bitch... you must always look fabulous every day... and be a bitch about it....

Bitches....

okay someone recently commented that i'm bitchy.. oh gosh.. u you know that i didn't really realise it but i am a bitchy... it was kinda startling... i am such a bitch... well to add to that:

List of things that Are a Bitch:

1. Me... naturally...
2. genetics is a bitch beeg time
3. life in general is a bitch
4. NS is a bitch
5. Obnoxious ppl are bitches
6. females dogs are bitches
7. nothing to do on a weekend is a bitch
8. studying really hard is bitch
9. a runny nose is a bitch
10. tight underwear is bitch unless it makes you look hot...
11. did i mention nothing to do on a weekend?
12. having mixed feelings is a damn big bitch
13. bitches are a bitch
14. spider mites are a bitch but technically the are arachnids
15. karmic retribution is a bitch
16. love is such a bitch but we still love her
17. having a really big wasp buzzing around in ur room is quite a bitch
18. knowing you have a big paper coming up and not studying is a bitch
19. you yes you! are a bitch whoever you are
20. my headphones are being a bitch.. they're not working properly...

the list goes on and on ur welcome to add to it....

i shall continue to sit here and rot with the knowledge that somewhere out there ppl (note the use of ppl, not person) are having fun while i sit here and cultivate fungus on my crotch....

Sentient Plants

you know i read my frenz blog about animal rights and vegetarianism and how animals are made to suffer to feed us.... well then how bout plants? they are living breathing (or rather give out breath) organisms... they have "sex" in a way and produce offspring.. they feel also.. in way that they respond to environmental changes just like us... just that they can't speak doesn't mean they do not feel.. hey i'm a horticulturist for crying out loud.. i love these green fellas...

plants have evolved a way of getting energy by just standing there and absorbing rays of the sun.. and water and various chemicals.. how cost effective.. while we have to poop out stuff taht we cannot digest... also it is said that in really old trees there are spirits living inside... dryad they are called guardians of the forest, the living essence of the forest...

and the ents of LOTR... aren't they just kool? living walking guardians of the forest... ok i'm beggining to sound like Poison Ivy...

anyways wat i'm trying to say is that we take plants for granted... of course we feel for our fellow red blooded cousins but thats the cycle of life... also don't take plants for granted... they are the reason we are still here... ok? here's a song from Arrogant Worms... some food for thought...


Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppresion, served on our tables each night
The killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, cole slaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cuz a radish can'tscream

CHORUS
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (Having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot Juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables grow)
It's time to stop all this gardening (it's as dirty as hell)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)

I saw a man eating celery, so I beta him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage
Cuz I stopped the slughter of turnips by killing three men in a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, this is my finest hour
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower

CHORUS

How low as people do we dare to stoop
Making young broccoli's bleed in the soup
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes, let potted plants free
Don't mash that potatoe I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream screamscream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stir fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet slob)
How do you think that feels (leave them out in the fields)
Carrot Juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (yes your compost's a grave)
It's time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)
Power to the peas Give peas a chance
All we are saying is give peas a chance

WAt i Did On My Birthday...

hmm.. lets see... nothing... much.. thanks you all for those birthday wishes... and i got 3 presents today...

1. Well this from was from my doctor.. he says i have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.... wow wat a brithday present isn't it?
2. my dad bought be goats brain soup.. interesting... haven't eat it yet.. i'm quite excited...
3. my grandma gave me money.. can't disclose info.. not much though... but still i luv nens... my aunts chipped in too...

hmm tahts all for my crappy 21 birthdae.... woop dee doo...

Tomolo's a Special Day

Tomolo's a special day.. at least according to some people... to me its just a normal day... wat so special about turning 21? i guess i'm having a sorta quarter life crisis... i'm been feeling down and depressed lately.. it seems that the stresses of the paramedic course is a blessing... immersing myself in studies is a great way of forgeting ur troubles or insecurities.. some of you might be puzzled to as how i sound so depressive in my blog and still be silly and kooky in real life... well darlings there are 2 sides to a mirror.. i don't like to be depressive around ppl... it makes them feel uncomfortable... so there...

i dunno why i'm so down sometimes, it seem that i have come to realisation that i am freaking 21 already or going to be and i have so many things i have yet to do... so many things that i want to be but i cannot... i still can't accept some thing about me and well that bothers me sometimes....

well nuff bout my insecurirites, it get tiring sometimes doesn't it...

tomolo's my birtdae.. whoop dee doo.. (forgive me for my sad attempt to make it sound vaguely happy)... its just another day, i'm nobody special...

sad lah... i don't want presents or anything don't have belanja me dinner or anything... no need lah...

Oh Gosh....

