i can't even hav a peaceful emotional breakdown!

i have to keep it together. for the sake of my guys. it seems that they are already starting to crumble under the weight of stress. i am under more stress. god only noes wat i am going thru in my mind and heart. but i can't hav closure, i can't hav peace of mind for i have take care of others. i guess i have to be tough and be stronger. once again, time to keep my emotions under wraps for the sake of other people. that is my life and it seems i am beggining to accept this calling. alway doing things for other but nvr for myself. i cannot breakdown, wat would ppl say.

At the expense of many

For the benefit of all

I Guess I Have to Accept The Fact...

you sound happy.
i'm sure u are.
i should be happy for you.
that i am.

i cannot be so emotionally attached.
i must not.
for it is forbidden.

thus my job is done.
i have to move on.
obvious u have done so.

Sometimes....

Sometimes, i want to feel special....
Sometimes, i want to be the one who gets asked out...
Sometimes, i want to feel like ppl actually cared about me...
Sometimes, i could be genetically more perfect...
Sometimes, i wish to be taller...
Sometimes, i could be stronger...
But really, Sometimes, i wish to twist the heads, really slowly, off those people in camp...

i Really am A Very StooPId And Emotional Creature....

i feel used.. like a whore... and i didn't even get paid.. maybe i'm just being emotional but next time if any of u have relationship problems or have a break up pls pls do not come to me with your problems. i've had enuff this stupid nonsense. you guys will use me for emotional comfort and then just forget about wen u guys feel better.. enuff is enuff...

wat am i? a toy that u can put away wen u lose interest? many a time ppl come to me with their problems with girlfrens and boyfrens and then poof! after they get over it they just forget about me... u can't be all chummy with someone and then all of a sudden stop.. thats not nice... i have feelings too u noe...

maybe it my mistake to be soo nice... maybe its just my fate to be giving comfort to wounded souls wen my own has not healed... maybe its my fault that i have a heart and compassion not to see ppl suffer for things that are beyond their control... maybe this is my path in life...

i apologize in advance if i snap at you with srcastic remarks and give a gloomy face. i can't help the way i'm feeling. even though i smile, i'm breaking inside...

i don't want to say anymore.. makes me feel even sadder...

Ps: Reading my blog everyday is kinda stalkerish. thats a fact. and i see some familiar things on your blog there. plagarism is a big no no.

I Feel So Stupid

i feel so stupid really... he was late again for an hour... i wasn't really pissed this time... i could not give a fuck anymore... so i went shopping alone while waiting, i'm used to being alone anyway so wats the diff this time.... at times you just have to accept that a person is fucked up...

anyways i realised that the past postings are not of stellar material.. i'm pissed and still am.. it seems taht nowadays i seem to snap at people and scream more than usual... i'm in a bad mood for most of the day and i'm only happy wen.. well wen.. i can't say lah.. shy.. hee hee.... so in the spirit of being a virgo i shall compile a list... of things that make me happy.. ok.. so u noe wat to do/buy to cheer me up...

• Frogs: well any froggy related thing would cheer me up. but please don't bring me go eat frog legs.. thats just not funny...
• Green: anything green.. green tees, green toothbrushes, green tea, green undies, green condoms (if there are any), green paper, the list is endless... although i prefer greens in the darker shades like sage and moss green... neon green... like it but don't love it...
• Plants: get me a plant and you will go to heaven. giving me a plant be it a cactus or a tree (ok maybe not) will make me consider marrying you!
• Chocolates: especially darks ones... or those sea shell chocs... chocs
• Sex: ok abit hard to give but it would really really make me happy... ;)
• Making me laugh: very few can actually make me laugh really hard...
• Someone who loves me: you're out there i noe...

lets just end it there for now....

on other fronts... have just started reading this book entitled, Mistress of Spices... it is such a magical book.. about well a Mistress of Spice.. i identify with Tilo (Main Character) who helps other with their problem and comforts them with her spices but she has to keep her own passion and desires in check.. well that seems oddly familiar does it... oh well read it to find out...

ok well now its time to go... update next week ya'll.. there is no computer in camp lah how to update...

