I dunno How to Feel....

i dunno how to write this... i jsut need to get this off of my chest...

i have so much anger coursing thru my veins... now... i just feel like beating up something or someone... i wish, i really wish that i could hav someone to blame for the way i feel. but the sad thing is there is nobody to blame but me.

is it really anger? i dunno wat i'm feeling.... but i know it hurts so bad... my chest hurts.... ya my chest hurts....

i dunno how to be human.. wen u start caring for ppl it starts to hurt soo bad...

am i selfish? to want things or affection for myself? aren't you selfish too then? i dunno its all very confusing.

i feel like dying everynight. but then i wake up the next to continue my sad existence.

and if u ask me if i'm ok, i'll say i'm fine... ppl don't want to be sucked into ur sadness or depression. so no need to worry... i just wrote this to get it off my chest....

It Was My Birthday... My Fucking Stupid Birthday

Ok my Birthday came and went. see no earthquake or seas parting. Nothing special.
Thanks to those who remembered (the number of which i can count with my two hands. with a few fingers left over.)

This in the "Potential Break Up Song" By Aly and Aj. I just clicked this song randomly from Youtube. And wow i Love It!!!!! So catchy....



My Favourite part of the song.....

"It took too long for you to call back
And normally I would just forget that
Except for the fact it was my birthday
My stupid birthday"

A part of me just died wen my a part of my heart cracked.
Sometimes wat u expect isn't wat u get.
Happy Birthday to Me.

Love Story - Katherine McPhee

Ok... i have to admit Katherine McPhee is GORGEOUS!!! in this video... and i love the song, Love Song... hahaha... No i'm not in Love. I wish. But No.

Enjoy Kat McPhee in all her gorgeousness!!!!!!

Thai Express!!!!! and poly frens!!!!!

Met up wit the Poly mates for dinner yesterday. Hahaha we've known each other for yonk years. like hmmm.... since 2002? ok maybe not yonk years but quite a long time i must say. and i love thai express. and now since i got an Orange Card. i love it even more hahaha.

Left to Right: Me of course, Baa baa, Ah Teng (who i've seen for the first time in a year), Ah Yi and Rachel.....

Remember To Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo!!!!!

So i was awake at 2.30 in the morning. Lurking around YouTube and i found this video from Ellen Show.... Its hilarious and it made me smile!!!!!

So please remember to breathe from ur Hoo Hoo!!!! Gotta watch it.....



Longer Version With A Catchy Version at the End

Fashion Rant!!!!!!

Its time again my lovely readers for my Fashion Rant.... i love my rants!!!!!

So first order of the day....

Wat is up with some ladies these days? i cannot tahan the ladies who have their fringe straight and the hair on the back of their head is curly... i don't get it. wats with that? a perm gone wrong? i saw it on tv also today!!!! On i think it was Campus Superstar... they were singing a song about a telephone ringing and this girl in the middle had that half straight and half curly hair.. oh my god its look as though either she didn't have enuff money to fully perm her hair or she's just lazy to straighten her hair. but the singing was good though but not the hair.

ok next is boys.... Do not tie ur jacket or sweater around ur waist. that went out wif the early 90's. and it should stay that way. it seriously looks like a skirt from the back. sad. sad. sad.

ok here some for the boys. Its my top tips for Making UR self Look HOT...
This only works if u are Semi Hot or average looking... like not really skinny nor realt fat... average looking...

1. Get a TAN. i mean seriously getting a tan makes u instantly hotter. it conjures up images of beaches and being half naked frolicking in the sand and surf. also it helps if ur already playing a sport in the sun. So boys get a tan. The whole havinga tan makes u look sporty is nonsense. having a tan means u like to take off ur clothes. seriously all of you are thinking that in the back of ur minds.
2. Carry a LONG STICK object. Really carrying a long stick is HOT. its Looong and its a stick. it metaphorical and full of sexual connotations. Best if u carried a Paddle or a FloorBall Stick. If not a black umbrella looks kool too.
3. Wear BERMS. Show some calves. Doesn't matter if ur smooth or hairy as long as u show some skin down there. automatic HOT. or at least hotter. Its like how women wear plunging necklines to show some skin? yeah Berms do the same thing. Better yet, wear short to look as though u just got back from training at the stadium or paddling. Why do u think those dragonboaters wear their short and tanks after training? wen they could so wear something else. u might think its just to wear to go home but nah where got. How often u see them on the way home. usually its to go eat or to walk walk in vivo. i rest my case.
4. POSTURE. this is very important. ur teachers told u it s important. ur parents told u its important. and now I AM telling you its important. Stand up straight!!!! Chest slighty out. if u have a tummy suck it in. Walk like u own the road and walk with dinity and pride. Pretend ur the Queen. Regal is the word.
5. EXERCISE. I mean really. Half of being hot is actually having a decent body. I'm not saying u become those Gymfreaks. ewww no. just jog twice a week taht kind of exercise. Keep HEALTHY not obsess about ur bodies. but i'm sure taht some in fact most of you are already comparing the size of ur arms or wether u can count ur abs. oh well. As long as the goods show.

