We bid adieu to 2006 and Welcome 2007

Well here we are on the threshhold of 2007. 2006 was a bitch but i expect 2007 to be bitchier (as poignantly pointed out by my fren, Minz) ... some good and wonderful memories and some bad ones. but alas they remain memories and are buried in the past. well if 2007 is gonna bitchier i have to keep up.

time for a change.

i wouldn't call them resolutions and i hate to call them that. to me these are decisions (well as oprah calls them)

• ok, next year i have to look fabulous. well. better skin and better body. better clothes. this may take alot of effort but hey image is everything.
• to be bitchier. well this takes no effort watsoever. if ppl piss you off. be a bitch.
• Find love. hhahaa, ok this one is hilarious but to please the inner romantic in me.
• To be more open. i've realised and someone has kindly pointed out that i'm numb. i numb myself from everything. so i don't get hurt or involved emotionally. which is so true. well to get hurt is part of life which i shall embrace.
• To stick to the above points. too many is not good.

hah, as i type this we have officially crossed over to 2007.

HAPPIE NEU YEAH!!!

TO A WORSE YEAR YET!!!

Last Day of 2006

tomolo is the last day of 2006. going to go to my Grandma house. tomolo is also coincidentally Hari Raya Haji. so the whole clan is gonna be there. that how i'll spend my new years eve. countdown's at home.as it has always been.

anyways, i learned a new skill. ahah! i learned knitting! how old and depressing. but it kinda therapeutic. the constant tiwsting and turning of the yarn ins claming and hypnotic. i'm making myself a scarf which i have no need for but it seems fun. of course its green.

other than that just wasting my time away... slowly...

oh wait for my new year post then.. that will be fun..

Ends on a Low Note... Very Low....

well 2006 had to end on the lowest possible note ever.....

let me first explain again if i haven't already, why this blog exists. this blog exist as an outlet for me to express myself. where else can i talk out loud about the thing i like or don't like. i don't bitch around, much anyways, in real life so i do it here. just that i let the world read my stuff and an insight to my disturbed soul. this blog is my diary of sorts and it keeps me sane to a certain extent. that why my blog exists. things i may type here are not to be discussed out in the real world. i have a public persona and pernal one too and wen in public i behave differently to wat i write here. you have to be very close to me for me to open up to you. don't i maybe smiling but rest assured taht there is something i feel like crap about. i just don't want to ruin your day talking to you about it.

and also let me first apologize in advance. if you happen to read this, which i think you will, i have to say I'M SORRY. things that i am going to write next will hurt your feelings but it has hurt me more. there is nothing wrong with you. you are who you are as i am who i am. you are wonderful person. great and i mean it. i'm not trying to attack you or anything. its just the things people say and their actions and behaviour that irks me. its not you. PLEASE don't be offended. really once again. i'm sorry if i offend you or hurt your feelings. you know who you are.

with that i shall start my blog proper.

you can tease me and taunt me. i'm not the most butch or macho man in the world. i can take it. i have putting up with it for the most part of my life. you can tell me i'm a weakling and not strong that i know very well. lets just say i can't take alot of shit and not take it personally. but there somethings that people say that will hit me where it hurts. even in the strongest walls there are weak spots. this happened the other day.

"eh why you become sergeant? why cannot (insert name here) become sergeant?" wah wen he said that to me, i was stunned for awhile. tried to do some damage control and FYI its not education level that determines if you can go and be a spec. First of all, i'm not from the MONO, i'm from Tekong and it just so happened that i was posted at the wrong time and maybe at the wrong place. you think i want to be in that godforsaken place? it was quite hurt by that comment.

but too late the seeds was planted. correction, the seed has already been planted this was just the water to nourish it. for things have happened before similiar to this. people have to go thru other people wen i'm in the bloody vicinity. i was there. yet, nobody asks me. i could be standing in the same room but oh ho nooo, lets call up somebody else and ask. wen i am freaking in the room.

some people have no trust in me. they have no confidence in me. and these people are important figures in my work. how can i work if they have very little confidence in me. they prefer others to take my job. if you have little confidence in me why not post me out and find someone else to take over? although they never say it but can see it in the way they talk to me and the general feeling i get wen i'm around them. you prefer someone else, i know but your stuck with me. how am i supposed to work properly if i know there is little support behind me? maybe i'm insecure i dunno. its just how i feel.

