Blah...

thats exactly how i am feelin right now.. blah... cleaned my room and uncovered some wonderful memories.. but toher than receiving some insider news... i felt blah... like when you want to just lie in bed nd do nothing except belt your heart out and then fall asleep.... yeap thats exactly how i feel...
blah...

Sigh....

siting here rotting whilst doing duty makes you think alot... so far i think i have been living a lie. of course all of us are living a lie doncha think.. we put on mask and become who we are not just to conform to societies rules and regulations.. how i wish i could juz be myself and rid myself of this mask, this heavy mask with all the responsibilities it bears...

i just want to be myself and hope that people would accept me as i am.. don't worry i don't have any murderous tendencies... not much any way...

i also feel that i don't belong.. hey i'm strange as it is... where could i possibly belong? in which group? which catergory? i don't belong anywhere... u can observe for yourself... no one and i say no one would voluntarily sit next to me on the bus.. no one would walk next to me, they would just leave me behind... except my close frens of course.. even they do not ask me out all the time.. but hey i could be sitting at home for months and no one would ask me out.. its true...see i don't belong...

why u might ask that i suddenly write all these stuff? being so transparent about my life and my insecurities? i duuno... i guess after living for 20 odd years with no one that understands me.. i hope that by baring my soul here on the net that someone out there will understand me... and who i am...

and don't you just enjoy reading how i am spiralling into an emotional breakdown? how i am breaking down inside... bitches....

Purr....

ok its time for FUNNY COINCIDENCE TIME!!!!

all three of my guys (oh my posse.. no lah just my medics) have feline favourite animals.... silly and strange at the same time... oh lemme tell lemme tell...

they are in particular order:

• Lion: King of Beasts. Proud and Mighty. Protector. The Hunter.

• Tiger, White: King of the Jungle Asian Style LimITed Edition. Silent and Strong. Sensual and Passionate .

• CAt: Littlest of The Panthers. Mysterious , MAgic and Independence. Walker of the NIghts.

weird that all of them have feline favourite animals.... wat about me u ask? why ask the obvious its the...

FROG!!!!!!

Frog's song calls down the cleansing power of the rain. Frog is a reminder of the sacred power of tears to tranform and cleanse away sorrow. Frogs will die if away from moisture for too long, and thus Frog reminds us to refresh ourselves, and allow joy to moisten our lives and our hearts. If you are feeling "muddied" by the world, take a moment to dream, to laugh and cry and renew yourself. Frog also reminds us to cleanse our bodies, our environments and our auric fields.

People with Frog energy should learn and utilize methods of psychic cleansing.Frog is able to work equally well in the realms of Earth/Air (conscious) and in Water (unconscious.), taking in the unconsicious almost by osmosis. Frog people are often artists, mystics, psychics and healers. They are often empathic, excellent at reading others and in knowing how to help them heal.

Care must be taken however, not to become swamped by taking in the emotions of others. Frog reminds us to cleanse our bodies, our environments and our auric fields. People with Frog energy should learn and utilize methods of psychic cleansing so that they do not become bogged down.

It is imperative to learn how to recognize when people, situations and circumstances are draining energy, and to cleanse them out of your aura so that you may sing freely.A tadpole's shape mirrors that of the spermazoa. Frogs are often seen as a symbol of fertility and creativity.

Frog people should nourish their creative side.Frog people may go through many metamorphoses during their lives, and may change careers several times. Balance will come through respecting these changes and learning to go with the flow.

juz coz i love reading bout frogs.. it from this page anyways... not mine....

ok so back to our little dicussion here... you take three kitties and a frog and wat do you get? strange combo dont cha think?

Juz Some Points To Note...

I Now HAve A Huge Crack in My HEart.. the reason to why it's not shattered into a million pieces? Hope.... stupid Hope....

anyways shallow people irritate me to an endless extent... they see the world thru face value only.. its NOT that they are evil, degrading bastards (thats is another story in itself) MOST are actually NICE people (notice the captital letters, i do not want to get mizzunderstood) they are nice nice people but i can't get over the fact of how they judge people on wat they see... only and continue to proceed with that judgement and not find out how the person really...

i judge people when i first meet them on wat i see, i shall not deny that but i try to actually get to know the person before i make any further judgement... some people just go on first face value... i hate that coz i am always a victim.. lets face it if you already know me didn't you not want to talk to me or get to know me in the first place... think i was strange and so on and so forth?

also if someone is hot does not make him/her the perfect person for you... sheesh... how shallow can you get? yes first impressions count but that is just the animal part in us the makes us need to propagate the species.. but the part that makes us HUMAN is the part that actually makes you want to get to know a person more.. the emotional side... the beautiful and fragile parts... but also wat makes us human is the ability not to take peoples advice... fuck...

speaking of hot or not.. this is just an observation and it is freeaking true... realise that if a certain person is good looking then that person is automatically nice and sweet and trustable... true or not? but then again if you yourself is good looking then you would most probably not notice this.... coz well... lets just say i do not wear rose tinted glasses.... less than perfect people know wat i'm talking about...

oh you know who you are you shallow peoples? you would most probably kill and hate me for life for writing this but i hav said it to you many times.... you never listen...

much to learn young jedi has, yes.... hmmm....

