Disappointments.....

so wat has been happening in my life u ask? well let me tell you....

ok so i had this grand aspirations for this post... i wanted write about many things but then i realise its was not worth it... why go re write it down only to relive the hurt again? as long as i know the details its enuff...

instead i will post a song! yay a song .. it pretty much sums up wat was the major thing that was going on in my life... its an arab song and i posted it before but i didn't really think it would happen to me. hah. the translations pretty much sums it up. although we were nvr lovers but the chorus part pretty much sums it up. listen la its a nice song.



You dont want us to stay lovers
And never stay away from each other
You want me to be ur freind
And lie to my melting heart
you are unfair and u know
The pain i feel when your're far away from me
Tell me my love
And i'll accept my fate
If you let me know what you wish for

CHORUS
Because of you i started to hiding
The love i have in my heart
Pretending that i'm indifferent
Not caring not concerned
Acting like a friend to you
Constantly asking how you are doing
Feeling secure that you are near
And not troubling you with my love

Your love had me running after you
And made me lose my self
It made me follow you everywhere
But it did not take me,
nor did it let me go

You are so selfish
Oh my love try to forget me
My heart hardens
And it can forget
The days we were lovers.

i dunno.. thinking back i think i was insane la.... maybe its was easier to live a lie... at least u don't feel so loserish after the truth comes out... so many "why this" and " why that" and "whats wrong wit me" that needs to be answered.

but thinking again... we will never learn and grow if we don't experience such things such as hurt and rejection. i guess its a good thing. ok i'm trying to look at the positive here and trying not to fall into a state of rejection induced depression. but its ok i'll survive.. i always do.

anyways i'm not angry at anyone. even if i was, i would be dissappointed and angry at myself... why? well that shall not be posted here... if not i'll look like a loser. oh wait i already am. sighs.

u know i think my curse is that i understand to much. i understand why people do the things they do and react the way they do. I'M TOO FREAKING UNDERSTANDING. sometimes i wish i didn't understand so many things. maybe life would be less painful.

its like u understand why but u still feel the pain. understanding does not make it go away. in fact it makes it worse. sighs.

Fuck Life

u know the universe has always some cruel tricks up its galaxy filled sleeves.
this week i am very very very very very very very very very very very fucking free.
but i have this strange feeling that i'm going to stay home this week.
just this strange feeling that i will.
people cancelling on me. and not being free.

and pls. if i don't want to go out wit you. please get the hint.

First Post Of The New Year

Ok This is my FIRST POST of the new year.... well it took me 20 days to start blogging again. Haven't been in the mood to blog. sorry. but den again i'm sure i wasn't missed much anyways so....

So wat have i been doing in the start of the new year? well same ole same ole.... working like a MAD person and intereacting wit the kids which i s always fun...

other than that i have been doing alot and i mean alot of serious soul searching... coz i watched Oprah, yes i watch Oprah... well anyways this particular episode was about this book.. EAT, PRAY, LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert...




its about the author's journey of self discovery. From her divorce she starts her journey, spending 4 months in Italy EATING..... 4 Months in India PRAYING... and lastly 4months in Bali LOVING...

I guess it was meant to be that this book came into my life.. i sinply love it. and i gained alot of inspiration to improve my own inner self. and because of the book i did 2 things that i wouldn't do normally to 2 people i care about alot in my life. it 2 good things if u were wondering. and i feel lighter and less choked. it was as though i had been set free and felt light as a feather. of course i cannot divulge wat transpired between me and these 2 people. that my dear readers is for me to know. hee hee.

Her book is amazing. full of simple little lessons. mind you it is not a guide book but instead more of a journal or diary.... basically its simply WONDERFUL AND MAGICAL....

my favourite piece of advice is from the Balinese Medicine Man, Ketut Liyer, who tells us how to meditate and attract happy energies....

SIT AND SMILE.... SMILE EVEN FROM YOUR LIVER.....

wat wonderful advice is that... just sit and smile....

Also this morning i watched this MTV on well... umm MTV....
yes i know its kinda old but i loves loves loves the song BLEEDING LOVE by Leona Lewis....LOVES!



Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

I find it funny that songs fall into my life and they sing exactly wat i'm going thru... funny how the world works eh? well... till next time....