Angry at the World Part 2

ok heres the thing there is along story to this but i shall not elaborate coz firstly i am pissed at the world and secondly its not my story to say.. but to cut short the story goes like this, boy likes girl but girls ex say he cannot make it...
this vexes me...

why can't this guy who clearly has been wating for very long to get this girl cannot make it? is he that ugly? ugly people have beautiful things too u noe... but hey who are we kidding right? this whole freaking world is centered on how u look.. personlality means shit.. so lets say ur broody and anti-social but if u look like a frog (frogs are cute) on a bad slime day you will be label a social outkast.. but but if you look like tall dark and handsome you would be the wet dream of many a girls and guys.. if you were eccentric but hot looking you would be labelled geek hot but if ur not then well you would be just strange...

it pains my heart that i have spent many years building my personality to to outshine wat i lack only to be judged by wats on the outside....

it pains my heart even more that i myself judge people too by how they look... its a vicious cycle which we all try to break from...

its frustrating.. i have issues.....

I'm Angry With The World

today i was damn pissed off... next time you promise to be on tome.. for gods fucking sake please be.. even if ur late u could have the courtesy of calling or msging to say that ur late. not only calling me after making me wait for half hour... NOT picking up calls nor reply my msgs... i don't fugging care wats ur excuse this time... the last time made me wait for 1 1/2 hours and taking 15 mins to cross the road... enuff is enuff u noe.. i'm sorry you had to be the one i snap at but i have been waiting for frigging people for way too long.. wat do you people think i am? a whore ? standing there at the mrt station or at the bus stop waiting for customers issit.... fuck lah... is it nice to make people wait issit? i'm sure you would be pissed too if you had to wait for people...

Seduction

so woke up this morning had an epiphany! about seduction... but first u have to understand wat type of seduction i'm talking about. yes seduction ur basic get me in bed kinda seduction but secuction can also mean (to me at least) getting people to listen and do wat u want them to do. u seduce them. Definition of seduce from merriam webster:


Main Entry: se·duc·tion
Pronunciation: si-'d&k-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, from Late Latin seduction-, seductio, from Latin, act of leading aside, from seducere
1 : the act of seducing to wrong; especially : the often unlawful enticement of a female to sexual intercourse
2 : something that seduces : TEMPTATION
3 : something that attracts or charms

this is wat dawned on me wen i opened my lazy puffy peepers today!

Your Body is A Tool Of Seduction

Use It Well

isn't it true darlings? the more attractive u are it is easier to get laid and also it is easier to get people to listen to wat u are saying. and also they actually listen and take u seriously (while in the back of their mind, wondering if he/she could get some from u). but i guess most of u know this already. but neways, this applies to both men and women regardless is the person ur tryin g to seduce is a man or woman. hope that makes any sense.

so watcha waiting watcha waiting watcha waiting fooouurrr....

get of that couch and start working out already (cheh say ppl but himself nvr go and do it). trust me its for the best. its also kinda linked to our biological process that a more physical person would make a better mate than some lethargic person who looks sickly (unless ur a goth). its all genetic darling.

ps: i just realised that Nelly Furtado look damned hot in her new music video, Maneater.

also upon typing that above post i just realised that it is just bunch of jibber jabber. but i like the whole body is a tool thing. so i'm keeping it. so there :P

Its a Wonderful Day....

in response to ur qn Dan, today was a wonderful day... it really was nice... there were 3 things that made to day almost perfect...

firstly, spent the almost the whole day wit me best fren.. which is always a nice thing except today it was just me and her without and dare i say it.... boyfren (dum dum dum!) around to u noe spoil our fun.. ok not exactly spoil but u noe how it is right, 3 is a crowd... so.. we went from pasir ris to suntec ( which has toys r us! ok i haven't gone out for ages) to orchard and then to heeren to people watch (all the hot ppl are there anway, me included hah!) which is always fun and the to Tangs and then to Lido and then to ... well home...

today ah i also ah bought so many froggy things along with other wonderous things.. oh how i love frogs.. personally never tasted one but i love them nonetheless... anyway i bought:

