WAt i Did On My Birthday...

hmm.. lets see... nothing... much.. thanks you all for those birthday wishes... and i got 3 presents today...

1. Well this from was from my doctor.. he says i have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.... wow wat a brithday present isn't it?
2. my dad bought be goats brain soup.. interesting... haven't eat it yet.. i'm quite excited...
3. my grandma gave me money.. can't disclose info.. not much though... but still i luv nens... my aunts chipped in too...

hmm tahts all for my crappy 21 birthdae.... woop dee doo...

Tomolo's a Special Day

Tomolo's a special day.. at least according to some people... to me its just a normal day... wat so special about turning 21? i guess i'm having a sorta quarter life crisis... i'm been feeling down and depressed lately.. it seems that the stresses of the paramedic course is a blessing... immersing myself in studies is a great way of forgeting ur troubles or insecurities.. some of you might be puzzled to as how i sound so depressive in my blog and still be silly and kooky in real life... well darlings there are 2 sides to a mirror.. i don't like to be depressive around ppl... it makes them feel uncomfortable... so there...

i dunno why i'm so down sometimes, it seem that i have come to realisation that i am freaking 21 already or going to be and i have so many things i have yet to do... so many things that i want to be but i cannot... i still can't accept some thing about me and well that bothers me sometimes....

well nuff bout my insecurirites, it get tiring sometimes doesn't it...

tomolo's my birtdae.. whoop dee doo.. (forgive me for my sad attempt to make it sound vaguely happy)... its just another day, i'm nobody special...

sad lah... i don't want presents or anything don't have belanja me dinner or anything... no need lah...

Oh Gosh....

LAte night post...

so here i am after a week of level 2 paramedic course.. it has almost killed me.. i actually expected it to be tough but hey it didn't expect it to be so mentally draining... i'm so tired...

Sick And Tired - Anastacia

i found this song... how appropriate i thought at this moment....

I have to...

i checked my sitar after a long long while and one more string has snapped.. i know my beloved sitar, i have neglected you... no more i say! i shall re string you next week... and we can make beautiful music...

Christina Aguilera - Reflection

I'm Having A Quarter Life Crisis

Reflections

Am i too talkative for my own good?
Do i really talk too much nonsensical things?
Am i really too intelligent for my own good?
Is it not good to be well read and know alot of things?
Do you feel threatened by it?
Does my continous sarcasm affect you?
Do i talk that loudly?
Does my disconnection from reality put you off?
Do i seem defensive at times?

Not that i mean to.. i am not like that really.. these are just defense against the world... my mask...for i have been hurt also...

Merlin - He's Magnificent

the world or magick is indeed dying.. nobody believes anymore

Merlin - Queen Mab & The Lady Of The Lake

Queen MAb she's kool.. Queen of MAgick...

Fleeting Moments...

i just watched Ghost Whisperer.. and realised how fleeting can be and how things can change in an instant.... it is important to tell the people that you care about that you love them or at least show them your appreciation before its to late... but for certain ppl it may not be so... our worlds would crumble catastrophically... well thats my burden i have to bear to know and not knowing... i hate that wen you wanna say ti but can't? you get wat i mean...

anyways.... i'm not good wit this mushy bits.... so u all noe wat i mean...

that all for the usual emotional dillemma segment...

Haiz....

it is soo very pretty, the view from my window that is... an expanse of green as far as the eye can see (actually until it reaches the sea) and a river (not those concrete longkangs but an actual river).. its very hobbiton... so pretty... i could spend the whole day just looking at the sky and forest... but alas all that will change...

here's a little known fact about me... towel can't stay on me.. i can't walk all but 10 step before it starts to slip off... weird...

also i was so tired yesterday that i slept naked on my bed.. i wanted to go bathe and i lay down on my bed and fell asleep... luckily my mom didn't open the door.. or did she? dum dum dum.. but i was wrapped up in my blanky i think...

i dunno why i actually blogged that... hee hee lest to give you nightmares...

i also watched Lake House (bastards).. i shall to that everytime i type Lake House (bastards).. hoo hoo.. i watched it alone... sad sad me... but it was a good movie especially the last part, the last letter that she wrote to him... but i don't get the LAke House (bastards) bit... its actually not the Lake House(bastards) itself but the mail box.. so shouldn't it be called the Mailbox.. but how unsexy is that? Lake House(BAstards) is much better title... ok i'm so sorry.. i'm still bitter bout it.. i take along time to get over stuff.. bear with it...

on other fronts.. today is book in day.. great.. and also tomolo is duty day... whoop dee doo i guess... den next week i'm on course.... joy to the world! i'm so not ready for this...

All Cried Out

this is how i'm feeling now.. drained... i give up lah...

What a Waste Of Time...

today marks the 5th day of block leave... so far the first day has been taken up by an unexpected duty that no one informed me about until the morning itself... thus it affects the second day which i spent lounging around at home up to the point where i watched half a fireworks with my frens... the third day was spent mostly standing at the National Library Sale thus i have backache and then went to grandmas house... fourth day, went all the way to orchard to eat BK (of all places) and then went home.. wat the fuck right? den today comes, which i will go back camp to clear up some work stuff... den tomolo got duty again and then weds night book in...

its seems incomplete somehow even though i did quite some things i feel its all a waste of time.. i didn't spend quality time with certain people, instead it was a mad rush but i shall not complain (much anyways)....

anyways, i got cramps after wiggling my hips to Ojos asi that song below... infectious no?

ok, i have to confess i am a lousy listener and add to that i am a lousy speaker.. ok lets face it i am a lousy communicator... i don't listen to people and i don't give good advie.. ok i give sound advice its just that people do not listen to me... i have said many times..

