A Little About Me....

First of all Happie Neu Year of the Oinky Oink...

i watched Grey's Anatomy today i was quite struck by wat this old lady said on the show... i tend to pick up alot about life from tv, i watch too much anyways... but the thing she said was "Life's too Short.. You have to fight for wat urs" but the first part made me think... with all the things i've been doing and stuff that been happening to me and the people i've met and gotten to know, it seem that life is indeed too short and i have soo amny things to do and so many things to say to people that are meant to said.. haiz.. but can't say it all at once can i?

but let me say this... it seem that people cannot figure who or what i am... like they think i'm such a mystery and that i am... i like to keep it that way... but i'll share a little bit of my personality with all of you (or at least those who bother to read this humble blog of mine)...

people always tend to say i'm stuck up and proud wen they first meet me.. i get that all the time... they don't know wat they're missing... wen i first meet you i don't really make the first move. i tend to let you decide if you wanna get to know me... i have this thing about people, my history and my past experience has shown me that people can be nasty towards me.. or rather towards people of my nature and position... so that s why i tend to ignore the newcomers or tend to be very loud and silly thats coz i tend to be very silly wen i first meet people... i'm shy lah... o say hi to me i'm a really nice person and i don't bite... much anyways....

and people always think i'm such a fey fairy wen they first meet me.. umm ... ok thats kinda true... lets leave it as that okay....

i guess my biggest flaw would be that i would numb myself from things that aree happening around me.. i build walls and shield myself from alot of things.. and i don't get involved with people or things for fear that it would hurt me in one way or another... i made that mistake many a times and i've regretted it (there is one very big regret.. sigh...) i dunno once again how you experience life in the past will shape the way you behave in the future.. well that was the psat and the nasty things said and done were well in the past... and i look better than them anytime now anyways.. bitches... anyways sorry, off track there abit... but ya i'm working on it.. i try to get to know more people and do more things (thus the last few posts down) ... trying to be more open you could say...

in the spirit of being open (well darlings not that open.. sheesh..) there are 2 people i really care about in my life.. besides my family... family is/are people you care about no matter wat... i mean people outside my family... the first person is my bestest fren... i care about her.. ya i know i'm bring all mushy but u know this is wat i feel... i so so so so miss her wen she goes to Aust for a year and not coming back! ok only at the end of the year... i'll be so sad...

the other person i really care about is well... can't really say... its been a confusing road for me about this person... and i guess its better not to disclose the identity of thus said person... i care about you but i can't show you that i do.. weird rite? always i feel u want to tell me something but ur just holding urself back.. maybe its just me... was i too harsh? am i too bitchy? or ur just tired of me... i don't want to feel the way i feel but den again who can? i can't say i love you coz wat do i know about love... its like having a worm in ur heart, slowly eating it day by day... i'm very confused about wat to do and yet i know wat i must do... sigh....

sad lah my life eh? that me being open... and if you happen to read this then its a very fucked up way of you to find out about it... but then again i'm shy...

haiz blogging this has made me depressed.... and i have to go eat... hungry leh...