1. Some magic glow in the dark strechy slimy putty thing which sadly does not glow in the dark but but i still ove coz its green! argh!
2. bought some books from Popular bookstore sale.. like 3 titles for $15 so worth right? i am a book slut... neways got a book about love (i'm a romantic wat can i say.) and a book about the Desiderata. if ur wondering wat happened to the 3rd book well i wouldn't know coz my fren bought one book so we shared.
3. bought jasmine green tea.. its green!
4. bought some glittery frog figurines... all so glittery and pretty... from toys r us! lovely... so pretty... did i mention they were glittery?
5. went to topshop to find not clothes but u guessed it... FROGS!.. these cute lil' frog things which came a tag that says : Be My Frog Prince.. awww... so sweet and cute and romantic right?
6. at Heeren went to the Place That Has That Very Disturbing Double Eyelid Ad, u all noe wat place i'm talking bout.. went there kena psycho by me best fren to buy a big bottle of shampoo bodywash (wow! shampoo and wash body at the same time!) which smells of some lovely fruit. which is kool coz it was on discount...
7. den went to buy bells, green bells, at the Bead shop.... why bells? if u ever watched Gate Keepers the anime then u would noe the answers.. finally got them bells...

well thats all i bought. minus the food which was fast food coz of both us were feeling mopey and well fast food was the mopiest food we could think of...

the third thing that really made my day was well.. i can't tell can i.. so shy lah to say... haha.. but it really made me grin from ear to ear for the whole day.. after lunch taht is coz up till den we were mopey... i hope it isn't too obvious....

Tomolo's Agenda:

• hopefully go out to ikea..for no apparent reason but shop for useless household items like pretty baskets and cups...
• must go cut hair!
• must go Thomson Plaza to buy some more stones and crystals.. if i'm not lazy enuff....
• Must go doctor to take care my skin... my skin is irritaing the fuck out of me... colour me vain lah but aren't pimples just irritating?

and then book in.. fuck....

neways times a wasting... toodles...

HOo Hoo Hoo....

Are you seriously gonna read EVERY single post of my blog? well, if ur stalker tendencies are that strong why not? although it is a abit creepy though...

wah the fucking lau.. just ran 10 km just now and feet are not suprisingly aching..actually i dunno why i typed that.. seemingly useless information.. just like telling sumone that their penis (not mine ok!) looks like those slugs in that movie Slither which opens up a whole new can of worms or slugs..... or pondering out loud the thought of having nipple abrasion (that was me )

ok i have many things to type but then i need slp.... will blog tomolo....

The Day The Music Died

my mp3 player just died... idiot.... it seem to me that posted to say that my mp3 has died seem like an awful waste of a post so i have decided to write these extra utterly useless words to fill up this post so as not to give me guilt which will cause me not to sleep and in the long run look up this post again to fill it up with other useless words to appease my guilt. thus i am doing myself a great favour by typing these words so as not to cause myself any future insomia by the simple act of my apparent paranoia. not that any of these made any sense. i just feel better that the post is longer and not so short.. toodles and have a good night ....

I Walked the Whole of Town....

whoa.... supposed to meet at 9.45 but ended meeting at 11! like WTF? he left me waiting there at P.S for like ages... for gods sake wake up early next time... but anyways the time that was spent in P.S. was kinda useful.. got to read ( i can't stop ) some great stuff at Times... at bought a bunch of frog stuff ( its an obsession )... but the point is WAKE UP EARLY NEXT TIME!.... ( point to note also. i wasn't on a date )

but anyways went to Botanic G, for their monthly plant sale and bought 2 of the most cutesy and adorable pitcher plants.. they are so cute and so tiny with their tiny pitcher and their tiny leaves.... like the whole plant is only about 2 inches high.. kawaii! i love them... *sigh* but i dunno wat species they are. i asked the man selling them but he said they were the common kind... umm wow now i noe wat species they are... very helpful he is... anyway forgive me for my sudden botanical ramblings.. i can't help it.. its my nature...

after that we walked almost the whole of Botanic G and walked abit more at Far East and then walked to Le Meridian... from which we walked to Clarke Quay to go the flea market (which we cannot find) then we walked once again to Chinatown where we walked until we got sore feet and we went home.. when i reached the train station i went walk walk at Cold Storage den made my way home.. at the LRt station i walked all the way from the Lrt station to my house... basically walked the damn whole day.. i'm giving walking a rest... from now on i shall just roll around on my computer chair.. or just go to sleep.. tired..... lucky today not booking in....