but how can you compare both of us? we are both different people. we have our strengths and weakness. i know i don't deserve the rank. i was promoted on the fact taht i had to be promoted. how could i be right?

i have no physical fitness to speak of.
i can't command, ppl don't listen to me.
i'm "soft" not macho.
wen you look at me you don't see authority or power.
my medical skills are a mess.
i have no organizational skills.
i'm silly and illogical.

my weaknesses outweigh my strengths. i'm not perfect, i will never be, but at least have some confidence in me. and don't compare me with others. i'm trying hard to do my job, i am fucked up i noe but i am who i am.

once again don't take this the wrong way, i don't mean to hurt people's feelings or make enemies. i just want to let it out, if i keep it in i'll most probably die. the only person hurt here is me. my confidence has died. i feel so depressed and down right now. wat a way to start the new year.

Hopefully a Rest... i Think Not....

Ok got back from Ward duty and was kinda tired, ok i lie was very tired. spent the whole night sleeping on chairs so i think my neck abit sore. heh. anyways.

ya went to Singapore Garden Festival with Sam. I think they should hav in more often. its wonderful. like its a Botanical wonderland. but i think they overdid it on the orchid part. ya i know singapore is a major producer of orchids but they didn't have to dedicated a quarter of the Festival space to orchids. ok fine that the OSSEA had a awards thing but they could have competitions for other plants like fruits and vegetables or largest flower or best specimen for different catergory of plants to get the public involved in gardening and plants. thats just me. anyways being there i just had to buy something so here the stuff i bought. coincidentally or not the stuff i bought are all tiny things. tiny plants that is.

Psygmorchis pusilla: oh my god its the tiniest orchid you have ever seen. really really tiny. half the size of ur thumb. so cute. click here for pic. and here so cute.

Neoregelia pauciflora: a small bromeliad nothing special. just that its the size of ur palm and has spot which my fren thought were diseased spots. Pics here and here

Guzmania "Tipi" : tiniest Guzmania i've ever seen. same palm sized thing. hope it pups for me. Pic scroll down to Tipi.

i feel contented and happy. i have went and i have seen and i have interacted. and i feel fucking tired. such a hectic week but somehow i wokup this morning at the hospital and looked in the mirror and said "WOW!" i looked fabulous. (no really i looked great. laugh all you want.) but the crap part of it was i was not going out today. looking great and nowhere to go. irony of the century. haha.

i can't wait for the new year. things will change for the new year. for one i will leave the army and all the wonderful and colorful ppl it contains. that includes the Fucked up ones as well. all life experiences. i have made a list in my mind of all the new years resolutions for the next year. one of them is to try and keep to my resolutions. heh. i'm sure this week will be as hectic as the past one. crap.

Retrospect 2006

ah yes, its time for the much expected and very very very cliched Retrospect 2006. everybody does it. i decided to do it now, a week before the new year, coz for one i'm at home and its raining and there is nothing much to do. and well i fear i won't be free on new years to type it out. umm. on second thought i will be free for the lack of a social life but anyways.

2006 wat do i think of thee? for one it was an eventful year. a year of growth for myself and self exploration. which i have never done before. meeting some wonderful people who have touched my life in more ways than they will ever noe. so shall we begin? on a journey that spans 12 months and wat each months means to me... travel back in time to......

January to March: Nothing much happened here. trying to fit in and learning new stuff. preparing to go to Brunei. Physical training and stuff like that. aand the workload hah! Personally i've been some sort of a mouse. Shying away at stuff and people.

April: i guess this where it all began. when we went to Brunei. it was trying physically and mentally to walk as much as we did and to carry as much i did. it was a challenge and i grew from it. wen ur in the jungle far from any help and the only medical help for your guys is you. you sort of realise the gravity of the situation. this is where it all started to change.

May: this was a relaxed month since we just came back from Brunei and was in the middle of preparing for NDP. i started my quest of self eploration. all thanks to this one person.

June and July: Prep for NDP. had the time of my life. it was fun doing aNDP and also quite tiring. I had 3 appointments or rather 3 jobs at 3 different places. sheesh.

August & September & October : NDP was an experience. And also started my Paramedic level 2 course. Hah! BEst time of my Life! Met the most wonderful ppl. made new frens.

