Disappointments.....

so wat has been happening in my life u ask? well let me tell you....

ok so i had this grand aspirations for this post... i wanted write about many things but then i realise its was not worth it... why go re write it down only to relive the hurt again? as long as i know the details its enuff...

instead i will post a song! yay a song .. it pretty much sums up wat was the major thing that was going on in my life... its an arab song and i posted it before but i didn't really think it would happen to me. hah. the translations pretty much sums it up. although we were nvr lovers but the chorus part pretty much sums it up. listen la its a nice song.



You dont want us to stay lovers
And never stay away from each other
You want me to be ur freind
And lie to my melting heart
you are unfair and u know
The pain i feel when your're far away from me
Tell me my love
And i'll accept my fate
If you let me know what you wish for

CHORUS
Because of you i started to hiding
The love i have in my heart
Pretending that i'm indifferent
Not caring not concerned
Acting like a friend to you
Constantly asking how you are doing
Feeling secure that you are near
And not troubling you with my love

Your love had me running after you
And made me lose my self
It made me follow you everywhere
But it did not take me,
nor did it let me go

You are so selfish
Oh my love try to forget me
My heart hardens
And it can forget
The days we were lovers.

i dunno.. thinking back i think i was insane la.... maybe its was easier to live a lie... at least u don't feel so loserish after the truth comes out... so many "why this" and " why that" and "whats wrong wit me" that needs to be answered.

but thinking again... we will never learn and grow if we don't experience such things such as hurt and rejection. i guess its a good thing. ok i'm trying to look at the positive here and trying not to fall into a state of rejection induced depression. but its ok i'll survive.. i always do.

anyways i'm not angry at anyone. even if i was, i would be dissappointed and angry at myself... why? well that shall not be posted here... if not i'll look like a loser. oh wait i already am. sighs.

u know i think my curse is that i understand to much. i understand why people do the things they do and react the way they do. I'M TOO FREAKING UNDERSTANDING. sometimes i wish i didn't understand so many things. maybe life would be less painful.

its like u understand why but u still feel the pain. understanding does not make it go away. in fact it makes it worse. sighs.