Five Rules Of Life.. According to Me.....

1. All Men Are Stupid
2. In Life You Have To Be A Bitch
3. Sex Is Easy To Get But Love Hard To Find
4. It All Boils Down To Sex
5. ok i forgot this one, will come soon... k...

Silly Quizzes!!!!!

You Are Storm

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses.Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene. Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Play it Cool

You're not in your face, smokin' hot... and it's all by designYou have a carefully crafted cool persona, leaving everyone wanting to know just a little more.

Are You Hot?

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

how Un Kool I am...

I have something to confess.. i realise i am not an ordinary person.. those who noe me can verify that statment very easily... i am 21 this year yet i do not act like a normal 21 year old should act... correction, it should be : i do not act like a normal/hip/cool 21 year old... which sadly brings me back to secondary skool days where i was.. hmm.. lets just say think daria...

heres the list (makes it easier to read instead of me rambling sentence after sentence which makes it harder to read and also i like to make list although i nvr really follow wats on the list it makes me feel better to sort out my thought which will immediately unsorted once it is sorted but anyways enjoy the list of wat makes me peculiar) of how wyrd i am...

• i do not go clubbing or better yet have never been to a real club. like normal 21 year olds go clubbing rite atl east once or twice in their 21 years of life but i do not! i find the loud music irritating and it is bad for your ears. too many ppl is not a good thing. the crowds scare me.... minore point: i oso don't drink... ok ... maybe not...
• i don't wear brands... i don't get people who spend hundreds of dollars on a t shirt or a pants... for gods sake its just a t shirt, it will wear out soon and then u get a new one.. its not going be in fashion for long anyways (this going by the reason u bought it in the first place) wats important to me is that the stuff i wear has to be comfortable and the right colour... but i'm not gonna spend $52 on a green t shirt thats absurd...
• i don't feel a need to get a driving license. in the back of my mind getting a license means u have to get a car or the very lest drive a car once in a while. the more u drive the more pollution goes into the environment! blame the environmentalist in me.. i rather take a cab or bus or train. or even better walk (thats why french women don't get fat, it true noe) less worries....
• i don't listen to punk rock or metal bands or indie bands or gasp! obscure bands with names that consist of a sentence. ok i noe taht most of u don't but anyway my taste in music is restricted to pop (which means wateva is on mtv), indian classical, new age and the occasional malay song... i have weird music taste.
• that said.. i have a weird dress sense.. i only wear green,brown and dark blue.. i only have one red shirt and totally hate white... weird right.. and i only own one pair of denim jeans.. silly right?
• i don't get technology.. a phone is a phone... to call and msg.. basic functions.. why need a phone or mp3 or gprs or games on ur phone? and i only got an mp3 like after the rest of the world had it for 2-3 years? ididn't even own a discman... like wats so cool about those new cars or bikes? i don't get it.. and computer totally don't get rams and gigs stuff.. i'm just a basic user...
• i'm into new age things like crystals and nature.. astrology and healing... meditation and yoga.. pyshics and palmistry... like who is into taht kinda stuff, unless they were born in the 60s...
• i read excessively and buy too many books... i love books... there is sumthing about words and flippinga page.. i love old books and the way they smell.. which is old smelling... i'm such a book slut...
• i don't play sports or engage in any form of physical fitness... i'm such a sloth...
• i play the sitar and learning the flute, bamboo one that is... like when everyone else is playing the guitar or drums...

the list can go on and on (which it will ) but hey i need to go grandma house so it shall end here... for now....

i'm such a geek...

an outkast...

a wallflour...

that is me..

kookyplum...