November: Was away for OPS. sHush! i can't say wat it is. which was fun. other than that nothing happened.

December: and so we are here in December. was that fast or wat. of course i left out alot of bits but then if i did den it would a million miles long wouldn't it? also i can't possibly remember all the stuff that happened to me.

i started my self exploration all thanks to you. if ur reading this anyways which i think you won't but who knows eh? you work in mysterious ways. i started to think about myself to see wat was going on with me because of you. you came into my life and well left quite an impression and affected me deeply more than you'll ever know. you still do. oh well. can't go any further or not i'll open a huge can of worms.

anyways next post will be on my new years resolutions. tadah!

The Unknown surrounds us at any given moment.

That is where we seek knowledge.

Bene Gesserit, Dune

Singapore Garden Festival

ok first of all it has been one fucking hectic week. monday got range cover, tuesday and wednesday got duty, thursday i had to conduct tests and friday got duty again. sat went out the whole day, and sunday got duty again. gosh its a wonder that i even manage to post this post. but i have stuff to tell and say.

I WENT TO THE SINGAPORE GARDEN FESTIVAL!!!!!

finally i'm so happy. it was quite an experience, so many beautiful plants and so many beautiful ppl too. and am very very tired now. anyways bought a few plants and will give you a breakdown of them k? as for now i shall sleep and go duty tomolo. fuck.

Gloomy Sunday

Woke up this Sunday morning to find it raining and gloomy. This drop in temperature has lead to me having a drippy nose and me sneezing every few seconds. damn weather. anyways....

there has been much hype about sex education in the news and in the blogging world. sorry it took me quite some time to think about it. apparently there is a debate (if i'm not wrong, sorry haven't been up to date lately) wether anot to revamp sex education in skool or something like that. add to that the recent molest thing going on, people are giving serious thought or rather just creatinga big woo hah! about it. let me tell you why.......

kids or rather teenagers are exploring their sexuality at a very early age. lets face the fact. i personally know a few people who lost their viriginity at a young age of 13! while i was happily watch Days of Lives and listening to Spice Girls. urgh imagine that? (why you looking at me like that? please ah i was a very innocent teen ok) so anyways Sex Ed in secondary skool is kinda redudndant and if they did it in Pri skool it would be tarnishing the innocnet image of childhood. so there lies the conundrum.

its kinda the iceberg effect, here are a few ppl i know who have "fun" on a regular basis while in lower sec, i know for sure there are many more ppl out there. wat i'm trying to say is Sex Ed should be scrapped in skool anyway. wit the internet they could do a portal for kids to go to by themselves to check it out. i mean they have frens and internet wat else do they need? we are still living in an conservative asian culture, lets not kids ourselves with trying to be sexually open. please if we cannot handle such adult issues like oral sex ( which for now has been approved for heteros) and homosexuality (which has not) we are trying to openly educate our youngster about sex? do not make me laugh. we will learn about sex like all good asian kids. BY OURSELVES.

we must been doing it right coz the number of teen pregnancy are not in the thousands and STDs are not rampant. i might be wrong don't quote me on this. its has been going on for generations, the self exploration bits it has since our parents generations and it shall continue on for many generations to come. ok may be not so many, maybe a few more.

well enuff this weeks rants. hah! here's a nice video of a Sarangi. forgice me for mixing classical indian music wit the topic of today's rant. but i love the Sarangi, its the musical instrument that can imitate a person voice. and it has the most wonderful tone. but i'm playing the sitar coz there aren't many Sarangi teachers here. but it is a wonderful instrument. enjoy.

toodles

A Lonely Weekend

Singapore Garden Festival has started and i wanna go!!!! oh but this time i am going, next sat so i really hope nothing goes wrong. Any body want to join me? ummm... ok i was running thru my mind of who would go and it sorta drew a blank.. besides those who are already going on an earlier date, i can't think of anyone else that would want to go.. without much persuasion that is... but why don't you suprise me? will u join me in the Botanical World?

anyways... my skin is fucked up.. officially fucked up... like i looked in the mirror this morning and my face was so shiny i was almost blinded my the reflection of sunlight against it. and pimples have been popping up in many places. and pores are the size of... oh i can't bear to say it... the horror of my skin... i shall not say anymore... genetics a bitch....

ok very very tired... need to sleep... only got 3 hours of sleep ok... so toodles...