Does anybody realise that if u actually did wat i told you to do, u would actually look like a dragonboater? And everybody know Dragonboaters are HOT!!! Everybody wants one and every guy wants to be one. Water Polo and Swimmers are out. Dragonboaters are in. SO boys. GO join a team today!!!!

I can't believe i just asked ppl to go join a dragon boat team.... Shudders.....

Sunday Is Gloomy.....

Wat a day today is eh? It was raining all day... at least here in the North East... Rain rain rain.. i like rain... Means u can stay home and realx and cuddle... except i have nobody to cuddle with.. Blargh...

Instead i made jewelry!!! Yayness!!!

I made a 3 strand floating necklace with Amethyst Chip beads and Nylon..... and... a Green mixed bead princess length necklace. and i also made a double loop amethyst bracelet... den i stopped coz i ran out of crimping beads... haha...

i also made a card using Ginko Leaves.. its Gorgeous....

Den i fell asleep in the afternoonand woke up for dinner... i feel happy now.... that i did alot of things today... pics of my necklaces coming soon....

Wat Irony.....

Ok i went to the Signapore River Markets at the ArtHouse (which was the old Parliment House) today...BY MYSELF....

and later on i was saved by Ehrman who i met for dinner and kai kai for awhile after that. Even though he was aching all over due the fact that he had a killer gym session the day before. Thanks Ehrman!

Anyways i shall busy myself coz i hate to feel left out from this "Busy-ness Wave" that is washing over everybody. So I have started new projects! Mainly for MaaD!! Coz i have to prepare mah.

So i shall be very busy over the next 2 weeks. But not that busy. Haha. Laters.

Things i Wanna Do!

Lets see i have a list of things i wanna do:

1. Go to Singapore Art Museum. Got the Singapore Art Show i wanna go see.
2. Go to Singapore River Markets. which is this weekend.
3. Go cut my hair. its getting abit einstein.
4. Go Botanic Gardens. Just coz i have not been there in awhile.
5. Go watch a movie. I just feel like watching a movie.

Ahah 5 things i feel like doing this week. with the exception of cutting hair. all the rest needs people. well i could do it alone but then thats no fun. haiz. most probably not doing these things anyways. everyone is soooo busy.

Time For mAaD Yet Again!

Ok since no one is there to entertain me i have to entertain myself. haha. so i have to get off my ass to do stuff for MAAD. Yes half of August has passed and left 2 more weeks. So i have concocted new stuff for MAAD.

My Work Space. Ya Its Messy.

People have said that why do MaAd wen u it was kinda of a flop the last time. Well to me MaaD is about having fun and meeting new people. Not really about making money although it would be nice to actually make money .. haha.. anyways work has gotten underway! i shall try REALLY hard to make myself busy. hee hee.

Off i shall go to prepare for MAaD September!!!

Busy Busy Little Bees

Busy Busy Little Bees! Buzzing Around Here and There. Busy Working. Buzz Buzz.

Its seems my dears that EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE is sooo fucking busy now. Oooohh... i'm talking about my frens lah.... but they will be too busy to read this anyways.

First are the skooling people. WEll u know Uni has started and well everyone who is anyone studying is busy with skool. New projects and assignments. New frens to make. New boys/girls to chase. New people to f*ck. Oh old lecture mates to catch up with. So on and so forth u catch my drift. Thus skool in effect makes u a very busy person indeed.

Second are the working people. Oh working people are busy indeed. Most of them work normal office hours, some do not. but still all are working their ass off. For money if nothing else. People rarely work for passion or interest. but anyway bottom line is that people are working and working hard.

Third are the Army People. God knows if they are busy or not. but the point is that they are stuck in camp. With no internet access thus no msn.

All these people compared to me. A dude who has all the free time in the world. i'm not skooling at the moment and i work but part time. and i'm not in the army. i am FUCKING free. except that i have not much money to spend but other than that Fucking free! But wats the use of being Farking free if u got nobody to spend that FARKING FREE time wit?

Thus the usual suspects who i talk to on msn are not online coz they are busy or in camp or working. and nobody to go out with. thus my life has become a boring mundane mess.

BORING BORING MESS. Wake up. Eat Breakfast.Read Paper.Watch TV.Go to Work. Come Back.Eat.Go Online HOPING people come online to talk to. Sleep.