LAte night post...

so here i am after a week of level 2 paramedic course.. it has almost killed me.. i actually expected it to be tough but hey it didn't expect it to be so mentally draining... i'm so tired...

Sick And Tired - Anastacia

i found this song... how appropriate i thought at this moment....

I have to...

i checked my sitar after a long long while and one more string has snapped.. i know my beloved sitar, i have neglected you... no more i say! i shall re string you next week... and we can make beautiful music...

Christina Aguilera - Reflection

I'm Having A Quarter Life Crisis

Reflections

Am i too talkative for my own good?
Do i really talk too much nonsensical things?
Am i really too intelligent for my own good?
Is it not good to be well read and know alot of things?
Do you feel threatened by it?
Does my continous sarcasm affect you?
Do i talk that loudly?
Does my disconnection from reality put you off?
Do i seem defensive at times?

Not that i mean to.. i am not like that really.. these are just defense against the world... my mask...for i have been hurt also...

Merlin - He's Magnificent

the world or magick is indeed dying.. nobody believes anymore

Merlin - Queen Mab & The Lady Of The Lake

Queen MAb she's kool.. Queen of MAgick...

Fleeting Moments...

i just watched Ghost Whisperer.. and realised how fleeting can be and how things can change in an instant.... it is important to tell the people that you care about that you love them or at least show them your appreciation before its to late... but for certain ppl it may not be so... our worlds would crumble catastrophically... well thats my burden i have to bear to know and not knowing... i hate that wen you wanna say ti but can't? you get wat i mean...

anyways.... i'm not good wit this mushy bits.... so u all noe wat i mean...

that all for the usual emotional dillemma segment...

Haiz....

it is soo very pretty, the view from my window that is... an expanse of green as far as the eye can see (actually until it reaches the sea) and a river (not those concrete longkangs but an actual river).. its very hobbiton... so pretty... i could spend the whole day just looking at the sky and forest... but alas all that will change...

here's a little known fact about me... towel can't stay on me.. i can't walk all but 10 step before it starts to slip off... weird...

also i was so tired yesterday that i slept naked on my bed.. i wanted to go bathe and i lay down on my bed and fell asleep... luckily my mom didn't open the door.. or did she? dum dum dum.. but i was wrapped up in my blanky i think...

i dunno why i actually blogged that... hee hee lest to give you nightmares...

i also watched Lake House (bastards).. i shall to that everytime i type Lake House (bastards).. hoo hoo.. i watched it alone... sad sad me... but it was a good movie especially the last part, the last letter that she wrote to him... but i don't get the LAke House (bastards) bit... its actually not the Lake House(bastards) itself but the mail box.. so shouldn't it be called the Mailbox.. but how unsexy is that? Lake House(BAstards) is much better title... ok i'm so sorry.. i'm still bitter bout it.. i take along time to get over stuff.. bear with it...

on other fronts.. today is book in day.. great.. and also tomolo is duty day... whoop dee doo i guess... den next week i'm on course.... joy to the world! i'm so not ready for this...

All Cried Out

this is how i'm feeling now.. drained... i give up lah...

What a Waste Of Time...

today marks the 5th day of block leave... so far the first day has been taken up by an unexpected duty that no one informed me about until the morning itself... thus it affects the second day which i spent lounging around at home up to the point where i watched half a fireworks with my frens... the third day was spent mostly standing at the National Library Sale thus i have backache and then went to grandmas house... fourth day, went all the way to orchard to eat BK (of all places) and then went home.. wat the fuck right? den today comes, which i will go back camp to clear up some work stuff... den tomolo got duty again and then weds night book in...

its seems incomplete somehow even though i did quite some things i feel its all a waste of time.. i didn't spend quality time with certain people, instead it was a mad rush but i shall not complain (much anyways)....

anyways, i got cramps after wiggling my hips to Ojos asi that song below... infectious no?

ok, i have to confess i am a lousy listener and add to that i am a lousy speaker.. ok lets face it i am a lousy communicator... i don't listen to people and i don't give good advie.. ok i give sound advice its just that people do not listen to me... i have said many times..

I MAY BE SILLY BUT MY WISDOM HOLDS TRUE.

ok i take the being a lousy communicator part back... lets save some of my pride for once.. its not me its you! you people never ever listen to me... other people will say the same thing and you will realise it but wen i say it no one listens.. i have to go "i told ya so" so many times... am i not credible? i may behave silly and act cute but i am not dumb okay... if you ask me a qn and i give you a silly ans well thats just coz you're asking the obvious or you do not need my opinion on that matter.. why comment when you made up ur mind anyways.. that or i just want to annoy you...

issit my voice? or the fact that i'm short? maybe i'm just too nice? i dunno people don't listen to me.... i hate that..