The Problem With Me

The Problem With Me a short essay by KookyPlum

the problem with me is i try to understand the world i live in. instead of actually living it. i'm endlessly breaking down ppl's actions and behaviour to find out why they do it and wat is its place in the whole grand design of the universe. i try to analyse weather , cloud and winds to predict wether it will rain. i observe ppl to see their behaviour. but i must say it has not gone in vain. i can and have achieve some things from these silly doings of mine. i can't tell you wat they are. its a secret. bottom line i think too much.

the problem with me is a psychoanalyse myself too much. the harshest judge of me is me. i try to analyse wat i do and wat i think too much. maybe i should just start to pretend everything is happie yappie like everyone else. the truth is just too painful to confront and we all should just pretend and go on with our lives like nothing happened. it seems to work for most people, it could work for me. pretending. putting on a smile wen i feel like crap. wait i do that already.

the problem with me is just me. i have to get over it. or rather shove my issues in the back of my mind where it will lead to some weird behaviour or bite me in the ass in the near future. oh well. thus ends my essay.

anyways i've decided to brush up on my plant knowledge and have decided to revise my plant biology. thats should keep me busy and also i plan to read up on my paramedic stuff also and too add to that i need to train for my silver and add to that all the shit that happens in camp. that should keep me occupied and happily pretending.

well it was good while it lasted. block leave i mean. back to camp soon.

KERMALAK LYRICS!!!!

Oh My God! some kind soul has given me the translation for the song Kermalak which i had posterd a few post down!! i'm soo happie to finally know wat it means.

Kermalak (For You)

You dont want us to stay lovers

And never stay away from each other

You want me to be ur freind

And lie to my melting heart

you are unfair and u know

The pain i feel when your're far away from me

Tell me my love And i'll accept my fate

If you let me know what you wish for

Because of you i started to hiding

The love i have in my heart

Pretending that i'm indifferent

Not caring not concerned

Acting like a friend to you

Constantly asking how you are doing

Feeling secure that you are near

And not troubling you with my love

Your love had me running after you

And made me lose my sel

fIt made me follow you everywhere

But it did not take me,

nor did it let me go

You are so selfish

Oh my love try to forget me

My heart hardens

And it can forget

The days we were lovers.

I Don't Get It

Ok there are somethings in life that remain a mystery. Here are somethings that will remain a mystery to me. I just don't get it. first on the list ( and i do like to make lists)

• ppl going for a tan. if ur naturally tan thats ok. if ur a fisherman its ok. if ur a life guard its ok. if you play lotsa beach sports like beach volley ball and swimming then its ok. i don't get ppl who go to the beach to get tan. i means its ok but i just don't get it. if ur fair just remain fair. fair is good. i like fair. i am fair. if ur tanning to get the illusion of being sporty den umm i dunno wat to say. asians are either of two colors. fair or dark. tann is not a natural skin color. its wat you get wen you fry skin under the sun. but then thats just me.
• ppl who dye their hair blonde or red. i mean the whole head blond. go ahead dye your hair dark brown or highlight your hair. but i don't get why ppl dye their hair blond. i mean ur asian. we have black hair at most brown hair (for those lucky few) we don't have blond hair. if your whole head blond why never dye your eyebrows blond too and ur pubes. muz match mah. den again its just me.
• boxers. i personally like briefs. coz i like how it hugs my ass and support my assets (haha!) we all have preferences. but i don't get why guys wear boxers and then wear running shorts? the boxers stick out and are ugly. and don't running shorts have those little inner lining/underwear things? if you want ur balls to hang then don't wear underwear. strange.

ok that my observations for the past day or so. its nice observe ppl. its been a totally boring days thats wat i do on boring days. also wats nice to do on borings days wen ur at home is. well if there is a thunderstorm going on while ur home, is to lightning watch. i just love the way the lightning streaks across the sky with their silver white veins. appearing in an instant against the grey sky. waiting for the thunder to come and vibrate your whole being. its nice to lightning watch. indoors of course.

hopefully tomolo is a better day. is there still nobody who wants to go Singapore Garden Fest with me? i can't make it Monday coz well i'm in camp (and its always Monday) and well nobody wants to go. i could go alone but then that would suck.