I MAY BE SILLY BUT MY WISDOM HOLDS TRUE.

ok i take the being a lousy communicator part back... lets save some of my pride for once.. its not me its you! you people never ever listen to me... other people will say the same thing and you will realise it but wen i say it no one listens.. i have to go "i told ya so" so many times... am i not credible? i may behave silly and act cute but i am not dumb okay... if you ask me a qn and i give you a silly ans well thats just coz you're asking the obvious or you do not need my opinion on that matter.. why comment when you made up ur mind anyways.. that or i just want to annoy you...

issit my voice? or the fact that i'm short? maybe i'm just too nice? i dunno people don't listen to me.... i hate that..

SHAKIRA - Ojos Asi

there something about shakira that makes you wanna shake those hips.. and can i declare taht she is the hottest woman on earth?

i Am such a slut...

a book slut that is... there are 2 things i can't resist... books and a sale thus the National Library Sale was perfect.. except for the fact that there were sooo many people and there so many books on computers... other than that i was quite pleased with wat i got... i'm feeling abit down thus i shall not list down the books i bought but i bought 12 books though... lovely....

yesterday went to watch the fire works with my poly frens.. missed quite abit coz they wanted to go to toilet.. sheesh.. but at least got to see quite abit... it was magical.. if only there was... ahh nvm...

i'm really out of balance... i'm having breakouts and aches and pains even though i have been sleeping alot... i need to reconnect with nature.. ok besides going outfield.. i need to feel bark of the trees against my cheeks... soil and grass between my toes... leaves between my finger.. smells the flowers... take a walk in the jungle... hear the whispers of the wind as it rustles thru the leaves... i need to reconnect...

A Tale Of Many Things

let me begin with the concept of Maya, illusion.... it is the hindu/buddhist concept (correct me if i'm wrong coz i ain't no expert) of illusion.. Maya is the illusion that seperates us from the real reality.... that is to say Maya is the very physical world that we live in.. we live our lives ignorant of wat is really there.. we can't face it coz we are often embroiled in our selfish desires or grappling with our own pain... it is easier to think of other things and not face reality... sometimes as i walk down the street or in the cab and i see people walking down the street, i often feel their disappointment, their pain and unrealised dreams.. it may be silly but sometimes i do... you can see it in their faces and the way they walk.. often we are tired of our own lives but trudge on with the hope that it might get better one day... its sad really but its true and we can't escape it...

i dunno i just wanted to type that out coz it has been bugging me for some time... hope it makes sense...

ok thus finishes my philosophical segment for the day.... now comes the usual pissy me...

i wanna watch lake house! in big bold letters pls LAKE HOUSE!!!! but i can't coz nobody want or rather won't watch it with me...ok before you ask me to watch it alone, i find it extremely silly to go watch a movie alone... goodness... who watches a movie alone...? but now since i love making lists, i shall list you the reasons why ppl won't watch Lake House with me:

1. They have watched it before: why would you watch a movie with ppl who have watched it before? they know wats gonna happen.. where is the shared amazement of the plot twist? where will the Aww factor be? might as well watch it alone.
2. i'm the wrong gender: a guy will never ever watch it with me coz you noe it'll look gay.. although going out together is not? i dunno... girls will never ever watch it with me coz well, ppl will think we're a couple and well who wants to be associated as a couple with me? but then again going out together is not? maybe its the cultural thing if that u go watch movie means that ur on a date... for gods sake its just a movie!
3. Ppl just plain don't wanna go watch with me coz they find me strange and are ashamed to be seen in public with me... thats a sad way of putting it but it might just be true...

thus i have only these options left upon me to go and watch this movie that i desperately wanna watch coz i think its interesting and fuck the fact that its a romantic story:

1. go watch it alone.. something i will nvr do....
2. wait for the dvd or vcd and go watch it at home.. alone... maybe.. but i can't wait that long...
3. watch it with my family or cuzzin or sumthing.. but gosh! won't that be considered incest? (its supposed to be sarcastic for those slower ones, just so u'll be with the flow)

actually i can't believe the number of people who wanna watch Lake House but for some reason they can't coz well u know being single and all... means thay can't watch a movie... enuff of this nonsense somehow or another i will watch Lake House...!!!!!

Comes to the next thing... ppl read my blog.. that is a given but then when more people read my blog i can't have the freedom of what i wanna type coz i can't type wat i really think without hurting their feelings... how sad is that.. you who you are those ppl i don't wann type things about you but i really do type of people... sumtimes i can't help it, i'm sorry....

Finally

ok finally at home after 3 continous days of duty, NDP and duty.... so now i am going to enjoy myself and go out wit my frens... blog later about books sales and Maya (not the silly girl.. the buddhist concept...) frustrations of luv...awww.... i think... and also bout ppl reading my blog...

actually why am i putting all this up and i'll be back by tonight.. withing that short space of time who the fucking hell would read by blog? really who would.. come to think of it why am i pondering over a pondering when no one would, no actual intelligent lifeform anyways, would read this... it really silly.. ppl read my blog but nvr ever, even in their most insane moments would leave a comment in the comment box.. nvr ever.. isee other ppl do it, its very simple really just click and it will appear.. no need to sign up for anything, no need to pay.. it just takes like 10 bloody seconds to leave a comment a yoo hoo or a sarcastic remark... so why don't you leave a comment why dontcha?

at least i know i have readership and not blabbling to myself.... i may not have pretty pictures or mindless airhead ponderings... but still it would be nice....