I Can't Live... Living Is Without You...!!!!!!

no i'm not going thru a break up silly...its just that i'm listening to that song right now... hahaha...

glad to say that things are getting better... the new guys are taking some of the workload and lotsa shit has been cleared.. so abit less stressed.... but i still need to have a moral boosting talk with them.. they are/seem quite stressed themselves (i guess they hav not snapped back to reality, trust me it takes a few months)... . that is once i get them all in one place... how hard is it to get 3 people together in one place at one time.... quite hard i must say, seeing that they keep going for off.... but hey they deserve the off..... noq i need to get mine.. speaking of that if ur wondering why i am here typing this on a thurs afternoon... well i myself is on off... wahahaha...


k k gotta go and watch as much tv as i can....

Oh How life iS....

Sometimes i think that life is sorta unfair to me.. ok more like really unfair.. for example ATP range and duties... and all the arrows... i've been tired lately... yes i noe i have been complaining of myself being tired alot lately but really i am... i have not have proper rest for the past 3 week or so... i need to sleep till 10 at least... goodness.. i need to shut up.. and sleep.. but people would not let me sleep! arrgghh!!!!!! and pls stop asking me if i am in charge of the new medics.. i am just looking out for them since i see nobody giving them much thought... am i being too nice? really am i? is it wrong to show them around make them feel accepted? i feel out of place... now i'm bring alienated... so sue me for being concerned and worried.. i am the type who would worry alot but then again also the type that believes in fairies and unicorns and ultimately everything will turn out fine.... i am such a big freaking contradiction... so i can safely declare myself to be suffering frm a Quarter Life Crisis.. i have not seen most of my frens in over a month especially my best fren whom i have not contacted for all this while.. i think she moved on... i have not gone out jalan jalan for over 3 weeks... and even if i do i would most probably go alone.. i am turning out to be such a loner.... an anti social freak... cannot lah... i wear a porcelain mask with a permanent smile painted on.. it could crack and then people would see how ugly i can be.... my right hand hurts frm doing gardening, which i have been neglecting for the few weeks... all my plants are in such bad shape.... i have been neglecting them as i have been neglecting my frens... i just have not much time... no time to practice sitar... how can u be good at music if u don't practice? life in general is fucked up... i used to get angry but now its sort of a gradual acceptance of how fucked up my life is... they say army either makes u or breaks u... i guess its breaking me slowly...............

Oh For Goodness Sake...

Oh For Goodness Sake (twice for the effect).... i saw a chinese lady wit hairy legs and she was wearing a mini skirt... oh most probably she didn't have any pants to wear or ran out of Veet or sumthing....

in other news...

shit has been happeneing and its a continuing process... much like diahorrea... continous shit... it has erupted.. ppl have started noticing that i'm not my usual perky self.. well folks that true... shit happens....

but lets be optimistic for once.... let see it this way..

Baya Don't Worry.

In Life, People Learn New Things Everyday

as told by a indian salesperson at mustafa (words of wisdom i must say)

also:

We Learn From Our Mistakes

lets hope for the best......

hi there... life is mundane and boring wif nothing to look forward to.. thus there is nothing to blog about.. so whoever who happens to stumble on this blog, sorry there is nothing to read but do feel free to read about the fun and quirky person that i used to be...

Its Been Awhile....

i haave no mood to blog nowadays... i dunno life seems unfulfilling and there is nothing to look forward to... i keep to myself morea nd when i book i like to go out by myself rather than meet up with people... i can't be bothered anymore lah... sheesh.....

I Have Been Wiped Out....

it has been such a hectic few weeks.. with all the field camps and weekend duties.. i am completely drained.. went to the doctor just now to get help with my achy tummy.. which so happens to be suffering from gastric flu... achy all day... especially after i eat... sadness...

so tired and so stressed...already missed 2 sitar classes and i lost my mirzrab... arrgghhh.... how can i play my sitar without my mizrab? its been so hectic.. i need proper rest and soon... or not i will breakdown... i need to shop! and rest! shop and rest thats all i ask for... now have to book in again... sianz.....

Soldier = Geisha?

First of all..... Heres to All My Frens....

HappiE ChiNese NeU YeAr!!!

Of tHe DoG!!

WooF WooF!!

now onto my blog proper... i have watched Memoirs of a Geisha... it was a visual feast although not a very intellectual one... it was just beautiful... i can't help but realise that Geishas and Soldiers lead very similiar live... there are parallels in both our worlds that are very eerily the same...below is a list of the commonalities in no particular order.

1. First of all Mameha said this to Sayuri: We do not become Geisha to fulfill our own destinies. We become geisha because we have no choice. Does that ring a bell to all u guys out there.. we become wat we are because we have no choice.
2. Next, geisha paint their faces white and red. Soldiers paint their faces green and black.
3. Each geisha belongs to an okiya (geisha house) which is part of a hanamachi (geisha district), which in turn part of many hanamachis in a city. each soldier is part of a company which is turn part of a battalion, which in turn part of a brigade and so on.
4. In an okiya there is a okasan (mother) which takes care of the geisha. in a company there is a CSM which basically does the same thing.
5. Geishas have to wear their kimonos when they work. soldiers have to wear their uniforms when they work.
6. Geishas have their tools of the trade like thier fans and their umbrella. We have our rifles and helmets.
7. Geisha train to be the best in their arts of dance and music. Soldiers train to be the best in what they do.
8. Geisha have their mizu-age (coming of age). We have BMT.
9. Most become full fledge geisha at the age of 18 - 20. We become soldiers around the same age.
10. A geisha is free from her bond once she has paid back her okiya of the expenses to train her. We do that to to a certain extent also.
11. A geisha is the illusion of the perfect woman. Soldiers are expected to be the perfect man.
12. A life of a geisha is tough, it requires discipline and dedication. A soldiers life runs a similiar course.
13. A geisha has a set of rule to follow on how to behave. A soldier has drill and SOP.

ok thats all i can think of... but there is one thing that a geisha has but not a soldier... wat is it? Some geisha have a danna or patron.... do we have one of those?

Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you

I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

How i Wish

we all wish at one time or another... we wished that the bus would come earlier or that nasty bug would stop buzzing around you... we all wish for many things.. but there is one wish that we all wish for.. that is to have the perfect life...

that is the universal wish of all the people in the known worlds... but the reality is that life will never ever be perfect.. there will always be bumps and humps along the way... expectations that can never be meet...

but hey we can only wish and hope for the best right?

First Post of The New Year

Urrrgghhh... another new year. the hype is gone and now we have to trudge along all the way to another year.. wat a daunting task it will be... but hey i will survive, hey! hey! (cue Gloria Gaynor)

so i was planning list down my new years resolution but then again... iwill never keep to them so why would i put it down? goodness..... there is one resolution that i must try to keep (cue Ms Gaynor again).. that is to survive 2006.. i am foreseeing that it will be a terrible year ahead with all the nasty players in my life and all the obstacles that stand before me... ok its getting quite dramatic isn't it... k lets tone it down...

neways, u noe i have been blogging for like almost 2 1/2 years... it so weird and entertaining to read ur thoughts at that particular moment in time.. its so strange to read wat i have written and to think i have actually written such things... i those 2 previous sentence i wrote the exact same thing but in different words... sometimes i even amaze myself... haha... but ok, its so weird to read thru some of my post... i was angry crazy, gloomy and happy... its like i'm so happy to ahv a blog to keep a record of my thought and all of u read it.. ok maybe not so much the latter but hey i'm happy to share my thought with all of you.... so happy reading my blog and hope i survive this new year ( hey hey)....