A Quote

"IT IS ASTONISHING HOW FOOLISH HUMANS CAN BE IN GROUPS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY FOLLOW THEIR LEADERS

WITHOUT QUESTION"

a quote from the Bene Gesserit (Frank Herbert's Dune)

You can find more here

Lethargy

you would think that 2 days of rest would like rejuvenate you but no it didn't... i slept like really early for the past 2 days and it didn't help. i feel more tired than before and my muscles are damn sore. my shoulders feel very tired. my back hurts. my neck is stiff. so much for getting alot of rest. but the upside is i had alot of funny dreams. dreaming is fun. coz i'll wake up after a particular dream and go back to sleep and change the story or continue it. i can do that and its fun. but the bummer thing about dreams is that you forget then during the day and as time goes by you forget them altogether. but at least i know i had fun.

ok anyhoo, to combat this lethargy i have been drinking shitloads of water and eating alot of fruits. like here i am sitting here typing, at the same time eating a bowl of fruit salad. which by the way consists of bananas, grapes, bluberries and a handful of almonds. hmm goodness. also had a cup of hot chocolate. ok on hindsight that might hav been a bit too much but at least i feel happy. and full. happy and full. and fat. sigh. such are the ironies of life.

ok so i have wasted 3 days of block leave already doing nothing but stay at home and going to singapore expo. with the expectations of going to see the Sacred Buddhist Relics but after seeing the Q i'm beggining to change my mind. maybe i'll let the Buddhist people go see it and let them take my place. its more important to them anyways.

so there goes one thing i wanna do for block leave. ok other things to do is for block leave.

1. Go to Ikea Tampines and buy lotsa nonsense things
2. Go for a run. keep fit darlings keep fit!
3. go on a shopping spree. maybe
4. get a haircut. must must
5. go to a museum. again who would wanna go?

is that to much to ask? most probably yes. (i feel a wave of nonsensical ranting about myself spiralling into a depressing emotional blackhole coming!) like who would go out with me for all these things. i can count them with one hand. here's the deal with me. correct me if i'm wrong.

• i'm malay with chinese blood. so i look chinese.
• i'm not your typical malay so bugger off
• i eat with chopsticks
• i listen to bollywood/arab music
• i'm learning the sitar
• i have wavy hair and fair skin
• not fat and also not thin
• not drop dead gorgeous but also not fuck ugly (some ppl might beg to differ on this point)
• i don't play soccer or any sports for that matter
• i like frogs and the colour green
• my interest concern plants and nature instead of cars and bikes
• i read alot. who read nowadays anyways?

my point is i'm just different from alot of people. and i guess you know it already you ppl reading this. ok lah. just wen this blog was getting happie!

your filthy but i'm gorgeous!

Kermalak By Elissa

i've tried posting this clip from Youtube several times but it doesn't come out.. oh well.. had to do it the old fashioned way... with success i might add.

anyway this song is really has lotsa meaning for me.. revealing to much aren't we now? i've searched and searched for the translation for this song and this is all i can find...

"Because of you I started hiding the love I have in my heart"

"Pretending that I’m indifferent, not caring, not concerned"

"Acting like a friend to you constantly asking how you are doing"

"Feeling secure that you are near and not troubling you with my love"

"Your love had me running after you and made me lose myself"

Kermalak means Because of You. so i guess that the above lyrics are the chorus. Once again read into this as much as you want. i'm not telling.

Mary Cherry!!!

All hail the goddess that is Mary Cherry.... These clips are from a now deufnct Tv show called POPULAR... i'm sure some of you remember it. any hoo i love mary cherry!!!!!!!

MARY CHERRY ROCKS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iah0u9LfyY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpUFyAk0IOo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hEdaZ2M8Cw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sr4GN2zlQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jrNxEq-E3E

I *heart* Scissor Sisters

I'm beginning to like Scissor Sisters. go listen. this is a totally pointless post.