Amore...

Druids considered words a very most powerful thing. the tone and construction of the sentences you made could either make it a curse or a blessing. such are the power of words don't you think? we could hurt someone with a single word and it would hurt more than a stab wound. but on the other hand we could give comfort with our words too....


ah words... how wonderful they are? but i consider one word more powerful than the rest... that word would be L.O.V.E (like ashee simpson lah)... don't you think so ? just by saying you love someone you could change his or her world completely. for better or for worse. juz think bout it....

( juz a side note: i hate it wen ppl take photos and they all, THEY ALL pretend to look at the side and point at some unknown thing.. thats just silly..)

So This Is How It Feels Like....

i feel weird that she's not here.. i guess this is how it feels like to hav a break up huh? weird.... i feel weird and strangely lost... i'll get over it soon.. i noe but for the mean time i'll just be mopey and sad... and i have to find other people to go out with.. but who is free other than my bestest fren.. who would make time to go out with me? everyone else has their own life... sigh....

i feel drained emotionally... i'm tired just tired from work stress and personal life stress.. stress in general.. now that my lisenting ear is gone i'll be more stressed.. i figured i haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks.. i hav not dreamed for a long time.. i dunno maybe i think too much...

looks like my posts so far have been very short and simple.. i apologize for that seeing that my schedule is very packed and i have a gadzillion things to settle.... and after next week i'll have even more things to do and more stress.... god save me! and the queen...!

how depressing....

No act of kindness,

However small,

Is ever wasted

From the Dude who brought you the fables.... Aesops!!!

i'm sad...

i'm that my bestest fren is leaving for Australia tomolo.. its sad... i shall be mopey and sad for a week or two.. or more.. i know she's gonna keep in contact thru email and vice versa. but its different not having the person near you wen you need them... it will be different and hard... i'm feeling so totally lost... lost! and weird.. i feel weird....

HAven't had much Time to Blog...

......So i'll blog a more meaningful post instead of those lyrics.. k... did you notice how you had to read the title then it joins to the post? i amaze myself sometimes...

Time to Breathe...

the hectic week is over.. CSB done, Medical Audit done, NDP sorta done... it seems good for me to indulge or rather immerse myself in work... it makes me forget.. to turn a blind eye and just concentrate on wat i have to do.... for once i feel relieved but i fear it might turn me into a workaholic.. but then again it might not seeing how lazy i am.. huh...

i'm very tired now.. for the past 2 week i haven't had a proper rest to recharge and sort out my already confused thoughts... so i guess its time to rest well... i sorta deserve it....

You can Count on Me No Matter What

Clickie Here (its the yuotube of the song set to the movie of Practical Magic)

That's When I Love You by Aslyn

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you endlessly

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what
That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn the more i love
The more my heart can't get enough
Thats when I love you
When I love you
No matter what
No matter what

Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
If I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right

[chorus]
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

His magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight

[chorus]
Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy, hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of a miracle
Waiting so long
So long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end, he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

[chorus]
Oh 'cause I don't know
Don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
Oh oh...beautiful
Oh oh...beautiful disaster

How CAn Someone Love me?

someone once told me that in order for you to love someone you need to love yourself.... which is soo true... i have issues.. so thats the end of that...

i seem to me that my life mirrors those of my fav books... its silly i noe but then come to think of it its eerily similiar... look at Memoirs of a Geisha ( i love i love!) i work for the contentment of other don't i? i work to keep people happy.. not myself. i always do things for others.. can't be selfish lah... never for my own benefit, i nvr ask for off or special treatment.. one day one day...

and look at Mistress of Spices.. she helps people with their problems and she herself is forbidden to fall in love..

you might think i'm silly.. oh wait, everyone thinks i'm silly.. haiz but its true... my life mirrors those of the literary world...

actually i've some to realise that and also accept my fate to help others.. seems like i have a knack for comforting people.

i will give people wat the need, happiness....
even wen they are happy, i'll make them happier...

No Time No Time!!!!!!

ok no time for long meaningful post.. coz this week is so busy busy busy!!!! got NDP and CSB and Audits all this weeK! i have no time to sort out my thoughts... fuck i hate this... all i have to say is that... sex is good... have it often.. :)