And the cycle continues. Goddamn it. Its seriously killing me slowly.

Neglect

Oh dear blog... i have been neglecting you...

there is nothing to blog about these days.. lifes been stagnating abit... after Maad i've been thinking about life alot... and i realised that well my life is not as wat i hoped it to be...

yeah yeah i know, some of you might say that life is wat u make of it and u are responsible for ur own life but sometimes it just seems hopeless.... constanntly in this cycle or mundane life with nobody to share it wif. all the happy bits and all the sad bits. always alone. yes of course i have frens but they can only take so much of my whining. i don't want to bother them so much with it. they get tired of it coz its always the same story. hahaha... i'll promise to be happier wen we meet up.

oh well life's been pretty mundane and boring. with work and all. so nothing to blog about so yeah.

My Daemon

Of Birthdays

Many moons have passed since the beginning of the year... and now its august... which means my birthday is coming... well this is not a post about my birthday wishlist.... i've never made a big hoohah about my birthday anyways.... didn't even have a 21st party... pathetic rite? anyways.....

your birthday is the day u were born on.. it is ur special day. and u want it to be special rite? i find it weird that wen the birthday person in question will organise their own birthday celebration... its not wrong... jsut that for me its weird... its ur special day... u would wanna be pampered wouldn't you?

maybe its just me and my delusional thoughts of having people pamper me and suprise me on my birthday.. i might be watching too much tv... that and i need to be in a relationship for that to happen...

well maybe this is a birthday wishlist post...

my wish for my birthday is for people to actually care... thats a simple wish isn't it?

but nah... my birthday shall pass without any incident and the world shall move on...

Maar Dala

Maar dala is hindi for It Killed Me/i will die.... It being the happiness she gets from being in love.... ok i need to give u a little intro first....


This song is from the movie Devdas.... it tell of a love triangle between this man who si called Devdas. Devdas likes this girl, his childhood sweetheart, called Paro... but due to some unforseen family problems Paro cannot marry Devdas... so sad.. but anyways this song is concerned about the other lady... Chandramukhi...


Chandramukhi is a courtesan who fall madly in love with Devdas.. but due to his love for Paro he does not even look or care about her... but still Chandramukhi stays true to him and helps him and cares about him even though he does NOT care about her at all...

so she is really happy wen he comes to see her at her "brothel" to watch er dance... she's so happy she could die... sometimes even the slightest bit of attention from the ones u like can get u really happy....




it kinda reflects my life.... which i am cought in this endless cycle of liking ppl who do not care a shits ass about me.... but i still care about them and show my concern towards them.. but they don't care...

ah a vicious cycle eh.... anyways enjoy the song eh.... it has english translations so don't worry....

MaAd is Done!!!!! For now!

MaaD is done
and i had fun
wat a time to play


i fell sick
didn't sell my sticks
hey there's still another day


new frens made
and that was great
see u next month perhaps!


wah i finished August mAaD.... quite tiring.. which is alost due to the fact that i was sick.... it was fun lah... thanks for those who thought my drawings were kool and my anecdotes on life were funny.. and thanks for those who laughed at my stories!

i have to admit compared to the other ppl in maad i seem very low tech. and well... i am low tech.. i'm a low tech artist! wakakaka....but yeah thanks for those who came to show support! see ya'll next month!

and those of u who missed me at maad... oh well try to come next month k?

I'm Abit Lost

i fell sick on the first day of MAAD... how can rite? is it the stress? or maybe i just got the bug from my mom...

anyways i did MAAD... yay!!! i must say it is fun... but iwas abit bummed that people don't like my work... isn't it frustrating to put in soo much effort in ur work and people just glance over it... hmm maybe i must be thankful that they did not give bad remarks or anything.. at least those i didn't hear...

I LOVE MAAD.... the atmosphere and the people is all lovely... but this experience has lead me to wonder wat really is my purpose in life... i like being an artist and exploring my artistic side... but somehow i feel that this is not my calling and this is not wat i was meant to do....

something was amiss.. somehow missing... i did not feel complete and entirely happy... maybe one of the reasons being that i'm bummed that people did not see my effort... oh well wat can i say... art is subjective....

i see doors open for people in their field of interest and their passion... somehow i don't see that happening for me... am i doing the wrong thing? i am passionate about plants and the environment... i love plants... i love design and fashion aswell... but nothing's come up for me... not yet anyways so here i am in limbo....

maybe i should go with the flow?
i need an entire serious rethinking of my life....
seriously....
i feel so lost....

Its hard to find someone ur comfortable enuff to talk to

Its harder to find someone who would truly really listens to you

Its close to impossible to find someone who understands

MaaD this August!!!!