Reflections

was reading back my post from 2004 and it struck how much this blog has changed. back in the day it was blog to blog about everyday things. funny things i saw on the way to skool. my apparent obsession with Singapore Idol (that so over now).. i mean normal things nothing like wat i write now. non personal, very non personal.

now wat i blog about is stuff that concerns me. my self worth and where i stand on this little blue planet. personal stuff. it seems my blog has become a blog of self exploration. delving into the dark corners of my persona and try to be balanced (well let me add that light cannot exist without dark and day needs its night).

i think i found the reason why i've been questioning myself alot these days. and its not pretty or least it seems silly. i shall not write it here i need time to think this through. this may be the answer to everything!

Jealousy

Jealousy.... its wat strives us onwards, makes us do better and better ourselves. isn't it true? we push ourselves further just so we can be better than the other person. and that coz we are are jealous of wat he/she posseses so we must prove ourselves better and get better stuff than he/she. lets not lie to ourselves darlings, we don't do things to better ourselves, we do things coz we are jealous of others and we want ppl to be jealous of us. think about it.

the reason for this lil entry is bcoz it seems my jealously of somebody has sort of converted itself to hate. i really don't want to hate this person but well my jealousy has gotten the better of me. well my fav colour is green, so naturally i would sooner or later let envy to take over me (kidding lah). who am i talking about i shall not speak of the name. but noe this i don't mean to act cold to you or anything like that. i'm just jealous. sorry.

i'm jealous of many things. but before i go on as you all have known by now i have issues. lots. i may seem dysfunctional or watnot but we all have issues. its just that we don't really wanna talk about it or we pretend all is well. come on, nobody is really really content with themselves. if we were we would all attain enlightenment and become buddhas. so ppl stop pretending. face the truth, only then can we be truly content.

so i got a little sidetracked.

ok the thing i'm most jealous about is how easily ppl fall in love. how wonderful it is to feel the pains of love. the ache of longing and call of desire. wouldn't it wonderful to have your heart broken? silly it may seem. but for once i wish to feel alive. to feel wat its like to love and be loved. to really live. and have your heart crushed into a million pieces. i want to feel human. to feel the pain and heart ache. not this unfulfilled emptiness.

ah so i've side tracked again. i tend to go into these depression modes wen i'm off "work". camp keeps me distracted for some reason. coz maybe there is woke to be done or the lack of it. i dunno it distracts me from my issues. wonderful stuff this "work" is. den again it has it downsides. with a new promotion. well, comes more expectations and responsibility.

oh well... every cloud has its silver lining they say...

Retail Therapy

ok went out today and got some retail therapy. it good to spend money wen you are stressed. especially wen you are with your best who makes you buy nonsense things. things you don't need. but i'm grateful.

bought a green t shirt with a tree with it. well wat other colour can it be? and with a tree on it makes it extra special.

bought a Neil Gaiman Book. it has a green leaf on the cover. partly why i was attracted to it in the first place. i am such a book slut right? ppl say i buy nonsense books but thats wat spend moeny on. instead of you know phones or clothes. thats just me.

bought beads or rather those charms on charm bracelets... i don't even have a charm bracelet but who cares! they were in the shape of FROGS!!!! and also the symbol of medicine you know the snakes intertwined around the sword thing. i love it.

but have to go back to "work" i shall call it. you work hard and do your stuff. but you never get recognition or a payrise or a promotion. all you get is more work or get fucked (not really get fucked but you get wat i mean). going back tomolo. aaarrrggghhh!!!!!

oh well life's like taht.

Please Please Please

Please do not bug me in the early morning. i hate ppl buggin me in the early morning. also i like to be quiet in the morning. i don't like to talk much in the morning until warm up. after getting sunshine on my skin. then you can bug me. that would be around 9.30? maybe. before that please do not bug me, i haven't wake up yet. I NEED MY MORNING QUIET.

besides that i realised wat people perceive me to be and wat i believe i potray to the world is totally different. people see me as well... i don't really want to say wat people really see me as but its not very nice. its crap wat people think of me. you have to set yourself on a higher pedestal and even that people ridicule you and not accept that this who you are. i don't want to be a bitch, i behave the way i behave so that i can bring a smile to ppl's face. brighten up their day with my antics but... lets just say thats not beggining to go very well...

it not good to be silly and perky all the time. ppl tend to blame you for things that are not even in your jobscope. i get blamed for almost everything.

