Sigh....

siting here rotting whilst doing duty makes you think alot... so far i think i have been living a lie. of course all of us are living a lie doncha think.. we put on mask and become who we are not just to conform to societies rules and regulations.. how i wish i could juz be myself and rid myself of this mask, this heavy mask with all the responsibilities it bears...

i just want to be myself and hope that people would accept me as i am.. don't worry i don't have any murderous tendencies... not much any way...

i also feel that i don't belong.. hey i'm strange as it is... where could i possibly belong? in which group? which catergory? i don't belong anywhere... u can observe for yourself... no one and i say no one would voluntarily sit next to me on the bus.. no one would walk next to me, they would just leave me behind... except my close frens of course.. even they do not ask me out all the time.. but hey i could be sitting at home for months and no one would ask me out.. its true...see i don't belong...

why u might ask that i suddenly write all these stuff? being so transparent about my life and my insecurities? i duuno... i guess after living for 20 odd years with no one that understands me.. i hope that by baring my soul here on the net that someone out there will understand me... and who i am...

and don't you just enjoy reading how i am spiralling into an emotional breakdown? how i am breaking down inside... bitches....