Jealousy

Jealousy.... its wat strives us onwards, makes us do better and better ourselves. isn't it true? we push ourselves further just so we can be better than the other person. and that coz we are are jealous of wat he/she posseses so we must prove ourselves better and get better stuff than he/she. lets not lie to ourselves darlings, we don't do things to better ourselves, we do things coz we are jealous of others and we want ppl to be jealous of us. think about it.

the reason for this lil entry is bcoz it seems my jealously of somebody has sort of converted itself to hate. i really don't want to hate this person but well my jealousy has gotten the better of me. well my fav colour is green, so naturally i would sooner or later let envy to take over me (kidding lah). who am i talking about i shall not speak of the name. but noe this i don't mean to act cold to you or anything like that. i'm just jealous. sorry.

i'm jealous of many things. but before i go on as you all have known by now i have issues. lots. i may seem dysfunctional or watnot but we all have issues. its just that we don't really wanna talk about it or we pretend all is well. come on, nobody is really really content with themselves. if we were we would all attain enlightenment and become buddhas. so ppl stop pretending. face the truth, only then can we be truly content.

so i got a little sidetracked.

ok the thing i'm most jealous about is how easily ppl fall in love. how wonderful it is to feel the pains of love. the ache of longing and call of desire. wouldn't it wonderful to have your heart broken? silly it may seem. but for once i wish to feel alive. to feel wat its like to love and be loved. to really live. and have your heart crushed into a million pieces. i want to feel human. to feel the pain and heart ache. not this unfulfilled emptiness.

ah so i've side tracked again. i tend to go into these depression modes wen i'm off "work". camp keeps me distracted for some reason. coz maybe there is woke to be done or the lack of it. i dunno it distracts me from my issues. wonderful stuff this "work" is. den again it has it downsides. with a new promotion. well, comes more expectations and responsibility.

oh well... every cloud has its silver lining they say...