• you lose your stationery. blame me i'm supposed to know where it is.
• misplaced your file? i'm supposed to know where it is even though i didn't see it in the first place
• how many cup noodles are there? not enuff? my fault again
• where's the aircon remote? my fault for not looking after it. even though its put in a place where i need eyes at the back of my head to see it.
• why not faxed? my fault again
• why not filed? oopps me again
• why ppl falling sick? my fault supposed to ensure that bunks are clean
• not enough copies. well it my job again. you see
• why is the room in a mess? ya i'm the cleaner wat. no need to clean up after yourself coz there's me
• bunk dusty and stuffy? no problem i'll sweep it and mop it coz everybody complains bout it but nobody gives a FUCK SHIT to do anything about it
• why not signed or issued? its my fault. i'm supposed to go chase them down and beg them to sign the book.

thsi is wat you get for caring. excuse me but my job is to take care of the company not LITREALLY TAKE CARE OF THE COMPANY.

also ppl have such great expectations of me. like i'm supposed to be this super medic that can handle everything and anything. i'm supposed to defend the weak and be perfect and have ippt gold and clear my soc in 5 mins flat. but i'm not that kind of person can't they see that? people makes mistakes, i'm not perfect.sometimes i wish i could break my legs or have some skin condition. then maybe i could have a better life. an easier life. but i don't think so. coz life is unfair everywhere.

did any of you watch Devil Wears Prada? See how that to be good at your job your personal life suffers? i don't want to be like that. i don't want to be a bitch and nasty bossing ppl around. granted that i am already bitchy but i'm not mean. i want be nice. seems that i have to be like that to get the job done basically.

i hate myself sometimes.

ok scrap that. most of the time.

The Title Is No Title

Seriously i don't have a title for this post.. like i usually come up withe some the most interesting post titles ever (well really its true, go read the previous post to see) but alas today i have no idea of wat the title shall be so i came up withe no title. how original (yes i know thanks)

so anyways i don't have good intro for todays post so i'm just gonna jump straight into it.

was reading Sutff magazine or somthing like that (it had a laydee clad in a bikini/thong thing on the cover, i dunno its a gadget magazine for crying out loud!) ok so i was amazed at the amount of gadget there were just for.. umm... lets say mp3! like the way they reviewed each gadget was so tempting i wanted to buy them all!!! but hey i'll just stick to my Creative.... ok i dunno wat model it is but its orange(so not my colour of choice) and i love it (it not the orange but the player itself). it serves its purpose of giving me music to hear and giving people the impression that i'm listening to music when in actual fact i'm listening to their conversation. ok i do that sometimes just for fun. i'm happy with it.

i don't get peoples obsession with new and improved technology wen the present one that they have suits them just fine. like a phone is for calling and/or messaging. and maybe sending mms. why do you need it to be able to surf the net or have msn? its kinda silly. call me old fashion. i take to technology as how a cat takes to water. not that i never, it just takes me along time.

also i dunn ohow ppl can be so obsessed with fashion and following trends in Milan or Paris but hello! we have aonly rain and heat. no winter fall or spring summer. okay i do enjoy a good fashion show and enjoy looking at pretty dresses but i don't get spending tons or money on clothes you only wear a few times and them not wear them coz its not in fashion or it "worn " out. beats me. for me comfort and price makes up a big part of wat i buy to wear. also it must be in shades or green, brown or dark blue. and it must make me look thin and slender. very important. i do have a fashion sense okay just that i'm short and curvy tahts all bitch. wearing a polo tee and board shorts and flip flops (which were all wonderfully colour coordinated in green and brown with a splash of khaki) so much put together compared to wearing a red checkered long sleeve shirt and a green tee inside and jeans and slippers looking like its christmas. sorry i was a bit pissed off. i had to get it off my oh so flat chest.

so anyhoo moving on.

just got bac kfrom a secret duty on a secret island. so i'm really fucking tired ( ok i'm gonna start liberally sprinkling vulgarities in my post from now on coz i fucking think this place needs some yeah. but not alot just a bit). so anyways fucking tired but not really wanting to sleep. coz i have so many things to do like watch tv, explore the net, update my blog, watch youtube, check on my plants, strum my sitar, EAT! and so on and so on. i can't be sleeeping now!!!!!!!

actually i'm really really tired so maybe i'mm just go lie down for awhile.

Umm Kalthoum

This is a classic from Umm Kalthoum... i love her.. too bad she no longer here with us..